Behind Every Man (COMPLETED)

Chapter 30

Chapter 30

There are things I say, but I knew I never really could do.

Because despite my best intentions, sadly, I'm still human.

And to be human is to have a heart.

A heart that I cannot just turn off on a whim.

'This is a bad idea,' I told myself as I was on the way. It was barely 8AM and my day was already about to be ruined.

Kerry sent me an email last night.

I didn't want to open it, but I figured might as well rip the band aid off. I clicked on the notification and finished a glass of wine while waiting for the attachment to load.

The moment I saw the result, I stood up and left. I left my phone—for the first time in my life, I left my phone. I just needed to be alone. I just needed to think. I just needed to decide because whatever decision I choose to make would define me for the rest of my life.

Nobody else would know.

But I would know.

And that's more frightening.

And now it's morning again.

Panibagong araw na masisira.

I had someone pick her up. I didn't want to go to her place. Ayoko na may makakita sa akin sa lugar niya. Besides, why would I go to her? Sino ba siya?

I was ushered to a private room. Pagpasok ko roon, agad ko siyang nakita. She was sporting that sad look on her face again. Wala ba siyang ibang alam gawin kung hindi ang malungkot? I still could not wrap my head around the idea that this was the woman my husband chose to impregnate.

"I will be quick," I said after I took my seat.

Tumingin siya sa akin. There was a mixture of fear and hope in her eyes. But she looked scared. She should be. I could very well ruin her life. She could choose any woman's husband but she dared to choose mine?

"I got the result of test," I continued. I saw how her hands trembled a little. I relished on the look of fear in her eyes. "Surprisingly, you weren't lying."

I watched every little movement on her face.

I was betting on a lot by even going to this place. I could have her gone. I could have her disappeared. No one would look for her because I was right—she had no family. No one really loves her. Niloloko niya lang ang sarili niya kung iniisip siya na mahal siya ni Archibald. Because if he did love her, he would not put her in this position—cowering in fear, alone, right in front of me.

"If I were to be completely honest, my first instinct was to get rid of that child," I said. There was fear in her eyes, but no surprise. Good. At least she knew what I was capable of doing. "But I changed my mine."

She breathed in relief.

Magpasalamat siya kay Addie.

I was already aware of everything that she said... I just needed reminding. Because she's right. I never would be able to live with myself if I killed an innocent child—a product of my husband's shitty decision, yes, but still an innocent child.

And I hated the very fact that he was the one who made a mess, but I was the one who would suffer the consequences of his decision. Because if I did that, it would be on my conscience. Because the blood would be on my own hands. Because it would be my own doing. Kahit siya naman ang nagsimula.

God, I hated how I could not just turn my conscience off.

"So, here's my offer."

"Kahit ano po, ma'am, basta..." she said as she took a deep breath like I just kicked her to death. God, why did she always act like this? Is this a new personality trait? "Basta iyong baby ko po..."