The Elements of Zion: the Vine, the Branch, and the Thorn

Footsteps in The Dark

The doctor's silence was heavy as the smothering fog of war. We seemed to be bound together in that moment as twins of sorrow, each mourning the unthinkable. His eyes held the reflection of my own haunted gaze. A shared look of immeasurable loss, one that could never be chased away, no matter how hard our hearts raged.

"My son just turned nineteen. The very thought of losing him..." the words trailed off, impossible for him to complete.

I locked eyes with the doctor for the first time, my voice trembling with emotion, "I was hotwired with fury. All I could think about was those sons of bitches who did this to one of my guys. I wanted payback, a rain of hellfire on them."

"I wouldn't say I didn't share the same feeling, but I have to ask, how does screaming play a part in all this?," He said curiously.

I took a deep breath, steadying myself. "It's coming," I whispered, feeling the anticipation welling up inside me.

"Very well. Please, go on." He said.

The vivid memory surfaced in my mind as if it happened yesterday. "We were hauling Hernandez back to the Humvee, like fifty yards, when all hell broke loose again. Rounds buzzed right by our heads, pinging off the hood of the truck and making a racket that echoed everywhere. One last look back at him, and I saw his dog tags hanging on his collar. Tucked them back under his bloody olive drab shirt, then squared up to see how many of my guys were still standing.

It was me, Lance Corporal Vincent, and Private First Class Andrews. We were knee-deep in it, and the situation unfolding was FUBAR. Our mission? Simple as shootin' fish in a barrel - find those scumbags and put 'em six feet under."

"So, you had made up your mind at that point to kill?" the doctor questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Annihilation," I admitted, bitterness lacing my voice. "I wanted annihilation, regardless of whether it meant breaking the rules of engagement or compromising our intelligence. Someone had to pay for what happened."

The doctor nodded in acknowledgment, a hint of sadness in his eyes. "Understood."

"So there we were, pinned down. Scanned both Vincent and Andrews, needed to figure out where the hell all that lead was comin' from. Vincent, good man, points to this house across the concrete barriers where we were chillin' before. Didn't have time to waste, barked at Sparky on the Humvee to light 'em up with the big gun once I gave the signal. Tracers zippin' past like angry bees, but the adrenaline's pumpin' - keeps my head in the game."

We made a break for those damn barriers, but the enemy wasn't havin' it. Rounds whizzin' by, kickin' up dust all around us. We all hit the deck, bodies slammin' into the hescos. Andrews yells that the fire's comin' from the second floor, but chargin' that house straight on? Suicide mission.

So, I cooked up a plan, told the boys what's goin' down. On my mark, I pop smoke and get us inside that house. Wait for the nod and then haul ass. Gripped that smoke grenade tight, popped the lever, pulled the pin, and chucked it over the barrier towards the front door. Gunfire picked back up, so I called for more cover fire, lightin' up that second floor."

The doctor probed, "You must have realized that pushing forward could have meant death for you and your squad. That had to scare you?"

"Doc," I said, takin' a breath, "adrenaline...it just shuts off the fear of gettin' wasted, you know? It's like a switch. You move, you might get smoked, you don't move, you might still get smoked. But any jarhead with a spine ain't gonna go out like a scared rabbit."

"I guess that's why they call you guys the tip of the spear," he grinned.

"Right." I said.

"Well, I'm assuming you made it through or you wouldn't be sitting here in front of me."

"Damn near choked on that smoke. We hauled ass for like twenty yards through that crap, lungs burnin'. Finally slammed on the brakes - gotta catch our breath. Turns out, the freakin' door we gotta bust through. Barricaded tighter than a snare drum."

His brow furrowed, trying to fathom the situation. "What the hell do you do in moments like that?".

Grinning ruefully, I offered, "Improvise."

"What does that look like?".

My mind traveled back to that single moment in time, every grime-streaked detail etched into my being. "Shit hits the fan, there ain't no time to dither, to think about what might go boom. You just gotta do what it takes to get the job done. So, I grabbed a frag, heart thumpin' like a jackrabbit on a sugar rush.

Seen the fear plastered on Andrews and Vincent's faces. Not stoked about it, but this was our only shot - no time for second thoughts. I screamed at them to haul ass the second I popped the pin, and that's exactly what they did. Didn't even argue.

We were sprinting full tilt towards the front corner of that bombed-out shitheap when suddenly the freakin' ground explodes under our feet. We all ate dirt, sprawled out like ragdolls. I opened my eyes, but all I saw was this brown nightmare - dust and smoke everywhere, thick enough to choke a horse.

Everything was a blur, but I felt Vincent yankin' on my flack jacket. He sounded like a freakin' banshee, screamin' at me if I was alright. In that fog, I must've mumbled somethin' stupid. Maybe I said, 'Never felt better in my life!'  Yeah, that sounds about right.".

The doctor shook his head. "You Marines really have a unique sense of humor in moments like that".

I couldn't help but agree. "It's our tried-and-true coping mechanism.".

"There's a great deal of truth in that. So, did you succeed in getting inside?".

The memory flooded back vividly. "Blind as bats in a cave, touch was all we had. Crawlin' closer, I felt nothin' but splintered wood and busted bricks under my fingers - gotta be the blast entry point. Shouted 'Breach!' We move in, muzzles hot. Three steps in, though, my boot connects with somethin' big and unyielding. Like kickin' a damn wall."

"A body?" He said.

"Nah, turns out it was just some busted-up couch they used to block the door. So there I am, sprawled out on the floor like a dumbass, can't see shit. Heard some faint shufflin' and footsteps comin' from our right, sounds like company. My boys huddle up beside me, and I point up the stairs - flashbang time. Didn't even have a chance to blink before the damn thing comes flying back down at us.

The doctor's eyes widened. "Oh, that's really not good..."

"Hell no," I croaked, voice like sandpaper. "That damn flashbang went tumbling down the stairs, and our hearts about hammered outta our chests. Boom! Like someone detonated a freaking nuke right next to my head. Everything went white-hot, couldn't see nothin', couldn't hear nothin' - just pure pain."

The doctor leaned in, captivated. "What happened then?"

"Everything went slow-mo. Through the ringing in my ears, I saw flashes erupt from the top of the stairs. Bam, bam, bam! Vincent, that crazy son-of-a-gun, shoved me back and took the hits for me. He went down hard, didn't move a muscle. Behind me, Andrews opened up a can of whoop-ass on those bastards - his rifle spittin' like a sewing machine. Between the flashes, I caught sight of the dude at the top - rounds tore into him, ragdollin' him against the wall before he crumpled like a broken puppet. Silence hit us like a ton of bricks after the last shot. And that's when I heard it..."

We both paused for a moment before the doctor asked, "Screaming?.

"It was a woman's for sure. But before I could even wrap my head around that, footsteps hit me from the left—

I felt my heart lurch into my throat as I clenched my eyes shut. It suddenly seemed as though something sinister was wrapping itself around me, squeezing the life from my shuddering body. My mind wouldn't allow my mouth to speak the truth because I knew I had to confess my darkest secret—the insidious demon that made my life a living nightmare.

"Issac... It's okay, you can tell me," he said.

I opened my tear-filled eyes. "I killed him..."

"You killed who, Issac?" His probing eyes searched for answers within my own.

From the depths of my soul, I allowed the words to escape my trembling lips: "Her little boy... I.. I killed him."