Apocalyptic Love

Mourning

Blood, sweat and anger filled the small room. Small grunts echoing of the walls each time my uncles fist collided with Jason's jaw, but still the boy stayed quiet. We needed information about the scavengers and this boy was the only one who could give us that. "Did you tell them where we are" Matt spat, rubbing his bloody fists against his cargos.

The boy tipped his head back, letting the blood swirl from his mouth and down his neck. "Does it matter? He was never going to stop looking for her" his dark eyes loomed over to me "Even if I haven't told him he would have found you, eventually".

I was in a constant state of anxiety, I needed the truth, but Jason was never going to give us that. We'd been at it for two days, multiple beatings mainly by Matt and the boy hadn't give us a minute of hope. My father could show up at our gates any time, or he didn't know. We could find him, question him, but even then we could give away our location. Neither was a win.

"Matt, leave me with him" I looked to my uncle whose eyes were burning with worry "I'll be fine, let me do this".

Matt walked to the door hesitantly, taking my hand in his own before he left "I'll be right outside, he tries anything you shout" I nodded and closed the door, taking a deep inhale before turning back to the imposter.

Without hesitation I strolled over to him, pulling my knife from my belt, his eyes widened as if he didn't expect it from me. On the outside I looked harmless; much like most the women in this world, but I had a rage building and it needed release. The blade slid through his palm and into the chair he was tied to as he let out a harsh grunt, but he didn't cry or yell, he just closed his eyes and took the pain.

"I don't have time for your bullshit, or your reflection" I twisted the knife slightly watching his face contort as the silver sliced his skin deeper "these people don't deserve the shit you guys did and you know that. They protected you, gave you a home and deep-down a part of you knows that" Jason stared at me, then back down to his hand pouring with deep red liquid "All you people wear masks because you think it will shield you form the horrible shit you do but it doesn't, you are just cowards".

"I didn't tell him" Jason's words were straight like his eye contact; he wasn't lying so I pulled the weapon from his hand "it doesn't matter whether I did or didn't though does it. Either way I'm not part of this group anymore and that was the only thing keeping me alive".

He was right. After the school, everybody here lost someone and no one would welcome a person who played part in that, I would never expect them to. "You made your decisions; you have to live with them".

I left the boy in his own despair, sliding down the outside door when I left the room. My hands were covering my face as I let out a harsh breath, I hated being this person. Someone who can mutilate and hurt a human so easily as if it were normal, all we could do was hope that one day things wouldn't be like this.

A muscly arm wrapped across my shoulders, my uncles head leaning against my own "He didn't tell them" I didn't bother looking up to him, I simply settled into his side letting his comfort warm my cold soul.

"We never spoke about it bug" I knew he was talking about my dad; we never got the time. First with me leaving, and then find the group and this place. Life was chaotic and I knew we both needed this "did he ever tell you why he left the army?".

I shook my head slightly urging him to carry on "We was on deployment; Tom was leading a squad on a terrorist attack while I was working air control. He was in deep shit; they were surrounded by hostiles, and he made a decision. It wasn't the right one, but it was the only choice he had at the time and because of that his team was killed" My father never told me this story, my mum told me he had close calls, and she was worried but never to this extent.

"Why are you telling me this?".

Matt let out a sigh "Because when we got back to the base he lost it, he wanted to go back alone and kill every last one of the terrorists who killed his team. Our colonel refused and he pulled a gun on him, threatening everyone until they managed to get him in restraints" This was the side I never knew, to me my father was the kindest soul I knew, always there for his family; a ghost to the person he was now.

"Tom always had a dark side, just nobody saw it. I watched and I still didn't see it; this world brought that out in him" I looked to him with a frown "I'm not trying to explain his actions or play his side Katie, I just want you to understand, it's just how it is".

"I know that I just wish things were different. I just always thought if he were alive it would be the best thing, I'd hug him, tell him how much I missed him but when he took off that mask I felt like my whole life was a lie" The emotions I held back for the man I knew were spilling to the surface and I couldn't stop them, I'd refused to let myself hurt anymore over him, but it was a losing battle.

Matt brushed his hands over my hair gently "I know that's how it feels, I feel the same. But let yourself mourn your dad, the man you knew and not the one this world created. You loved him. Separate him from everything else and let yourself grieve otherwise it will eat you up".

So I did; tears were soaking my shirt as I cried against Matt listening to his soft reassurances as he let silent tears fall. I thought about each and every good memory, blocking the bad. I knew I would see him again, but I wouldn't let it hurt me. My father and Thomas were two very different people, and it was okay to let myself feel that.

I just hoped I could bring myself to do what needed to be done.

Edited