Woke Up Married

15. Paper Heart

The next few days went by in a blur. Monday we met with court clerk and did paperwork. By wednesday I got a call saying we would be seeing a trial and hearing by a judge on the following friday.
I didn't think I could handle it but by Saturday I had convinced myself that it was all over. Next week we would be standing before a judge to make it final.
I should just give up on Jamie. He went through all this to get out of this fake marriage, and like he said we could maybe be friends after all this.
Jamie and I hadn't talked much this whole time. I guess it was just too awkward.
He had several business meetings via video call. By the time he got back to me he said on monday afternoon he would free to help me with my math studies.
I just said okay and that was that.
I sat at my desk cutting paper hearts out of my notebook paper and stacking them in a pile while I listened to music.
I wanted to give them to Jamie. I caught myself off guard thinking of him again. I spent the next few minutes tearing all the hearts up, my eyes filling up with tears.
Several minutes later I decided to take a nap so I didn't have to think about any of this anymore. I felt like this would be the only time I would experience love like this, and it just hurts so much it was all over.
I laid there a couple minutes unable to sleep when my phone dinged. I nearly fell off the bed trying to get to it thinking it was Jamie. It was just Michael asking if we could talk about the kiss.
I just climbed back in bed and closed my eyes. I didn't want to talk to him, or think about that whole situation anymore. After a few minutes I started to drift off to sleep.
My Vans shoes were sinking into the sand as I tried to make my way toward the ocean. The wind was wiping my hair around. I tried to pull it out of my face as the silhouette of a person grew closer.
   
It was Michael standing at the edge of the water. The waves drew out, and then came right back washing over his feet. I stood back not wanting to get my shoes wet. "Um, so I'm here."
   
    Michael turned his head noticing me. "Oh, hey. Come join me. Let's talk."
    I hesitated looking out at the ocean. It looked black at night, with a sliver of moon light glimmering across the surface. "I can't stay long."
    "Of course you can." Michael chuckled, and but when I didn't respond he went quiet. Then he started walking toward me.
    When he was close enough I could smell his cologne, and see the smile on his face. He reached out and took my hands in his. His sandy fingers covering mine. "Peyton, I'm glad you came. I guess this means you feel the same way I do."
    My mouth went dry, and my chest felt tight. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I mean I did once have feelings for him, but that was a long time ago.
    I couldn't get the words out to tell him this wasn't what he thought. It wasn't two people meeting to confirm their love, this was me trying to tell him this couldn't happen.
    He was my best friend's boyfriend, and that was something I accepted long ago, and that was when I decided to move on.
    I pulled his hands away from him, but then they were suddenly on my shoulders. I tried to shrug his hands off me. He was getting me all sandy.
    "Peyton, talk to me."
    "I don't want to do this." I finally said.
    "What? I don't understand. Didn't you write me that love letter?"
    "Yeah like two years ago, Michael. You weren't supposed to get it. It fell out of my notebook. I forgot I even had it. How did you even get it?"
    "A friend on the lacrosse team gave it to me. Said he found it, and it had my name on it. He kind of gave me hell because it was so mushy, but that's beside the fact that you told me you loved me."
    "That doesn't matter anymore."
    "Maybe it does to me."
    I was not trying to fight with him, but he looked like he was getting frustrated and I was sure it was going in that direction.
    "Michael, I met you here where you asked me to in the middle of the night. Isn't all this kind of ridiculous? I mean you're dating my best friend anyways remember? Can we just pretend this never happened. Can we just stay friends?" I asked. I wanted this to be over with.
    "I know this isn't the most ideal way this could have panned out but now that I know I can't stop thinking about it. And I love Rain, but it's more of a friend love now. I don't know how to really explain this. I've never felt this way before."
    I shook my head. "I just can't do this right now."
    Michael stepped closer, so close I could see tears brimming his eyes. "You can't do this? I'm the one risking everything to be here. Just to see if this is... I don't know."
    I didn't know how to comfort him. He had been my friend for years, and over that time it had never been uncomfortable until now.
    Suddenly he was pulling me into a hug. He sobbed into my hair a little, and when he pulled away a little his lips met mine. It surprised me at first and the only sound I could hear was the crash of the waves behind us.
    I pushed him away and his eyes met mine. I shook my head no tears now starting to fill my vision. He reached out as if to clear my tears, I yanked away.
    I couldn't do this anymore. So I started backing up, I stumbled and fell back into the sand. Michael rushed over to help me up, but I was already so overwhelmed by all this and the kiss that shouldn't of happened.
    I pushed away from him and yelled for him not to follow me. I ran as fast as I could away from him. My muscles were burning, my shoes digging into the sand.
    My eyes were filled with tears now, but I could see a dim light in the distance. I looked back and Michael was far back trying to collect his stuff, and was already headed after me.
    I took a sharp turn and stumbled onto pavement. I kept running like a crazy woman. I didn't want to face him right now. I looked behind me again to see if he was close behind, and that was when I collided with something.
    I jerked awake and thought over the dream I just had. It felt so real. Too real honestly it made me do something I didn't think I would, I called Michael to ask him what happened that night and he told me basically the same story.
    He wanted to keep talking about it, but I told him I had to go. I shouldn't have even called him but I needed to know. I sat on the edge of my bed thinking about how I remembered something.
    I tried to go back to sleep in hopes of remembering something else but I doubted that that was how things worked. I ended up spending all weekend on and off naps I couldn't get any sleep sunday night.
    I was sure I would oversleep but I made sure to set alarms. I guess I shut them off and went back to sleep because then Jamie was calling me. "Hello?"
    "Hey. I was going to take you to school this morning. Did you already get a ride?"
    "Nope." I said so tired with my eyes shut and the phone just laying on my face.
    "Are you okay?" He sounded worried.
    "Ugh. I don't know anymore." I just felt so heart broken.
    "Peyton?" He repeated my name a couple times until I responded.
    "Hmmm?" I managed realizing I'd fallen asleep again. When he didn't respond I realized he hung up. "Whatever." I mumbled and went back to sleep.
    The next thing I know Jamie was pulling up again into that sitting position. His hair tickled my face and he smelled so good. "Peyton, how many times are we going to go through this? Are you taking your medication?"
    I jerked away from him when he tried to lift the back of my shirt. "Woah. I'm fine. I'm just tired."
    I finally caught eyes with him. He was staring at me tears starting to streak his face. He dropped his head on top of my shoulder wrapping his arms around me. "I'm so glad you're okay."
    He sobbed onto my shoulder a little. I was surprised.
    Just as suddenly as he had gotten close he was pulling away. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't act that way. It's just..."
    He went silent. Was he embarrassed?
    "You just what?" It came out a whisper, and his green eyes looked into mine.
    "I just care about you." His eyes were still teary.
    It made my heart beat fast, and I didn't want to get too excited about his words. I didn't want to misunderstand him anymore. "I care about you too."
    He sort of laughed even though he was still crying. "Nobody has ever told me that."
We just sat there looking at each other for a moment.
He was the first to speak. "I'm sorry I've not been myself lately. I know all this is a lot. I never meant for any of this to happen. I feel like I've ruined your life. You must hate me."
"I don't. It feels like a blessing in disguise." I paused noticing his eyebrow raise a little.
Was I already confessing to him my feelings? I was getting a little anxious as I continued. "Um, like feels like we have become friends, and that means alot to me because I don't really have many friends. My only two friends started dating each other."
Was I rambling now? My heart beat had picked up. He didn't say anything.
"Friends sound nice actually." He seemed a little down. "After I found out about Conner and Hollie, I didn't really have anyone else to talk to. I've always been so busy I hardly have time to build relationships with people."
"That sounds really lonely." I set my hand on his. His eyes went from my hand to my eyes.
"Yeah it really can be." Then he leaned toward me until his forehead met mine. "Do you really care about me?"
"I do." I said feeling the butterflies in my chest going crazy. I could feel his breath on my lips. Was he going to kiss me?
My eyes were shut when he pulled away. My eyes fluttered open and he was already headed to the door. I was so confused.
I stumbled out of bed and up to him before he could go out. "W-what was that?"
He acted like he wasn't going to turn back but then did. He cleared his throat. "I have to go. I'll see you this afternoon."
I just stared at him. I wanted him to come back in here and explain to me why he wanted to be friends but was going to kiss me.
I walked over to my desk after he left and taped back together one of the hearts. I guess I'm just hopeless.