Golden | S.Reid

Nightmares

It's been three weeks. Three weeks since Alex left the BAU. I missed her, but we are still in contact. It's been three weeks and 5 days since Spencer was shot in the neck. I thought I was handling it well at first, I was sleeping okay, managing my emotions just fine for the first week. But then it started. The nightmares.

My hands were shaking in my lap as I sat up in my bed. I didn't feel quite awake yet, still stuck between reality and dreams. Fear sat heavily in my chest and I gasped for air, my anxiety was eating me alive and causing tears to prick at my eyes. I hadn't expected to be affected like this. I haven't felt this way since Jo.

My dreams were usually the same, but they varied. Sometimes I heard the gunshot echoing loudly and had to watch as he fell, desperately trying to get to him but never making it. Other times, I was in the hospital, and he didn't make it then either. I often had to remind myself that he was alive.

I often found myself wanting to go to his door, to see him and make sure that he was alive and safe, but I didn't. I tried my hardest to comfort and reassure myself on my own. I would hate to inconvenience him at all.

I spent a lot of time with him, when I could. Anytime he asked me to go to some strange event that had caught his eye, I was there by his side. My feelings for him had continued to grow as the weeks passed.

On the plus side, Spencer had finally gotten his bandage off and his wound had healed significantly. There was only some sensitive scarring left behind. A sign that he had survived.

I glanced over at my phone to check the time. I still had an hour until I was supposed to be up for work, but I don't think I'll get back to sleep after that dream. So I got up to have a shower, a long hot shower, so maybe I won't feel like I have his blood coating my hands again.

After an hour and a half passed me by, I was finally able to get out the door and go to work. At least there I can see that Spencer is still okay. Sometimes I feel like he died and because I can't see him, it makes my fears worse.

The moment that I pulled up into the parking lot and saw him walking towards the front door with his brown bag slung over his shoulder and his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, I felt relieved, and also a little flustered.

I climbed out of my car and walked over to him. He hadn't noticed me yet, so I playfully bumped his shoulder as I came to stand beside him.

Spencer was surprised, but he relaxed when he noticed it was me. "Oh, hey." He said wind a laugh

"Hey." I said with a smile

"How was your weekend?" Spencer asked as he held the door open for me

"It was okay. How about you?" I asked him.

"It was good, I mostly did a lot of reading, but that's probably no surprise." Spencer said with a smile.

The lift doors that were just ahead of us were starting to close. Spencer reached forward and pushed his bag in between the doors before they could fully close, causing the doors to open back up again. The woman inside looked mildly surprised.

"Sorry. Hi." Spencer said with a small wave as he stepped into the lift. I stepped in after him and stood between him and the woman.

"Good morning. Which floor?" She asked

"Six...you, too." Spencer said, noting that the number six had already been pressed. The doors slid shut and we began to go upwards. 

"Karaoke at the Benjamin." Spencer suddenly said

"Excuse me?" The woman asked in confusion

"You were singing karaoke at the Benjamin the night it closed." Spencer explained