Jacob is very thankful for Frank.
He can't imagine what he'd be doing if it weren't for him.
Actually he could. On the plane, he'd made himself a playlist of breakup songs, mostly from Etta James, and his plan was to hook his phone up to his speaker and blast it and eat all day.
But Frank wouldn't let him. When Jacob told Frank what actually happened between himself and Chresanto, Frank made it his mission to occupy all of Jacob's time by making him go on walks and always keeping him engaged in a conversation, but every silent moment Jacob had whether it be three seconds or three hours, his mind always went back to Chresanto. He tried hard for himself and for Frank to try not to mope around but his mind had other ideas.
He tries to be strong for Frank and for himself, but he's just so sad about it.
Still, Jacob's so thankful for Frank. He's always asking him how he feels and although most of the time, he lies and says he's doing okay, he's glad that Frank actually cares.
When Frank was asleep Jacob would be up drinking tea and crying or whenever Frank was in the bathroom, he'd search Chresanto to see if he was doing okay. He was. He always was. He looked so happy in the pictures with Justine, Jacob couldn't tell if it was real or not.
Either way it still upset Jacob. When he looks back on pictures of himself and Chresanto, he doesn't look happy and that's what depresses Jacob.
What did he do wrong? Was Chresanto not happy? Why was he not happy?
Jacob hates thinking about the fact that maybe Chresanto wasn't happy. But then as he thinks back he can't remember a time when Chresanto ever said he was happy and that puts Jacob even deeper in the dumps.
The five stages of grief were mixed up. He had gone through bargaining and denial. Bargaining was over the course of the entire relationship. If I stay quiet then maybe he'll do what I ask. Denial was only for a short period. In the airport Jacob had second thoughts about leaving, thinking that maybe he should go back to Chresanto that he'd change eventually, but once he stepped on the plane, depression hit, and now he was on anger.
He and Frank had been cuddling on the couch eating and watching romantic comedies like Love Actually and Sleepless in Seattle. They had just started watching Love Story and after Jenny was diagnosed with leukemia, Jacob excused himself to the bathroom and when he looked at himself in the mirror, he saw red. He started yelling and throwing things and screaming 'Why Jenny?'
This had nothing to do with Jenny and Oliver and everything to do with Jacob and Chresanto.
After hearing what was happening, Frank was knocking on the door asking him to come out, but Jacob didn't hear him or pretended like he didn't as he continued to throw things from the cabinet to the floor. He just grunted and screamed as he threw everything he could get his hands on.
Once the bathroom was in shambles and everything that he could grab was on the floor, he took a deep breath looking at all the damage he'd caused before letting out a loud sob and sliding down to the floor.
"Jacob are you alright?" Frank asked as the bathroom quieted down. He heard Jacob's sobs and his heart clenched. Frank felt sad when anyone was crying, but this was Jacob and he really liked Jacob and even though he couldn't see him, the thought and sound of Jacob crying crushed him.
His mom cried a lot when he was younger. Mostly because of his dad, but whenever she would cry she'd ask him to sing her 'Tell Mama' by Etta James so that's what he does.
You thought you had found a good girl
One to love you and give you the world
Now you find that you've been misused
Talk to me, I'll do what you choose, I want you to
Tell Mama all about it
Tell Mama what you need
Tell Mama what you want
And I'll make everything alright
Before Frank can start the second verse the bathroom door opens revealing a puffy eyed Jacob. "I need to talk to my mom."
That was the only way he'd get to acceptance.
...
"You've been really distracted this entire time, are you okay?" Justine asked as squeezing his hand across the table of the warm coffee shop they were in. "I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind." Chresanto shrugged as he pulled his hand away from her. He didn't miss the momentary look of hurt on Justine's face.
"Me too. With the tour and all this stuff coming up." Justine shrugs. Chresanto nods along pretending like he can identify with her. He's not nervous about the tour. He's nervous about what it will be like without Jacob there.
Will he be able to sing the same or dance the same? Will he be able to focus? It's been a while since he's been on tour without Jacob. He can barely remember what it was like before him.
Justine has noticed that Chresanto misses Jacob (not for the reasons he actually does. She thinks he just misses spend in time with his friend), so she's been trying to do stuff with him that'll keep his mind off of it by getting as many joint interviews set up as she can and when they aren't in an interview they're out on a date.
Chresanto is very annoyed by her now. She won't leave him alone. They're together at least 13 hours a day. And when they're not together, she's texting him or they're on FaceTime.
Chresanto misses Jacob a lot. There's not a minute that goes by without him thinking about Jacob. It doesn't help that he and Frank are the hottest new couple and are always on the news. He can't be jealous. He chose the label over Jacob. This is his fault.
And now he's suffering the consequences. He's learning what the phrase "you can't have your cake and eat it too" means. It's the theme of his life.
He has to let Jacob try to be happy because Jacob is letting him try to be happy. Jacob could've told someone about their relationship, but he didn't because he still wants Chresanto to be happy, with or without him.
"You spaced out again there babe." Justine smiles as she shakes the table slightly. Chresanto smiles a little before taking a sip of his tea.
"I think we should go. I want to show you something." Justine grabs his hand and pulls him out of his seat and then out of the shop.
If you can't tell I've been watching Cadillac Records all weekend and Etta James just became my new favorite artist so.
The good stuff is coming up guys. I swear just give it two chapters and Royce will be back so don't worry, even though it'll probably be like five chapters from now, they'll come back.
Sorry if this chapter is jumbled up and weird but my parents stole my laptop charger and went on some couples retreat and I had to rearrange stuff from my phone and I couldn't wait to update because they won't be back until Wednesday so if you get confused just tell me and I'll try to fix it the best I can.
