I Said No

Chapter seventeen

Math 111. Calculus. I used to be good at math. I understand it. It's always been easy, but I've been skipping so many classes. All of our homework is due online and most of the time I haven't done it.

Today, is our final and my first final of dead week. I know I will do well. I crammed all night and have a sheet of notes.

"You have two hours to complete both sections of your test. One half will be multiple choice and you will fill that out with your scantrons and the other half you will have to write out the problems. Please write it all out. I want to see your train of thought for how you got to your conclusion. Your time starts now," my professor says. He's a genius. A literal mathematician. He's tall, slender, with grey hair. He's speaks a little on the nerdy side, but he's smart. He's good at being smart. I just sometimes get lost in his train of thought.

I am cruising through this final. It's all stuff I've done before. I shouldn't have been so worried. Who cares if I didn't come to class, how many points does participation truly count for? Missing homework will probably get me a lower grade in this class but if I ace this final, I'll probably finish the class with a C, maybe even a B-.

Finals always count for so much more than everything else. Most of the time 50% of the final grade. I've got this. The time I've spent in bed will not ruin my college career. I will get through this and try better next term.

I needed the time. I needed to heal. I still haven't all the way healed, but I'm here now. I'm taking this final and that has got to count for something.

Done.

That was easy.

I smugly walk my final to the front of the classroom and add it to the pile of already finished exams. There. I did it. Now to wait until later to see my score and final grade.

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F.

An F? How did I fail the class? What did I get on my test? I look further online. I have an A- next to the final exam I had just taken. How did I fail the class if I got an A- on the exam?

I immediately click on the 'email professor' link. This cannot be right, there must be an error somewhere.

'Hi, my name is Emily. I was just in your math 111 class and took my final today at noon. I think there was some kind of error. It says I got an A- on the exam, but that I failed the class. I think something went wrong. I know I have some missing assignments and absences, but I thought they would even themselves out or cancel the other and I would still get a passing grade. I'm not quite sure what happened.

Thank you for your time,

Emily'

Now I wait. Hopefully he sees the email promptly and gets my grade edited. I've never failed a class and I do not plan on starting now. No matter the circumstance.

I hear an email coming in. That was fast. Thank goodness.

'Hello Emily,

I'm sorry, but unfortunately you've been misinformed. I grade on an even scale. A test point is worth the same amount as a homework point. Check your syllabus. With so many missing assignments, you have failed the class. Even though you tested so well today.

Better Luck next time,

Mr. H.'

No. No. No. Not another unfortunate circumstance. I can't fail right now. I needed this class. It would have been my last math class ever. I don't want to have to retake the class. Repay for the class. This is not happening. How did I fail?

I don't have time for this. I need to get to my next final, Art History 204. I run to the building, it's on the other side of campus. The auditorium is already full, but I find a seat in the back.

"You have one hour to finish your final. Identify each piece of art by name, artist, and date. Then do the short essay questions on the back. Good luck," and immediately after, I'm back into another exam. This one is harder. I don't know any of the answers. At most, I can only come up with one third of the answer and I'm still not sure if that's even right. I'm not sure of anything on here. They all look the same. Women holding angelic babies, wings, nudity. It's all the same. I flip to the back of the exam to try and give my brain some kind of break from the frustration, but I don't know the answers to the back either. I try to make up a bullshit response and hope that it'll do. Or at least get me some points.

I flip back to the first page of the exam. I still can't think of any more answers. I can't fix anything. No one else has turned in their exam yet. But there's nothing more to do. I cannot simply sit here and dwell.

I'm tired, so tired. I need to go back home and get back in my safe spot.

I walk my final exam to the front of the auditorium. It feels like I'm walking on water and everyone is watching me in astonishment. All eyes are on me. I smile and act as if I am excited to turn in my exam. I walk faster, with a pep in my step. Do I look happy? Or do I resemble the joker from batman? A creepy smile on my face while my eyes tell a different story.

I can't believe that just happened. I walk out of the auditorium and on my way back towards my home.

Did I just fail again?

I can't fail. Not school. I need school. I can't lose my scholarship.

***Author's note***

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