I Said No

Chapter twenty nine

Why am I heading over to Taylor's apartment? I will just be adding to this wild downfall that I am on. I don't need to drink anymore. It only numbs the world. I don't need numb, I need lively, I need joy, I need love. Not numbness. But being numb is better than the option I've been choosing. I'd rather be numb than cry. I'd rather be numb than think about him. I'd rather be numb than feel rejected.

I knock on her door. I have never been to Taylor's house. She always seemed more like Layla's friend than mine. I actually think I stayed upset with her longer than Layla did. I don't know how Layla could overcome that in their friendship. She slept with her fiancé, that should have been an end all to their relationship. But it wasn't, and here I am, ready to drink.

"Yay! You made it!" She exclaims with a big smile. "We're having margaritas. Come in. Let me give you the big tour." She seems buzzed already, I don't think she's ever greeted me with so much enthusiasm. Maybe she feels sorry for me. Maybe Layla told her my secret. "Here's the kitchen and dining room," she says as she points. It's a basic kitchen, older appliances, small attached area to have a dining room table. "And over here is obviously the living room. My tv. My dog's bed."

"So cute!" I say as I walk over and give the little guy a good scratch.

"And over here is my room. It's huge!" She says with pride as she walks into her new bedroom. I follow her.

"It's so awesome you could get this place all by yourself," I say. It is a pretty decent apartment. "Where's Layla?" I thought she would be here. I've never hung out with Taylor alone. I wouldn't really say we're friends. She's Layla's friend and I'm Layla's friend so our paths have crossed.

"She'll be here any minute. She went to grab some food." She sits on her bed and motions for me to come over and sit next to her. "I have something I want to tell you," she says in a serious tone. She looks me in the eyes and pauses. Now I know Layla told her. I wish she wouldn't have done that. It's my life, my secret. I don't want a pity party. "Layla told me what happened," a tear starts to form. I see her eyes well and gloss over. "He did it to me too," she whispers with her eyes still locked on mine. She blinks out a tear. Not too many. Just one slow one sliding down her cheek. And just like that, she has wiped it away and no more tears.

"What? Why are you still friends with him? Why was he at your birthday party? What happened? When did it happen? Are you ok?" My brain feels like it just went through a marathon. This is not what I expected. Why would someone choose to hangout with their rapist? I for one know I never want to see his face again.

"It was a while ago. Kind of the same thing, we were at a party, I drank too much and he had sex with me. I just laid there, hoping he would stop. And then I heard rumors that he had told his friends about sleeping with me and like dogged on me. He told them it was like fucking a pillow. That I just laid there. So he raped me and then made fun of me," she blurts out in disgust.

"I am so sorry. He did the same thing to me, kind of bragging about having sex with me to Devin. Unbelievable. And you know what, I just found out he did this to another girl too." This is unbelievable. What is this guy, some kind of serial rapist who preys on drunk women? "Did you report him?" I ask. Now I wish I had. He deserves to rot in jail.

"No, I didn't want that kind of attention. It kind of felt like my fault for getting so drunk. If I would have been sober, it wouldn't have happened. And he's in my friend circle, I didn't want drama."

"I didn't report it either. And neither did the other girl." What if he keeps doing it? He's never been in trouble for it, I mean Alicia yelled at him and threw him out of her apartment, but that's not as drastic of a repercussion he should be facing. He should be in trouble. There should be consequences. He shouldn't be able to just keep doing this. He shouldn't be able to keep raping women.

I should have done something.

I should have reported him.

Instead of wallowing away in my self pity, I should have taken action. I should have taken a stand. I should have made sure that he could never do this to anyone else. That no one else should have to feel what us three women have felt. Maybe if the first person he did this to had reported it, I would have never been raped. My life would still be on track. I wouldn't have ruined everything. I hear the front door opening.

"Hello, anyone home? I bought chorizo," Layla's booming voice fills the entire house.

"Yeah, we're in here," Taylor shouts across the way.

"Coming." I yell as I stand up and give Taylor a hug. "I'm sorry," I whisper in her ear. This was our moment. It didn't need to be shared.

I do want to be her friend. She opened up to me without even really knowing me. We could get through this together.  We could be each other's rocks. Plus she's fun. We could drink and cry together.

We walk out to Layla together. It's smells amazing. She has homemade tortillas going and the chorizo in the pan sizzling. "Well there's my two best friends. I have the food going. I'll do it mild for little miss Emily. Where's the drinks?"

"Margaritas," Taylor yells while putting extra emphasis on rolling her tongue for that last "r". "I'll make a new batch," she says as she starts filling her blender.

We can all be friends. It doesn't need to be Taylor or me. We can all be friends. Maybe even best friends. She hands us each a margarita. I take a swig, yum it's tropical. We can do this. I was wrong. Layla was right to forgive her.

***Author's Note***

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