Dauntless- A fanfic of Divergent

Chapter 9- Gray

I think my heart stops once. I drift in and out of consciousness. What I do see is chaos, and none of it really makes sense to my dizzy brain. I'm just so tired. Even the pain has subsided. I fall into the black void a few times, but I'm always able to drift back up, into the gray area. I almost want to give up. I want to let the darkness drag me under. So I don't have to fight anymore. I'm just so tired. It would be so easy to let go, and fall down. Into what I assume is death. That's how Tyson would want it. It's how I want it right now. I'm heavy, and worn out. I've had enough. But the white won't let me go. It just keeps holding on, pulling me upwards. And I have no energy to fight it. Life won't let me go, as much as I want to. But then I hear a voice through the haze. One that I can't leave behind. One that has saved me many times before. I can't leave him. He's here now. With me. But they won't let him close. I struggle towards the surface, wanting to see him. I want to hold his hand, so he can hold me up. So I won't fall into the darkness. It's amazing how one person can change everything. I try to say his name, or even open my eyes, but all it brings is the faint sound of an increased beeping from the heart monitor. There are faint shouts and a cold liquid seeps through my veins. I'm dragged back into the gray area. But I can feel him holding on, and I know I won't fall. So I let myself drift into an uneasy sleep, fighting all the while. Because I can't leave him. I can't.

I don't know how much time has passed. Hours? Days? Months? Maybe even longer. It's all a haze, all a blur. Pain. Redness, gray, blackness. And every once and a while, bright, bright white. I'm stuck struggling in the gray area. Unable to go further up, or sink further down. I fight as hard as I can to surface, so go upwards. But something holds me back. Something that I cannot break free of. Am I in a simulation? Can I use my Divergence? I try to use it, but nothing happens. I'm losing my mind. But there is nothing I can do about it but keep fighting. So I do, clinging to life with whatever strength I have left. For him. I've fought too hard to give up now. So I wait. And I wait. And eventually, I break free.

Life is bright. Painfully bright. I can't tell where I am at the moment, because everything is so white. I can only register the searing pain in my side. I grit my teeth and gasp, but that makes it hurt even more. Breathing hurts too. Only one thought can break free from the pain. Is he here? Can I see him? I want to see him. He can tell me where I am. I am confused, thoroughly confused. I'm not sure how I got here or even what happened. He can tell me. He's the only thing that really makes sense right now.

I need to make a noise, just something, anything. I groan a bit, even though it hurts. It's worth it to see him. All of me hurts. There are wires and needs everywhere. They're making me claustrophobic. I try to say his name, but it comes out as a quiet whisper. "Zeke." There is a flurry of movement to my right, but I can't really turn my head to look. His face appears beside me, and I smile a bit, unbearably glad to see him. That hurts too. Can I do anything without it hurting? He laughs, putting a hand over his mouth. He careful not to touch me, and if I'm right, he's crying. That almost never happens. He looks like a wreck. His hair is disheveled, there are bags under his eyes, and they are red. He looks like he's been through hell. He begins to gain a bit more control of himself. "You were dead. You died Cal." He says, voice shaky but relieved. I still can't speak really above a whisper. "Well I'm not dead now." He runs his hands through his hair, eyes trained on my face "I should have been there." "Four was." I say, regaining some of my memory. "It should have been me!" he says, upset. "Zeke." I say quietly, trying to get him to calm down. He's obviously tired, and an emotional wreck. Reminds me of myself sometimes. "What did you do to yourself?" I ask, staring at him. He sits back down, looking a bit drunk. I think he has it worse than me. "I haven't slept since they brought you here." He responds simply. I raise an eyebrow "Why?" He sighs, like its obvious. "I had to be here if..." his voice trails off in pain. "If I woke up?" I finish, knowing that was not at all what he was going to say. He doesn't respond. "About that, where am I?" I continue, glancing around the room. "Hospital. Tyson shot you." He explains. That makes much more sense. I am starting to get tired, so this isn't all that shocking. "Oh, ok." I say softly, not really caring at this point. "Get some sleep." I tell him, and yawn, which also hurts. He sighs. "I will too." I whisper, nodding off. He grabs my hand, looking desperate and also relieved. "I love you Cal." He says. He must be worried I won't wake up again. I know I will, but he doesn't. I try to tell him, but I'm being dragged down again. So I settle for a "Love you too." I'm not sure if he heard me though, because I'm already asleep.

A/N: wooo not dead!! Anywas, slap dat vote button, and as always, stay Dauntless:)

-Argo