She Saved Me | Tom Riddle

Thoughts & Feelings

This chapter is going to be primarily through Tom's point of view, but not completely because ill need to jump back into third person. Sound good?

Listen: Brandy by Looking Glass (for the sole purpose of me being obsessed with this song since seeing Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2)

P.S. you guys might get a little mad at me for something 🙈

15 | thoughts & feelings

Tom was sitting in the main room, watching as the rain dripped down the window. The world behind it was blurred and damp as the clouds stayed their dark gray color. A storm had just passed the night before, leaving behind an unending curtain of water from the sky. The air was cool, creating a calming atmosphere that had allowed him to rest peacefully for once. But while his body was relaxed, his mind wasn't.

Recently he had found his mind at war with itself. One side was saying one thing and the other another thing. This war in his mind began the other day after Ava brought him to the meadow. It was hard to believe she felt comfortable enough to bring him there alone and share it with him. The way things felt between them that day was different, something he had never experienced before. Something changed when they were there; he couldn't decide if it was a good change or not. Since then his mind has been full of thoughts about what this change could mean for them.

What he was experiencing with Ava is something he has never felt before, or even thought about. Whether it was from primarily only speaking to Ava and being around her or the other day influencing him somehow, he felt less closed off than what he once was. He was always cold and distant from everyone around him out of habit, out of necessity. Since being in this time and staying with the Merins, he felt as though he was becoming warmer, if it's even possible. The ice was melting from around his unfeeling heart.

He hated it.  

Ava was doing something to him, something he didn't think was possible. She was making him feel something other than hatred and indifference. He felt different than when he first came here and he almost couldn't recognize himself. The worst part is he found himself accepting it. His mind was on the edge of embracing this change and welcoming it. Another part of him, which was causing the war in him, was determined to hold on to everything he was and refused to give up his ambitions. This side of him was urging him to rebuild the wall between him and his feelings. Never had he given in to them before, ignoring their existence. Feelings and emotions were a distraction, a weakness. He couldn't forget that.

But with Ava, sweet pure Ava, he wanted to let go and accept them. He wanted to be free to open up to her completely. She made him feel like he could tell her anything, absolutely anything in the world without her turning from him. With her, he felt like he could breathe. He felt safe. And yet his own instinct to shield himself from any harm, physical or emotional, made him keep Ava at a distance. He wouldn't allow anything, not even her, through his wall and threaten his security. After what happened the other day, he could not allow her to get any closer, again.

Tom sighed, turning from the window to lean his back against it. All these thoughts were giving him a headache, but he couldn't get them to stop. Try as he might, his mind kept going back to his situation with Ava. He hadn't even spoken to her as much as usual since their day in the meadow. Of course that wasn't all him, as Ava had been keeping to herself mostly. She seemed distracted by something and he had a feeling it was due to what she found in her father's office.

He understood her desire to be by herself occasionally, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling disappointed. He knew she was hiding her discovery from him, especially now that he hasn't heard any mention of the item her mother needed. Clearly, Ava lied to him. He saw her holding something and was annoyed that she still kept it from him after he caught her. As curious as he is about what she found, he'll wait for her to bring it up. If she does that is. Perhaps it's something unimportant and he shouldn't concern himself over it. Tom ran his hand through his hair, leaning his head back against the window and closed his eyes. His thoughts began to wonder again to the other day with Ava. He groaned in frustration before deciding to seek her out. He stood up, not bothering to straighten his clothes and went up to her room.