Severus... Reformed / SNILY (COMPLETE)

Chapter Fourteen

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION AND SELF-HARM. PLEASE BE AWARE IF YOU ARE AVERSE TO READING ABOUT THIS.

*****

Severus awoke a few hours later, head throbbing. The Hospital Wing was dark, with only one lamp illuminating the Headmaster at the end of his bed. The aged man looked pensive and didn't speak until Severus clawed his way up into a sitting position.

"You have Bulimia," was Dumbledore's first statement, spoken with much worry.

Severus looked matter-of-factly at the headmaster, unconcerned. "I've had it a long time. I've never been accustomed to great amounts of food so when there is lots... it never stays long."

"You have Depression and you inflict great pain on yourself," Albus' gaze was earnest, searching. "I need answers, not excuses, to help you."

Severus clutched his left arm suddenly and black clouds drifted across his eyes. Albus was shut out. "It is not your place to know my secrets, however authoritative you think you are," the boy replied coldly. "If I had known you were going to pry, I never would have turned up to something quite so invasive. The pain lets me see beyond the other hurt. That is all you have the right to know." He stood up, cradling his arm. His head pounded, and he feared he would pass out again. He had re-opened the wounds on his wrist only yesterday and he felt the weakness in his legs. He could crumple to the floor at any point.

Albus stood too, only just dwarfing the svelte figure.

"Ferula," he muttered, pointing at Severus' arm. Bandages wound themselves around the hand and wrist. Severus glared at him. "I'll know if you take them off, and some would say it is my right to know so you cannot harm any of my pupils."

"And some would say it is your right to be kept in the dark, and not peruse the issues of your students, of which I am seemingly not counted one. You should be kept in the dark of this secret, Albus Dumbledore. After all, you did the same to me."

*

Dumbledore sat in his study much later, once again bathed in shadow. One hand ran itself though the fine grey strands of his beard; and the other pressed a wand to his temple and drew out a long silvery strand. He dropped the strand into his Pensieve and watched the Ravenclaw's face emerge from the memories.

"After all, you did the same to me."

Those words haunted him. What had he done? When had he kept a secret from the young boy? His mother was ill, Severus had told him that himself. He'd also mentioned that Eileen Prince had made a bad choice in the man she married and that her husband was a Muggle. But he'd said he wasn't prejudiced against Muggles, as his best friend was a Muggle-born. However, in between the lines he'd insinuated that if he did have a prejudice, he'd hide it a lot better than that.

The boy had been flaunting his intelligence. Perhaps this was his roundabout way of saying he was hiding his prejudice in plain sight.

Albus let his head drop to his desk in frustration. Phineas Nigellus Black sniggered in his portrait.

"Having trouble, Dumbledore?" The portrait sneered. He despised the Gryffindor Headmaster with a passion and was all too keen to let it show.

"Yes," Albus admitted wearily. "There is a boy in Ravenclaw House who knows many secrets about me. He doesn't come across as one of Voldemort's fanatics but how can one be so sure? He knows too much, and that worries me."

"The great Albus Dumbledore, worried?" Phineas taunted. "You think too much. He is a Ravenclaw, after all. He's probably just being clever, an attribute which you always did lack."

The other portraits hissed in anger, perpetually on the current headmaster's side.

"Well, Phineas," Albus sighed, "answer me this." The portrait appeared interested. "Is he Yin or is he Yang?"

"What tomfoolery is this, Dumbledore?" Phineas growled.

"Chinese Muggle philosophy," Albus replied calmly. "Is Severus open, overt, sunny? Or is he covert, concealed, hidden, shadowed and sinister? We all have light and dark within us, which we can act on. But there is he who is light with dark inside, or he that is dark with light inside. And I fear the latter."

*****

A.N. Dumbledore plagiarises Wikipedia! I always liked the thought that he would know a lot about Muggle wisdom, a lot like Arthur Weasley knows all about Muggle objects.

I hope the warning at the start was useful - I don't know whether it was needed, but still.

If I have got any of those conditions, or any of the facts wrong, don't hesitate to tell me. I'm always open to suggestions, and lots of comments!

This chapter is dedicated to @LilyKnowItAll for being the first person to ask me to write more.

Thank you for reading!