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When There Was Me And You | Part 1

Poetry

You were my First Love; toxic, unhealthy for my state. But i learned Love from you; you taught me what it meant to spend nights crying at the edge of my bed and how it felt to really smile. ************************* This is a collection of poetry...

#boy #deep #dreams #experience #forever #happiness #happy #heartbreak #heartstrings #highschool #highschoolexperience #him #journal #life #love #memory #nostalgia #pain #past #poems #poetry #reminders #reminisce #sadness #words

my l o v e was like s u i c i d e

23 6 1 
                                    

                                              
23/07/2017
There's​ ​this​ ​boy 
I​ ​was​ ​once​ ​in​ ​love​ ​with; 
I​ ​lived​ ​for​ ​him​ ​and 
I​ ​died​ ​a​ ​thousand​ ​deaths​ ​for​ ​him, 
Maybe​ ​that's​ ​why 
We​ ​could​ ​never​ ​be​ ​together 
I​ ​put​ ​him​ ​before​ ​everything​ ​and​ ​everyone, 
He​ ​became​ ​the​ ​number​ ​one​ ​priority 
But​ ​he​ ​never​ ​told​ ​me​ ​what​ ​he​ ​felt; 
Maybe​ ​he​ ​was​ ​just​ ​living​ ​in​ ​the​ ​moment 
Enjoying​ ​the​ ​attention, 
The​ ​love​ ​poems 
And​ ​the​ ​tears​ ​cried​ ​over​ ​him, 
But​ ​he​ ​forgot​ ​i​ ​wouldn't​ ​be​ ​there​ ​waiting​ ​on​ ​him; 
Desperate​ ​for​ ​his​ ​love​ ​forever 
He​ ​was​ ​honest​ ​and​ ​then​ ​he​ ​wasn't 
But​ ​he​ ​wasn't​ ​known​ ​for​ ​being​ ​a​ ​liar​ ​either; 
Just​ ​a​ ​boy​ ​who​ ​was​ ​famous​ ​for​ ​playing​ ​with​ ​the​ ​hearts​ ​of​ ​the​ ​ones 
Who​ ​gave​ ​it​ ​to​ ​him, 
But​ ​when​ ​i​ ​looked​ ​at​ ​him 
He​ ​looked​ ​at​ ​me​ ​like​ ​it​ ​was​ ​him​ ​who​ ​was​ ​the​ ​one​ ​in​ ​love; 
Like​ ​it​ ​was​ ​him​ ​who​ ​had​ ​spent​ ​sleepless​ ​nights 
Crying​ ​at​ ​the​ ​edge​ ​of​ ​his​ ​bed 
With​ ​nothing​ ​and​ ​no​ ​one​ ​to​ ​give​ ​him​ ​comfort​ ​except 
The​ ​warmth​ ​of​ ​his​ ​pillows, 
The​ ​embrace​ ​of​ ​his​ ​covers; 
Like​ ​it​ ​was​ ​him​ ​who​ ​although​ ​wasn't​ ​religious 
Still​ ​got​ ​on​ ​his​ ​knees 
Each​ ​and​ ​every​ ​day; 
In​ ​front​ ​of​ ​God​ ​and​ ​hoped 
That​ ​his​ ​tears​ ​and​ ​blood​ ​were​ ​worth​ ​it​ ​all; 
Like​ ​it​ ​was​ ​him​ ​who​ ​was​ ​ready 
For​ ​any​ ​obstacle​ ​to​ ​befall​ ​him; 
Any​ ​test​ ​to​ ​try​ ​him 
Just​ ​because​ ​he​ ​believed 
His​ ​love​ ​was​ ​real 
I​ ​was​ ​in​ ​love​ ​with​ ​this​ ​boy 
Who​ ​caught​ ​my​ ​breath 
His​ ​gaze​ ​was​ ​like​ ​a​ ​hypnosis; 
Transfixed​ ​in​ ​the​ ​moment 
Mesmerising​ ​each​ ​other's​ ​emotions​ ​that​ ​flowed​ ​through 
As​ ​we​ ​held​ ​the​ ​connection 
Unknowingly, 
His​ ​chocolate​ ​brown​ ​eyes 
Contained​ ​the​ ​world; 
Looking​ ​at​ ​him​ ​was​ ​like​ ​seeing​ ​your​ ​whole​ ​universe, 
Made​ ​just​ ​for​ ​you​ ​and​ ​him 
Forgetting​ ​a​ ​past​ ​and​ ​future​ ​ever​ ​existed 
And​ ​just​ ​drowning​ ​in​ ​the​ ​presence​ ​of​ ​the​ ​other​ ​being, 
I​ ​thought​ ​was​ ​my​
​Forever 
I​ ​was​ ​in​ ​love​ ​with​ ​this​ ​boy 
Who​ ​caused​ ​me​ ​more​ ​pain 
Than​ ​happiness; 
And​ ​although​ ​it​ ​was his eyes that got me the first time
It​ ​didn't​ ​hurt​ ​any​ ​less​ ​to​ ​see​ ​him 
Tied​ ​up​ ​with​ ​someone​ ​else, 
He​ ​made​ ​me​ ​feel​ ​all​ ​kinds​ ​of​ ​sad 
And​ ​i​ ​had​ ​so​ ​much​ ​of​ ​sadness​ ​that​ ​he​ ​caused; 
It​ ​left​ ​no​ ​room​ ​for​ ​any​ ​other​ ​word​ ​to​ ​even​ ​fit​ ​anywhere, 
I​ ​thought​ ​of​ ​this​ ​boy​ ​almost​ ​everywhere​ ​i​ ​went 
He​ ​was​ ​'It'​ ​for​ ​me​ ​and​ ​he​ ​was 
The​ ​only​ ​one​ ​i​ ​had​ ​made​ ​myself​ ​believe I​ ​needed; 
I​ ​lost​ ​track​ ​of​ ​reality 
I​ ​forgot​ ​my​ ​priorities 
Maybe​ ​that's​ ​why​ ​we​ ​could​ ​never​ ​be​ ​together 
And​ ​apart​ ​of​ ​me​ ​still​ ​loves​ ​this​ ​boy 
This​ ​boy;​ ​who​ ​i​ ​still​ ​care​ ​for​ ​after​ ​everything​ ​we've​ ​been​ ​through 
This​ ​boy;​ ​who​ ​maybe doesn't​ ​deserve​ ​my​ ​love​ ​at​ ​all. 
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