24/09/2018
sometimes i question whether you loved me or not. You wouldn't express your feeling vocally; our relationship wasn't like that. I couldn't ask you (how you felt) directly either, i'm afraid of how that conversation would go.
At a time i knew you were in love with me like i was with you. I could see it in your eyes, i could feel it in my heart. Your eyes would constantly linger on me when maybe you thought i wasn't looking and when our eyes met, they would either not be able to drift away or we would try to look anywhere but at each other. The things you did too; everything just screamed a part of you did love me. But maybe you just didn't want to accept it, or you didn't know what to call it because you had never experienced it before.
Then a time came, where when our eyes met- yours no longer shone the same way they used to. For so long, it seemed right to think you weren't in love with me anymore like i thought i wasn't with you. Our eyes didn't meet as much as they did, i began to see less and less of you as our days became busy, your friends stopped acting weird, my friends stopped talking about you in the way they did, your name kept being brought up by someone else. I wasn't really certain if you were dating her but the way you both acted around each other- i was just a little taken aback. Then i thought, maybe you really weren't in love anymore... but i was okay.
When our days crept closer to the end, i guess we became friends. I don't know how, but you talked to me more and i became more confident to look you in the eye whilst our conversations happened. But i don't know what it was. Behind everything you did, there was something ; the way you looked at me when you laughed, the way you smiled, how close you came to me when you initiated a conversation...
I still haven't been able to pick it up but maybe from the way you always gently brushed past me you were trying to show you hadn't forgotten me. Maybe from the way you- in such a short time became my friend, you were trying to tell me just maybe your feelings hasn't completely gone like i thought they had. Maybe the way you looked at me that prom night when you hugged me, you were allowing me to see that i wasn't wrong when i said you felt the same way for me as i did for you. Maybe in that look you told me you were sorry. Maybe you held on for a few seconds longer so you could remember everything that ever happened between us, till after we were long gone our ways.
Now whilst sitting here, i wonder if you're thinking about me now
YOU ARE READING
When There Was Me And You | Part 1
PoetryYou were my First Love; toxic, unhealthy for my state. But i learned Love from you; you taught me what it meant to spend nights crying at the edge of my bed and how it felt to really smile. ************************* This is a collection of poetry...
