When There Was Me And You | Part 1

i used to write poetry

20/12/2017

I used to write poetry for you all the time

my poetry contained words

I wanted you to read

with fantasied dreams I imagined of us;

them childish scenarios I thought you'd find cute.

some I couldn't even completely make up

from my own head,

they were just alternated lyrics from different songs

that reminded me of you

and then lead me to think about a world

where it was just you and me

encouraging me to write it down,

in hopes you'd 'somehow' find it.

and then when months passed

and my feelings for you

grew deeper than just an everyday crush,

I although didn't stop writing for you

my words became more than just made up scenarios 

from my 'occupied of you' mind

and instead of hoping you'll one day 

accidentally come across my insanity,

I chose to write to you and tell you 

how I really felt. 

do you remember that little note we hid in your book?

the one where I asked if we could talk

through the use of a paper for the first time.

well realistically,

that was the third attempt i'd finally agreed

to stick with in less than five minutes

without thinking the worst and throwing it away instead.

Ironic how that one little note

with no hint of any emotion whatsoever

gave me enough courage 

to spill out my feelings;

the ones you had no idea about 

and the ones that affected me the most.

my little note then became pages

of me giving you pieces of my heart;

of me giving you the power to do whatever you liked with it-

even if it was destruction and you took advantage of that, didn't you?

That's how a year later

the only thing I filled my pages with

wasn't for you,

not even to you

just words about you.

And then almost a year and a half went by

of you being everything for me,

and when I reread my poetry 

of how I was utterly and undeniably in love with you,

I didn't care what anyone said;

I didn't care what anyone assumed

I just believed in us...

I wrote about your perfections,

how we had a soul connection.

I wrote about how you looked at me

and what flowed through me in those promising moments.

I tore up my scenarios and lyrics as papers were filled 

with how you made me feel:

beautiful but not enough, complete but thoroughly broken-

just essays of it instead.

And then when almost 3years went by

I learned to let you go.

I realized I was holding onto someone

who was never mine to start with

and then slowly 

my pages stopped filling with your words...

I mention you now and then 

but as a memory; something that once was.

You're now no longer

the centre of my universe,

the reason for my existence 

of even the occupier of all my dreams and thoughts

Yet, however much I move on

you'll always be the one I loved the most;

the reason I started writing.

In the end

you'll always be the protagonist in my story