Afraid | Nikki Sixx

21.

Nikki's POV

When Carly and I got back from rehearsal, I decided not to go through with what we had been doing previously. I want our first time together to be special and not just the spur of the moment.

Carly walked inside my house and looked around. "Messy," she said. I laughed. "Yeah, I know. I don't like cleaning." I replied, wrapping my arms around her waist. She shrugged off and walked into my kitchen. I furrowed my eyebrows and followed. She got out cleaning supplies from under the sink and a trash bag. "Carly, you don't have to clean. It's my mess, I can do it." I said, she shook her head. "I'm in the mood to clean. You sit down, I got this." She said, smiling and quickly walking past me. She walked into the living room and started to pick up trash off the floor. I shrugged and walked into my room, I should write some more songs. I always have ideas for songs in my head. "Carly Beeeeth," I sang. She looked over at me. "I'm gonna go into my room and write. I'll be in there if you need me." I said. She smiled and nodded. I walked into my room and got out some paper and a pen and began to write.

An hour or two has gone by and I only got some verses and some lyrics that sounded good. Nothing solid. I stretched and walked back out to the living room, I yawned. Rehearsing worn me out today. "Babe, reddy for bed?" I asked. I looked around. The whole living room is spotless, but no sight of Carly. I walked into the kitchen and saw that she was deep cleaning my kitchen. It's already spotless. "Hey, is my house really that filthy?" I laughed. She giggled. "No, just felt like doing it." She said, standing up. "Well, are you ready for bed?" I asked, walking over to her and kissed her head. "I'm not tired, I'm really full of energy right now. You can go without me. I wanna finish cleaning." She said. I looked around. "Clean what? It's already clean," I replied, confused. "I just wanna." She said, breaking away from my grasp and continued cleaning. "Well.. okay." I said, kinda disappointed. I slowly walked into my bedroom and put on some pajamas. I laid down in my bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. It's hard to fall asleep without her arms around me. But, finally I felt sleep engulf me.

I slowly opened up my eyes and stretched. I looked over at the clock on my wall and it read 9:23AM. I grumbled and rolled over to face Carly, only Carly wasn't there. I quickly sat up. Where is she? Did she get up early? I kicked the covers off of myself and got up to walk into the living and saw that Carly was organizing my records. "Did you get up early?" I asked, she looked over. "I guess you could say that. I rested my eyes for about an hour and got up," she explained. "Babe, you need to get some sleep." I said walking up to her and rubbing her back. "I can't, I tried to sleep and I'm just wide awake." She said.

Carly has been basically up for almost 24 hours and she's saying she's wide awake? My first thought was that Carly took drugs, but I know she would never do that, I just know that when you're on blow, that can happen. Wait, Carly suffers with bipolar depression, she's going through a hypomanic episode.

This is why she's being so productive. "Baby, do you have any medicine for your bipolar depression?" I asked. She nodded. "Yeah, they're at home, why?" She asked. "I think you might be going through an episode of hypomania." I replied, she shook her head. "No, I'm fine," she said. She finished putting the records away. "Can I organize your closet? Oh! Actually I might check to see if your pool is clean, I was also looking at your books and you have some interesting ones, I wanted to read some." Carly's speech was so fast, it was hard to understand. I put my arms on her shoulders. "Carly, you need to take a deep breath."

She took a deep breath. "Okay, now I'm gonna go organize your closet-" "Let's just sit in talk?" I suggested. "Nikki, I have too much energy. I need to do something!" She replied, smiling. Then, her smile soon faded off her face. "I am hypomanic right now." She said. "I haven't been keeping up with my medicine." She said. "I can go get it for you?" I suggested. "I wanna come!" She exclaimed, running away form me and grabbing her shoes. She put them on quickly and ran back over and grabbed my keys off the table. "I wanna drive your car." She said, giddily.

I honestly have no idea what to do when someone is like this, mental illness like this doesn't run in my family, none of my friends have stuff like this, this is the first time I've seen someone go through hypomania. I also don't see much bad with it. Besides that fact that she's not getting sleep, she's happy and she's smiling a lot more. With how she's acting, she seems more confident, too. But, I also don't know if I should let her drive. It's not like she's unstable.

"Okay, can I at least put on a shirt and some actual clothes?" I laughed, she put the keys in the back pocket and ran her hands up my chest and rested them on my shoulders, "but I love when you're shirtless." She smiled. I smirked. "Oh, you do?" I asked. She stood up on her tippy toes and kissed my lips, lingering there for a while before leaning back, just centimeters from my face. "Yes, I do." She whispered. I was flustered, Carly is never this bold. I cleared my throat a little. "O-Okay, let's go." I said, now being the one that's stuttering.

We drove to her house, she looked so cute driving in my car. I couldn't stop staring at her. We arrived at her house and she quickly walked up the steps and got her keys out and opened the door. I followed behind her. "Whenever I'm like this," Carly started, grabbing her medicine off the table. "I just have so much energy, I feel like I just need to get it out." She said taking one of her pills and dry swallowing it.

"I don't really know what you're going through, personally. But, I understand what you mean with the energy." I said. She smiled and walked over to hug me, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. "What's this for?" I asked, hugging her back. "Just for being so understanding and patient." She replied. I felt her kiss my chest and lean back. "I'm lucky I found you." She said, looking up at me. "Not as lucky as I am to have found you."

(a/n: thank you so much for reading. please vote if you enjoyed, feedback is always welcome. okay bye👻)