Afraid | Nikki Sixx

46.

Carly's POV

Months had gone by and their album, "Girls Girls Girls" is now out. In my opinion, it's their best album yet. I love listening to it and I never grow tired of the songs.

"BABE!" I heard Nikki scream from the other room. I jumped a little and laughed. "WHAT?!" I screamed back. "THE VIDEO IS GOING TO COME OUT SOON, GET YOUR SEXY ASS IN HERE!" He screamed. I laughed and grabbed my can of Pringles and my cup of Jack Daniels and walked back into the living room where all the boys are at. I sat down next to Nikki and put my cup on the table and opened my can of Pringles. "Are you excited to see yourself in one of our videos?" Nikki asked. My eyes went wide and I looked at Vince.

"You told me that I wouldn't make it to the final cut!" I exclaimed. Vince laughed. "Well, yeah. That's the only way you were gonna do it." He replied. "You look amazing, Carls." Tommy chimed in. I whined a little. "Nikki!" I whined. He laughed. "Hey, it's not my fault that you're so good at pole dancing." He just said. I fell back on the couch and sighed. "You look amazing!" Nikki tried to comfort me.

"Guys, it's coming on, shut up!" Mick said. I looked at the TV and the boys appeared on their motorcycles, getting off and walking into the strip club and sitting down at the table after Tommy threw his switchblade knife on it. I started to bite my nails as I was waiting for my face to appear on the TV. The first girl strutted out and started to dance and it showed the boys smiling and Vince singing along to the chorus.

A little more time went on and then I saw me walking out and getting on the pole. I studied everything I did and how I looked. All the other girls are skinnier than I am, I looked at my arms and thighs when it came back to me and you can see my scars clearly, my heart rate started to pick up. I can't believe I didn't think about that.

The video ended and the boys stared to talk about how great it was. "See, wasn't that great, Carly Beth?" Nikki asked. I looked over and forced a smile. "Yeah, you guys were right. I was worried for nothing." I said. "Told you." Vince said, laughing. I faked a laugh and put the Pringle's in my hand on the table and excused myself to use the bathroom.

I walked in and shut the door and locked it quickly. I took my shirt off and my pants off so I was just in my undergarments. I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. I made a look of disgust, I can't believe I did that video looking like this. I pinched my body in places I hated, which ultimately meant my whole body. My stomach and thighs are huge. My breasts are too small.

I don't really care about my breasts right now, I need to lose all of this weight. I can't believe Nikki has seen me like this. I look horrible, I felt tears run down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away and fixed my makeup. I put my clothes back on and flushed the toilet so they're not suspicious of me being in the bathroom. I turned on the faucet and looked at myself again. Even fully dressed, my body looks like crap.

I turned the faucet off and walked back out. Nikki saw me and smiled. I forced a smile and walked over to him and sat next to him, he wrapped his arms around me. "What did I miss?" I asked. "Nothing really, we're just talking about what we're gonna do tonight." He said. "Any ideas?" He asked me. I shrugged. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care what we do." I said.

"Ew." Vince said. I laughed a little. "Let's hit the town. Let's go down to the sunset strip and hit all the clubs and bars like we used to." He said. "I like that idea, let's do it!" Tommy said, standing up. "I'll bring Pamela along, too." He said. "I haven't met her yet, I'd love to." I said. Tommy smiled. "The feeling's mutual." He said.

We all got up and I quickly downed the rest of my Jack Daniels and went into the bedroom to get ready. Nikki trailed behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Wear something sexy." He said, kissing my neck. I felt goosebumps appear on my skin. "Well, what did you have in mind?" I asked, turning and facing him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Hmmm," he hummed, causing me to smile a little. "Something with fishnets." He said. "I don't think I have any right now." I lied. I don't want to wear them right now, but that's usually what I always wear when we go out so I know if I say that, he'll think something's up. He knows me too well.

"I thought I saw some." He said, walking over to the closet and opening it. "See! Found some!" He cheered, pulling them out. "Oh, yay!" I said, faking my enthusiasm. He tossed them over to me. "I'll pick something out for you." He said, rummaging through the closet. "I just organized that again! Don't mess it all up!" I whined as I saw stuff falling off the hangers. He tossed light blue shorts out and a tight black tank top. "I'm not just wearing that! I'll look like a hooker!" I said, laughing. "Fiiine." He said and turned back to the closet, messing more stuff up. He threw out a red faded flannel. "That better?" He asked. "Yes, now shoo and let me dress." I said, waving my hands at him. "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before, I wanna watch." He smirked.

I felt my mouth get dry. "Okay." I said, forcing a smile. I undressed and quickly got dressed, fumbling with my clothes with how fast I was trying to get dressed. I kept trying to reassure myself that this will be the last time that Nikki will see me looking this disgusting.

(a/n: thank you so much for reading. i hope you enjoyed. please vote, it's greatly appreciated. feedback is always welcome. okay bye👻)