Love of my life

Track # 06

Slowly

Callista's

"Why, Aeneas. What is it?"

He looked at me. In fairness to him, he looked so surprised. Nagpabalik – balik ang tingin niya sa akin at sa direksyong tinakbuhan ni Biboy. Ulit – ulit niya iyong ginawa hanggang sa ipinilig niya ang kanyang ulo at napabuntong – hininga.

"I didn't come here to talk." He said. "Pascal told me that he needed to ask you about something. Apparently, he doesn't like your cousin, so he asked if I could come with him here. Wala akong kinalaman dito." Malumanay na paliwanag niya. I don't know if I'll believe him, but his reaction is enough to make me realize that he really has no idea what is happening, and then I remembered Ate Molly. I sighed and decided, of course, with the help of the wine – I'm so tipsy na – that I will talk to him and get that fucking closure I had always wanted...

But do I really want it?

"We should really talk." I said.

"Really? I mean, what about?"

"Us." I felt weird saying that word.

"You know, what happened before. I never got even." Biro ko. He looked as if he was seeing an apparition.

"You burned my house. You trashed my car."

"Ohhh shut up, it's in the past already. I just want to hear you apologize to me. You never did that."

"Why would I do that? You almost killed me."

"The pain you caused me, almost killed me." Mariing wika ko kay Aeneas. He was taken aback.

"Right... I'm sorry."

"Up until now, I believe that you never meant that."

"How could I, if I don't know exactly what happened?"

"You slept with Circe!" I hissed at him. "Biboy told me that you and her have an affair. I didn't believe it at first. I mean, you were so sweet, and I really felt that you loved me and then that happened. The worst thing is that everyone tried to cover up for you, na para bang ayos lang sa lahat na maging tanga ako sa'yo. Is it because my Uncle owns the tv station, or because of the American tour promised to you band? Or is it because I can give you money, Aeneas? I needed someone to be on my side before, no one ever came to my aid. Mabuti nga at nakaramdam ng guilt si Biboy, thanks to him, I found out everything. You killed me, Aeneas, you killed my heart. You're a murderer and this talk is over because I can't stand you."

I walked away from him. Hindi naman niya ako pinigilan at kung sakaling tatawagin niya ako, hindi rin naman ako lilingon. Ayoko siyang kausapin. Hindi pa rin pala ako handa. Tuwing nakikita ko si Aenead, naiisip ko kung ano kayang naging hitsura sana ng baby naming dalawa. I named her Penelope Aenead. Ang ganda ng pangalan niya, kasing ganda niya.

She had tiny hands and fingers. She has rosy cheeks. When I saw her, I thought that I had seen the most beautiful thing in this world and her cry is the most beautiful music that I have ever heard. It's just too bad she only lived for a while. I'm sure everyone would love her – kahit siguro galit si Daddy sa akin noon sa katigasan ng ulo ko, mapapatawad niya ako once na makiya niya ang apo niya. But he never found out. Bago pa kasi lumaki ang tyan ko ay umalis ako sa bahay. I went off the grid. Nagtago ako sa isang probinsya. I was with my childhood nanny. She was the one who helped me through those times.

Ang plano ko noon, uuwi lang ako kapag okay na ang baby ko pero hindi ko siya nauwi. It's just too sad.

I didn't cry. Ayoko. Tapos na ang pagluha sa mga panahong nasayang. Tapos na akong masaktan. I am a phoenix. I got burned, I died, and I rose again. I am not the fool girl he once played with. Nagtanda na ako. I got burned so hard, I almost died.