Guilt, trust, love

COMING BACK

The next morning when Raman woke up, he was gloomy and sad. His attempt at bringing Ishita back in his house and his life was futile. On the other hand, even Ishita was very sad. She was cursing Raman for doing all the wrong things in the world. Although she tried hard to be unfazed, she couldn't really ignore Shagun's presence in Bhalla house.

In the evening, the kids were back home from their school and even Raman was home. The door bell rang and Neelu opened the door. The whole Bhalla family was shocked, surprised, perplexed to see who it was, right at their doorstep. It was Ishita with her suitcase. Raman almost ran to her. Ruhi and Adi hugged her.

Ru & A: Ishima, welcome home!

I: Thank you my kids!

Ru: Ishima, aapne apna promise rakha aur aap aa gaye ghar. I am so happy.
(You fulfilled your promise of coming home.)

I: Main kaise nahi aati! I had told you na that Ishima was ill. Aur jab aap bimaar hote ho, to aap ko Ishima chahiye hoti hain na, waise hi main apne Amma ke ghar gayi thi.
(How could I not come! Actually I had to stay with my mom as I was ill for the past few days.)

A: Lekin ab aap kahin nahi jaoge. Hum aap ka poora khayal rakhenge.
(But now onwards, you are not going anywhere. We will take good care of you.)

Ru: Haan Ishima, chalo, hum aapka wardrobe set karte hain.

The kids and Ishita headed to Ishra bedroom with her luggage. Raman was very happy with the recent happenings.

After some time, when the kids left to play outside, Raman went to his bedroom. Ishita was arranging her clothes in the cupboard. Raman couldn't contain his happiness and turned her around and hugged her tightly. Though Ishita was taken aback, she quickly regained her composure, broke the hug.

I: Kya kar rahe ho Raman, koi aa jayega.
(Leave me Raman. If anyone comes in, it will be awkward.)

R: Are to kya hua Madrasan? Aaj kitne dino baad hum aise ek saath hain.
(So what, you are my wife after all.)

(Ishita closes the door and bolts it.)

I: Raman, na main yahan aapki biwi banane aayi hoon, aur na hi yeh sab karne.
(I am not here to claim you as my husband.)

R:(confused) Matlab?
(What do you mean?)

I: Main yahan sirf aur sirf Adi-Ruhi ki maa bankar aayi hoon. Aaj Ruhi ke school teacher ka call aaya tha. Last week uski koi class test thi jisme use bohot kam marks mile hain. Teacher ke mutabik uska school mein dhyaan hi nahi hota aaj kal. Aap ko pata hain woh kal bhi school se kisi ko bina bataye mandir chali gayi thi. So, I thought the only way to calm her down is to come and stay here, as a family member, at least for the kids.
(Actually, I am here only for Ruhi-Adi. Today, Ruhi's school teacher called me to inform that she had scored pathetic marks in her class test. Knowing her growing concerns about our relationship, I thought staying here, with you, as a family, was the only option.)

R: What do you mean by 'at least for the kids'? Kya hum humara rishte ko ek aur mauka nahi denge?
(Won't we give our relationship a second chance?)

I: As of now, NO Raman. And please, let's not even talk about it. Iss baar, hum strictly, sirf bachhon ke liye rakhte hain humara rishta. Pichhli baar, hum 'sirf Ruhi ke liye' se phisal kar 'hum' par aa gaye toh...
(NO Raman, this time we will strictly restrict it to kids only. )

R: Toh...

(Eyelock)

I: Toh sab kharab ho gaya.

R: Tum humare pyaar ko kharab maanti ho?

I: (stammers) woh...woh...

R: Bolo na Ishita, do you regret our relationship? Do you feel bad about loving me?

I: (wiping her tears) Let's not talk about it.

R: No, we have to. I want to. Aise aasoon bahakar kya hoga Ishita? Hum dono jaante hain how much we love each other. Humara pyaar hum mehsoos kar paate hain. Toh kya hum ek aur chance nahi de sakte?
(Ishita, crying won't help. We both are aware about how much we love each other. And I honestly feel our love deserves one more chance.)

I: Raman, sach kahoon toh main thak gayi hoon. Nahi hota ab bharosa. Avishwas aap se nahi hain. Haan, aap ne jo kiya, uske liye main aap ko kabhi maaf nahi karungi. Lekin ab apni takdeer par se hi bharosa uth chuka hain. I am not destined to be loved. I am bound to be alone Raman. Aur kismat se ladne ki aur takat nahi hain mujhme. Please yeh mere paas aane ki koshishe band kijiye. Aap apni zindagi jilo, aur main apni. Please...
(Honestly speaking, I don't trust my destiny anymore. It's true that I will never be able to forgive you for what you have done to me. But the truth still remains that I am not destined to be loved. I am bound to be alone Raman. So stop making attempts at reconciliation.)

She was crying by then. Although Raman wanted to hug her to his heart, wipe her tears and console her, she asked to be left alone for some time. Without an option, Raman dejectedly went out of the room unable to see his wife in so much sorrow. His worst pain was with the realisation that it was him who had pushed her into that pain and hopelessness.