From the Razor to the Rosary (Completed)

Chapter Four - Teenagers.

  "You sure you want to go in?" Helena frets, her hands wringing the steering wheel. We're sat outside school in the car, its Monday morning and the place is packed, probably with people who have not only been told of Gerard's death, but also of my drama at his funeral. I am going to fucking die.  

  "It has to be done some time" I shrug, but my heartbeat is uneven.  

  "Call me straight away if you want to come home" Helena tells me, I nod, try to smile at her and push out of the car.  

  I walk quickly without trying to be too obvious, but people spot me immediately, I mean, I'm not exactly hard to miss with my black hair, overly large leather jacket, black jeans and bright pink  Dr Martens. I stick out like a sore thumb, maybe I should have dressed more subtly, but then I don't really own 'subtle' clothes.  

  People look at me, tap their friends on the shoulder and turn to whisper to them, the bustle of the school suddenly becomes quiet as I hurry past everyone.  

  "He hung himself" I hear a girl hiss at the steps as I'm passing, I turn a glare on her that sends her bright red.  

  "Apparently she was screaming in the street" a boy mutters to a friend, both then turn to stare at me. I push through the doors of the school, but its not much better in there.

  People, even teachers, look at me as I hurry past, after a few minutes I'm practically having a panic attack, I didn't exactly put any effort into myself today, I've got on none of my usual makeup, my hair is lank and messy, I only brushed it today, and I know I have dark circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, and even now my clothes feel roomier than they did two weeks ago.

  I've never liked attention, I'm not used to it, I'm not one of those girls who enjoys getting stared at, I'd rather be in the background, but today no one will allow me to blend in, its like a really harsh spotlight has been trained onto my face.  

  I hurry to my locker and yank it open, I try to keep my eyes trained on the inside of the metal container, but I can't help but notice that a group of younger girls are pausing at their own lockers, but staring as they do, when I glare at them they turn their noses up at me and strut away. Well, they are future bitches.  

  "Uh, Hadley?" comes a voice from behind me, I practically jump ten feet, spinning around to see a girl in my year stood awkwardly scraping her feet along the floor. I can't remember her name. I raise a black eyebrow at her.  

  "Uh," she stutters, running a hand through her reddish hair "I just wanted to say I'm real sorry about your friend" she says quickly, I frown at her, she seems uneasy, and I realise its probably because I'm staring at her like a freak. 

  "Oh, uh, thanks" I mumble, she gives me an encouraging smile and walks away quickly, I turn back to take a book out of my locker and when I'm done I hurry away again, Jesus Christ, I'm surprised people aren't actually taking pictures of me. I've always hated people speaking behind my back, now I find myself wishing they would, all I can hear is little whispers from people as they spot me, it's driving me insane. 

  I skid to a stop as I practically tumble into homeroom, the teacher looks up in surprise, I'm the first one here. Her whole face drops when she sees me, which is something I've never even whitnessed, she's probably one of the happiest people in the world, almost to a point where she's too happy. But right now she's looking at me like she's just saw a baby get trampled to death or something as equally distressing. 

  She walks right up to me and throws her arms around my shoulders. I'm so shocked I don't even react, just stand still and let her wring me out like a wash cloth. I spit out a lock of her ginger hair as it's shoved down my throat. When she pulls away, she smiles at me, not a cheerful smile, or an encouraging smile, it's a look a lot of people have been giving me lately.