It takes me a few seconds to realise why there's an unexplained weight on top of me, and then feeling rushes back into my body, and I feel a mess of hair beneath my fingers, and naked skin against mine. Last night crashes back to me all at once, oh my god.
I'm lying in Frank's bed. It's morning. We're naked. Yeah, we did it last night. Holy shit I'm not a virgin. Oh my god, oh my god.
I try to calm my breathing, I don't want to wake Frank by having a panic attack. Okay, okay just calm. It's no big deal. Well of course it's a big deal, I lost my virginity to Frank!
Well, technically not true, I gave my virginity to him, and I smiled while I was doing it. I don't know why I'm freaking out, I wanted to do it, I really did, he gave me plenty of opportunities to pass up the situation, he said we didn't have to do it last night, we could wait he said. But I didn't want to, I honestly didn't want to.
I calm after I remember this. I lay peacefully, smiling softly as I feel Frank's heartbeat against my chest, he's almost as good as a quilt, but there's one of those over him too, so I'm seriously warm right now. Frank's right hand is wrapped around my left one, his other arm under my waist. He is going to have such a dead arm.
I don't know how much longer he sleeps for, I don't mind anyway, it's toasty warm under here and super comfy anyway. But a while later he shifts, obviously forgetting he's on top of me, his arm around my waist constricts, but even so it doesn't become uncomfortable, his hand flexes around mine, and a second later his head shifts, his forehead presses against my chest.
He pulls back, and I'm momentarily shocked by how cute he looks when he's just woken up, every strand of his hair sticks in a different direction, his eyes are wide and surprised, and a pink blush creeps up his cheeks.
"Holy shit" he mumbles when his eyes meet mine. He's silent for another couple of seconds, in which time he lets go of my hand to run it through his unruly hair "We had sex" he says. Wow, blunt and to the point I guess.
"Yeah..." I trail off, awkward.
"You're the first girl I've ever slept with" he frowns like a lost boy.
"Bullshit" I chuckle, suddenly feeling apprehensive, is Frank suddenly uninterested?
"No, no" he says quickly, "I mean, you're the first girl I've ever you know, slept with, like next to, in a bed" he smiles suddenly.
"You mean on top of" I smirk, he chuckles and dips his head to run his nose over my cheek.
"Yeah, that" he snickers, he presses his lips to my jaw "I think you broke Helena's rule" he laughs softly, I laugh with him this time, remembering her rule about no sex.
"I think her rule was technically, no sex in the house" I grin at him.
"Well," he sighs, wrapping both his arms around my waist tightly "I think we're going to have to break that rule" he whispers, I laugh, but it's quickly choked off as his lips press to mine firmly.
"How are you feeling?" he asks as he pulls away, worry creases his brow. I think about it for a second, except from a dull ache between my legs, I'm not feeling too bad.
"A little sore, but good" I shrug truthfully, smiling faintly. He frowns, and I roll my eyes when guilt clouds his expression, I give him a kiss quickly.
"No breaking that rule for a while then" he nods certainly. I roll my eyes again but he just laughs softly, kissing my forehead as he does.
He slides off of my body, moving so he's not strewn over me but stretched out next to me instead, he tugs on my wrist until I move with a smile to rest my head on his shoulder, his arm falls across my back.
We stay like that for a while, lapsing into a comfortable silence. I wonder what he's thinking. Does he regret last night? Oh god, why am I so paranoid? If he regretted what we did then he'd have probably bolted out of the door by now. I need to start trusting people more, well, maybe not people, but I need to start trusting Frank, hasn't he done enough to prove his trust?
"So, er..." Frank trails off awkwardly a few minutes later.
"What?" I ask, straining my neck so I can see his face.
"How was it? Last night, I mean" he shrugs like it's no big deal, but anxiousness lurks into his hazel eyes. Warmth spreads through my cheeks, and he gives a laugh "You look extremely cute when you blush" he mutters, running a fingertip down the heated skin of my cheek. I shake it off with a scowl, he just laughs at me.
"It was... interesting" I tell him, pathetic I know. He raises an eyebrow "It felt er... you know" I shrug, uncomfortable, his arms constrict around me.
"No, I don't know" he whispers in my ear, I shudder as his hot breath dances across my skin.
"It was uncomfortable at first" I tell him hesitantly, guilt floods his features "But it felt um, good... afterwards" I tell him quickly, burying my face in his chest so I don't have to meet his eyes. He gives a gleeful laugh, his hand on the back of my head and stroking at the strands of my hair.
"It was good for me too" he tells me softly, running his fingers through my matted hair, I lift my face from his skin long enough to raise an eyebrow at him "Well, it was more than good" he says slowly. as I hastily lay my cheek against his chest again, his tone takes on an almost dreamy, lost edge, and I feel myself smirking "It was... pretty fucking amazing to be honest" his chest rumbles as he chuckles, but the sound is shaken slightly.
"I really didn't know what I was doing" I mumble self-consciously, he gives my waist a squeeze.
"Well, if you were that good without knowing what to do, then I fear for my sanity" I can practically hear the smile in his voice. I cant help grinning, he's probably just trying to be nice, but then Frank doesn't really do nice and comforting, so you know.
"Well, don't you two look cosy" both of us jump out of our skins.
When I look to the door of the room, I expect to see Mikey, maybe even Nick. The new voice is definitely a male's, and I'm getting ready to shout at that person when I realise just who it is.
It's Gerard. And he's been crying. He stares at me like I've comitted the worst crime on the face of the planet. Guilt floods my chest as I stare at him.
But then I realise, both Frank and I jumped when Gerard spoke. I look at Frank, my eyes wide as I realise he must have heard Gerard too. I pray that maybe it was just me jumping, and he jumped because of me. But when I meet his eyes, I see the same shock there, the same shock that I can feel written over my face.
"You can see him?" we ask at the same time. My eyes widen, Frank's mouth drops open. But a cold smile twists Gerard's lips.
YOU ARE READING
From the Razor to the Rosary (Completed)
Fanfiction*Previously named We're Not Okay (I Promise)* Hadley had never had a great life. She got bullied, her home life wasn't exactly steady and she didn't have many friends, but all that was okay, because she had her best friend right there with her, Gera...
