From the Razor to the Rosary (Completed)

Chapter Seventeen - Sleep.

  I try not to stare at Frank as he sleeps, it feels like I’m invading his privacy and looking in on something I shouldn’t be. So I keep my eyes trained determinedly on the TV screen, but Frank seems to be intentionally trying to make it difficult for me, he keeps moving restlessly on my shoulder, his hand moving in my own constantly. With a sigh, I turn my gaze on him, tired of trying. I hate to admit it, but I almost like what I see. 

  He looks peaceful now. During the day, he relies on this mask of sarcasm and witty comments, but now the mask has dropped, and his face is neutral, he looks younger even, more open and innocent. And, I hate to admit this too, he even looks a little more handsome. 

  “You look cosy” I jerk in shock when a familiar voice echoes from a space that a moment before had been empty. 

  I whip my head around to the side, staring as Gerard shoves his hands into his black jean pockets almost angrily. There’s something in his eyes that I don't recognize, it's not a look I’ve seen often, and I really don’t like it, his hazel eyes are hard and cold, and he has a bitter shape to his mouth. 

  I hardly notice these things though, I note them and store them away to think about later on, but honestly, I’m so happy to see him, I never even knew how much I wanted to see him until he’s standing right before me. 

  “Gerard!” I gasp, I squeeze out from under Frank and untangle my fingers from his, after he’s been safely lowered to the couch, I throw myself at Gerard. 

  The force of my chest hitting his makes him stumble backwards, but he soon catches himself and holds the both of us up, but I don’t notice that either, I wrestle him into a tight hug, my arms wrapped securely around his waist and locked behind his back, I press my face into his chest, breathing in his scent deeply.

  There’s a moments hesitation, but soon Gerard has wrapped his arms around my shoulders and locked me into place. A moment later, I smile as Gerard pushes a hand into my hair, stroking the strands gently, that’s how he used to calm me down, stroking my hair like that. I didn’t know how much I really missed that.

  “What’s this for?” Gerard murmurs against the top of my head as he presses his face into my hair. 

  “I’m sorry” I choke out, fighting for control as tears threaten to well. 

  “For what?” he asks softly, his fingers trailing down the nape of my neck softly, it makes me shudder, but I don’t tell him to stop it. 

  “For being a bitch” I tell him earnestly, my arms tightening around his familiar frame “I should have been happy that you came back, instead I blamed you and pushed you away. I was an idiot” I finish miserably, squeezing my eyes tight. 

  “You were hurt” I feel him shrug around me, “I was the one who hurt you, and I’m sorry” there’s a hopeful hint to his voice, and I give his body a squeeze in a way of silently telling him I forgive him. 

  “I’m sorry for that too” I look up to see him jerk his chin towards Frank, still slumbering “I should have told you we were friends” he has the decency to look ashamed. I smile at him easily. 

  “Don’t worry about it” I shrug casually.

  “He was a good friend, Had” Gerard tells me certainly, looking down at me without letting go, he meets my eyes so I know he’s not lying. “Even when his friends were being mean, yeah he never told them to stop, but it was never him who was actually doing the bullying.” Gerard gives me a reassuring smile, and I nod thoughtfully, moving my hand to pick at the shirt covering his chest, keeping my other arm around his waist.