Bad Boys ~ Gerard Way x Reader

{Twenty Six} ~ Mistakes

Trigger Warning: Suicide Attempt.

Friday night rolled along and I still refused to talk to Gerard. I made Tyler go get his things from the hotel and stay in our guest room. When he went to do that I sat alone in my room, dodging text messaged left and right. But they weren't from Gerard. Some were from Ray, and few from Frank, and a lot from Mikey. Apparently Gerard wouldn't talk to them about what happened, but it was evident some shit when down.

I didn't want to text any of them back mostly because I don't want any involvement with Gerard, even if these guys are my friends. When Tyler cake back, he saw my struggle to not answer my phone so he took it and put it in his bag. "You shouldn't have to deal with this." He shook his head.

"I know, it's just hard Ty."

"Will you tell me what happened? Please? It's not fun watching your best friend suffer and know that you can't help since you don't know what happened." Tyler begged. I hadn't wanted to talk about it to him because I don't want him to think that it's his fault.

"Don't get upset if I tell you, okay?" I made him promise, Tyler crossed his heart. "Gerard was getting all pissy because you knew where the house key was and he thought you'd break in or something. I accused him of being jealous and then things got heated, that's when you stepped in." I explained.

Tyler looked confused as I told him the chain of event, but then sighed when I wrapped up. "What a fucking asshole. Does he really think I'd do that to you?"

"It's Gerard. He's over protective." I shook my head. Tyler huffed and was about to open his mouth until the roar of an engine cut him off. Pulling back my curtain, I saw Gerard and Mikey roll out of their garage with their bikes. They must be going to the bar.

Gerard sped off down the road instantly, but Mikey looked up through my window to make eye contact with me. He gave me a sad look before starting off down the road. I pulled the curtain back over my window and flopped onto my bed, trying my hardest not to cry.

My boyfriend probably hates me now, my friends are worried about us and my best friend is struggling to make me feel better. All of this is my fault, I'm just a waste of life. "I should just stop being a problem and die." I mumbled to myself.

"What was that Bug?" Tyler asked, unclear of what I said.

"N-Nothing, nothing." I tried to calm my racing heart. God, Tyler would flip if he had heard what I said.

But.. maybe it isn't such a bad idea. My grandparents would have the burden of me on their shoulders. They could retire somewhere nice, live out the rest of their lives happily. Wouldn't have to support a teenager.

The boys wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. They could have their old, tough, hardhearted Gerard back. Gerard would be all theirs again. They wouldn't have to sacrifice their ringleader to me anymore.

Tyler wouldn't have to work so hard to keep me happy. My happiness has always been a concern of his. He could focus more on his school work and his music that he's always so passionate about when he talks about it. He could get closer to Josh and not have to worry about me feeling replaced. He could he happier.

And Gerard... Gerard could find someone that doesn't always need reassurance. He could find a girl that's willing to go to the next step and get in bed with him. He wouldn't have to baby me anymore, and wouldn't have the stress of upsetting me on his shoulders. Gerard could go back to his full on bad boy life style.

The more I think about it, the better and better of an idea it becomes. Just think.... everybody would be so much happier without me around. I'm sure the boys had a better life before me, and I'm sure the same would have been for my grandparents. God, why haven't I thought of this before?!

"Y/n, is everything okay? You're really spaced out." Tyler waved a hand in front of my face. I snapped out of it and looked Tyler in the eyes,

"Y-Yeah, everything's fine." I told him, nodding slightly. Tyler didn't seem to fully buy it, but figured it best to not to ask. I knew I couldn't do it with Tyler staying here. He wouldn't leave me alone long enough to do it. I just hope I don't talk myself out of it in the time being. "Hey Ty?"

Tyler looked up at me from his phone, "Yeah Bug?"

"When do you have to go back?"

Tyler sighed, "Josh said that the flood damage was repaired and that we have school again on Monday, so I'll have to leave late Sunday."

I looked down, "Oh, okay."

"I wish I could stay longer y/n, I really do. I hate leaving you here like this." Tyler patted my leg and wore a frown.

"I'm sure things will work their way out. It'll be okay." I told him hopefully. In a way, things will work their way out. I just need to be alone for those things to happen.

"Are you sure you're okay y/n? Your voice sounds empty, so do your eyes." Tyler studied me cautiously. Like I had said before, Tyler is really good at picking up on audio cues from over the phone friendships.

Not wanting him to pick up on anything, I tried my best to sound full of life and energy, "I'm fine Tyjo, promise." I forced a smile. He still seemed off put, maybe I tried to sell it too hard?

"If you say so." He rubbed my leg.

~^~^~^~

Sunday night rolled along unfortunately. Tyler had to go back to Ohio so he could go to school tomorrow. "I'm so sorry I have to go y/n." Tyler pulled me into a tight hug.

I wrapped my arms back around him, "It's okay Ty."

"I promise I'll see you soon." He rubbed my back.

"Don't make a promise you can't keep." I muttered.

"Huh?" Tyler asked, not picking up on everything I had said. I shook my head,

"Nothing."

Tyler sighed and let go of me, "Let me know how things go with the prick."

I chuckled slightly, "Will do Tyjo."

"See you soon Bug." Tyler gave me one last hug before getting in his rental car.

"See ya Tyler." I wore a sad smile as I watched my best friend drive away. It took me a minute to realize that this is the last time I might ever see him. The thought made me even sadder.

I went upstairs, feeling too sad to even have second thoughts on what I was about to do. My grandparents aren't home, their out at a casino. Gerard and Mikey are at home, but I don't expect them to care.

Searching through the medicine cabinet, I found a bottle of xanax. Perfect, right? Maybe I could wash it down with some liquor, make the end result kick in sooner. I mean hey, if I'm gonna go out, why not make it good?

I sat on the floor in front of my bed and leaned against it. On my way into my room, I had grabbed a blade just in case I felt I needed it. I was scared shitless, but the adrenaline kept me going. I want this. I want this. I want this. Everybody else wants this. No one wants me.

"On the count of three." I whispered to myself. "One." I unscrewed the lid to the pills, "Two." I grabbed a handful and flicked open the bottle of Vodka I grabbed from the kitchen. "Three." I breathed. I shoved the pills into my mouth and washed the down with a large swig of vodka.

I knew the effects wouldn't be immediate, so I tried to distract myself. As I started thinking, I began getting scared. This was a mistake. Shit, shit, shit SHIT!

Shakily, I grabbed my phone and dialed the only number I had memorized.

The first ring, no one answered. Fuck Fuck Fuck.

The second ring, it went straight to voicemail. Please Gerard, please answer me.

I texted him asking him to answer, but there was still no reply.

As a last resort I texted Mikey a one word message.

Help.