Conflate

Chapter 18

(Unedited)

Sadiya's POV

I might look alive but am dead inside. My eyes tell more than words could ever say, but i chose to move on, let go and forgive. I chose to be the stronger one even though my heart is fragile.

I busied myself reading for my final exams. When Ummi came into the room i closed down the book i was revising.

Sitting down beside me, she said; "And guess who is graduating in the next few months?" She looks happy. "Me of course" I replied with the same happy tone

"So when am i meeting my in law?" She asked raising her left eyebrow. I've always tried raising one of my eyebrows but unfortunately i always end up raising both.

If only we were together, this might be the perfect time. I thought

Ummi kept her hands on mine "you will clock twenty in the next few months so i think this is the time" she adjusted her sitting position "get married, complete half your deen, get married now and you will get to grow up with your kids, the earlier the better" she said patting my back lovingly.

And i hugged her, that night I cried because my life is so messed up. I cried for my parents, i cried out all the pain. Would i love someone the way I've loved Abdullah? Would i be able to fall in love again? That night i cried on Ummi's shoulder.

"You okay?" She asked "yes, thank you Ummi for everything you've done to me. You are everything i could ever ask for" she covered me with the soft grey duvet "Anything for my daughter" and she left.

~•~
Abdullah's POV

I walked down the street of lagos, listening to my new favorite song. All the time by Tatiana Manaois

If this was a love song and i told you to be with me until we grow old. Would you? Would you wait? Could you stay? Could i have your hand to hold?

But I don't have a love song and I'm sorry, i wish I didn't have to be far. We grew apart am stuck in the dark, ohhh when you left you took the stars.

I know I didn't treat you, treat you right but i need you to be mine.

I forwarded the song to my favorite line.

Baby give me one more chance to be the one to hold your hands, maybe we could learn to love again (yeah, yeah)

Right into my apartment, i took a hot shower and slipped into my favorite jilbab, army green. Sitting down on the only couch in the room, i kept staring at my phone that was ringing.

"Abdullah, how have you been?" Yahaya asked from the other end.

I'm not fine, I'm broken and depressed and my life is a mess. You don't want to know what your bro has turned to.

"I'm fine Alhamdulillah! How's everyone?" I sighed remembering how i left without a goodbye

"Alhamdulillah! When are you coming back?" He asked as if wanting to tell me something

"Soon In shaa Allah" I hesitated before asking the next question "so have you taken the next step?" He cleared his throat "No i want to inform Ummi first but I don't know how to" it's been nine months and still you didn't do anything.

I quickly dismissed the feeling of jealousy "i might help but lemme come back first, everything will be alright" i assured him. How i wish somebody will assure me too, that everything will be alright. When i hung up the call, i laid on my stomach thinking about all the possible ways to make this happen.

Three months later when I collected my NYSC certificate I felt relieved yet suffocated. A week later i set my foot into the center of commerce. As I walked towards our house I thought about all the happy moments we shared. No doubt but i miss her. The last thought i had in my mind before knocking on the door was how to make things possible.

I sacrificed my love for my brother's happiness.

A minute later the door got opened reveling Ummi's happy face, and at that moment being a twenty two year old man didn't matter i hugged her.

       She ruffled my soft hair "are you sure you've been eating well? Just look at you" she said dragging me to the dining area and I couldn't imagine myself eating all these food.

    Devouring on the sinasir "Oh Ya Ummi, Ya habibty, Ya omri, Ya nooril ayn, come closer.....bring your right cheek......Muaaahhh. By Allah this food is so delicious" Ummi's laughter erupted in the room and Yahaya came in "Are you sure I shouldn't get a pillow right now" Yahaya said dragging a chair to sit.

     "No, no need. I miss Ummi's food, that's just it. So chill" And Ummi smiled at both of us.

     "Where is Sadiya?" Yahaya blurted. "She's up there studying for her last paper which is tomorrow" Ummi replied scrolling through her messages.

    "So...." Yahaya started and I quickly cut him off before he spoils everything. "So Ummi what do you think about your princes taking you out on a date tomorrow" I signaled to Yahaya to tag along.

     "Woah! What a great idea. Maama and her boys going on a date. Btw it should be after Sadiya's paper" she said happily.

    "No Ummi, i clearly said 'princes taking Queen on a date not Princes taking Queen and princess on a date"

     "And we will surely take princess out too during the weekends. Beside she might be tired after her exams" Yahaya quickly added. After much persuasion we finally convinced Ummi and we gladly left to the masjid to pray Asr.

Dressed up in a coffee brown long sleeve shirt and chinos trouser whilst Yahaya was decked up in a royal blue kaftan and Ummi was clad up in an arabian gown. We made our way into the restaurant and ordered.

    We munched on our food quietly before I decided to break the silence. "Ummi, your son finally got a wife" And Ummi almost choked on her food "Really? When? How? Where? Who is she?" She asked in one breath.

         This is going to be interesting i guess

I pinched Yahaya's lap under the table gesturing for him to carry on from where i stopped.

    "This might sound weird and hilarious" Yahaya chuckled nervously "I'm your son and I would like to seek for your daughter's hand in marriage" yet again he shifted nervously on his seat "believe me when i say I didn't know how or when i started loving your princess; my princess. I'm not promising her a life full of happiness but i promise to be with her through thick and thin, through the ups and down. I will always be there for her and i will always love her"

I listened to Yahaya as he utters those words which i could swear he meant each and every word. Now am sure she's safe. She's at home.

    Ummi watched in awwed and she couldn't hide her excitement "Oh Allah! Yahaya i never thought....." she couldn't even finish up her sentence as she stood up to embrace him. And i watched as he relaxed in Ummi's warmth.

      One step down I thought

Later that night when I knocked on Sadiya's door, I didn't know how i was going to do it but i was sure i will do it.

     She looked surprised but quickly masked it off. I sat on the stool adjacent to her bed.

    "I'm sorry, i know I don't deserve your forgiveness but please marry my brother, for Allah's sake, for the love you have for Ummi, for what he endured just to fulfill your wish of marrying a soldier, for your love that's engraved in his heart" i said all that with a heavy heart and when she nodded I didn't know when a tear stubbornly slipped down my cheeks and I quickly wipe it.

    I was neither happy nor sad. I felt empty.

***
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