Blinded By Love | COMPLETED

Chapter 18

[ Alyys ]

I stare at my plate. The food Justin made doesn't look that appetizing anymore. I know he is lying. I knew it from the moment I walked into the house. Justin never cleans the house and even when he does, it never smells like soap this strong.

He is hiding something, and I like to know what it is. But I think I have an idea of what I might be. But I don't want to admit it. I don't want it to be true. I have no idea what I would do if it was true.

I know the panties aren't from Maddie. I haven't even seen them at her place, I just said that to see his reaction. And even though he thinks I didn't see it, I could tell he was relieved. I look over at him. He takes a sip of his water and smiles at me.

I force myself to smile back and eat some vegetables. Justin has put on some music so the house isn't completely silent. I try to make myself feel something, but all I feel is this, cold blanket, wrapped around me and getting tighter and tighter.

I don't want to ask him about it. I don't want to hear him even say it, or say something that looks like it. I don't want to believe that he, possibly, maybe, be cheating on me.

I shake my head briefly and force myself to think about anything else, but I can't. I feel the tears stinging behind my eyes and I blink a few times, trying to push them back. Only the thought of Justin doing something like that, another girl touching him as I do, and him touching her as he does to me, making me feel special.

It makes me feel sick. Sick and horrible. We eat our dinner in silence, only looking at each other a few times. I hate not talking to him, but I have also no idea what to say.

I remember how warm it was today, which means the sunset would probably be beautiful tonight. Every day it is like that, Justin asks if we can walk along the beach together, just enjoying the beautiful colors in the sky.

"So, today was a good day for a pretty sunset."
Justin looks up. It has been the first sentence any of us said for the last one and a half hours. He nods his head and lays down his knife.

"Do you want to walk along the seashore?"
I smile a little and nod my head.
"We don't have to talk," He chuckles and looks at his plate. "I like just being in your presence, even when it is in silence."

I agree with the not talking bit. I don't feel like talking to him, I don't even know if I want to go to the beach. But I don't want to miss the sunset and I like the sounds of the waves, crashing on the beach.

Justin takes my plate and puts everything into the dishwasher.
"It is getting cold so maybe bring a jacket."
What he means is, 'I don't want you to get sick so put on a jacket'.

That one thing I like about him. It doesn't matter how bad the fight is, he will always make sure I don't get hurt or sick, even if we just go to the store. I walk to the bedroom, grab my shoes and put them on.

When I look into the mirror, I remember I still am wearing his sweater. It is too comfortable and warm to change into a sweater of mine, so I decide to just wear this with a jacket over it.

I walk to the door and wait there for Justin, which of course takes too long. He says I always take too long to get ready, but he is even worse sometimes! I lean against the wall and look into the bedroom, seeing him struggling to pick a hoodie, as usual.

"Pick the blue one, that one suits you well."
He looks up and smiles at me, quickly putting on the blue hoodie and some shoes. I almost want to grab his hand and walk outside. Instead, I open the door and walk out, with him following me.

It feels weird to have him not that close next to me like we always are. It feels like there is a huge space between us, even though he is right next to me.

As we walk to the beach the sun starts to set and the sky is going from blue to a mix of pink, purple and some red. I smile when I look up and I see that Justin does the same. He might be tough, acting all bad guy but there's one thing he loves then it's watching the sunset with me.

I didn't expect him to be into that stuff, but I guess he is. It is warm enough to take off our shoes and walk barefoot on the beach. I look up when I feel his hand touching mine, a thing he always does when he wants to hold my hand. His fingers touch mine, without even thinking I grab his hand as we walk to the seashore.

We walk across the beach in silence, listening to the sound of the waves and a few cars passing by. We walk up a few rocks and follow a small path, created by people walking around here all the time. I take small steps on the rocks, trying not to slip and fall.

Justin looks behinds him and watches me, grabbing my other arm when I, of course, do slip away with my foot.
"Be careful, please."
I nod my head and follow him up to one of the big rocks.

I didn't notice it until now, but Justin brought a small outdoor blanket with him. He puts it down on a clean spot and sits down. I let go of his hand and sit down too, automatically grabbing his hand again. I can see him smiling at me in the corner of my eyes.

We stare at the sea for what feels like hours, watching the sunset and calming down, forgetting about the stuff at home. I put the sleeves of the sweater over my hands, trying to keep them warm. Even though it is still warm outside, the sea wind makes it a lot colder here.

Justin looks over at me.
"Are you cold?"
I still don't really want to talk to him so I shake my head. Instead of leaving me, he puts his arm around me and lays the parts of the blanket we don't sit on over my legs. I have to admit, I do feel a little better now.

I move a bit closer to him and lay my head against his shoulder. I stare into the distance, my eyes closing slowly as I enjoy this moment. I could stay here forever. At this spot, at this exact moment.

It has been an hour or something and it is almost dark. The beach is filled with little lights of people having a party or just enjoying their vacation. We both have laid down and I let my head rest on his chest. I watch the sky getting darker and darker, every second appearing new tiny stars around the big bright moon.

Justin took his half of the blanket and wrapped it around me so I stayed warm. It so weird to look at the moon and think about how far away it is. I could never wrap my head around it, even though I thought that astronomy is so interesting.

Justin lets his fingers run through my hair. The feeling of that, the soft sounds on the background and staring into this dark black nothing's makes me feel sleepy. I know that if I close my eyes now I will fall asleep, so I look away and try to focus on something else. I hear Justin carefully clearing his throat like he's about to say something important.

"Alyys?"
"Yes?"
"I, I am really sorry about what happened at home. I didn't want to scare you or make you think things about me..."

I turn over and look at him, leaning on my arms. I know he's lying. But I can't say that to him, right? I don't want to argue with him again.
"No, it's fine Justin. I just freaked out because of the lack of sleep, sorry."

Another lie I threw into the world like it's nothing. But it's nothing. We are lying to each other and we both know it. And it kills me inside. But it doesn't really seem to affect Justin, which makes me even more upset. Like he has done it before. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it, how to make me feel and how to look at me. 

Before he starts about it again, I cut him off.
"Can we just, forget about it and go home? It's getting cold..."
"Yeah, sure."

He smiles at me and stands up. I do too and grab the blanket from the ground. I hate this lying stuff, but I don't want to ask him about it. Not yet. I grab his hand again and we walk back onto the beach. He follows me and we make our way back home, leaving the argue and fight at the beach, waiting to take it with its waves and make it disappear forever.