coffee shop / solby

¿ 14 ?

(tw - self-harm)

sam:
i took a shaky breath as me and colby walked out of the coffee shop and to his car.
"are you ok?" he stopped to face me, looking up.
"i will be. i'm better than i was last night," i lied. if anything, i felt ten times worse.
"that's good. do you wanna go to mine or yours?" he asked with a smile.
"i-i think i'm gonna go to mine.. alone. i just need some time to think about everything," i mumbled, feeling guilty.
"oh, ok! i'll call you. do you want me to drive you there?" he said, his tone not altering from cheery.
"no thanks, i-i'll walk," i said quietly, turning around to leave.
"i love you," colby called after me, now sounding extremely sad.
"i love you too," i called back quietly, beating myself up in my head during the short walk. i was gonna hurt him, and not on purpose. i was doing the thing. the thing where i shut everyone out, the people i care about the very most just because i've been through something borderline or just plainly traumatic. i already had my plans for when i got home, and it would hurt the both of us.

(tw- self-harm starts here)

"where is it?" i scratched my head, looking for the old box i had full of razors frantically.
"there it is," i found it underneath my bed, at the back. probably there for a reason, i thought to myself. i was 18 months clean. everyone would be so disappointed. that thought made me pause for a second, then continue to what i was doing. i pulled the box out and opened it vigorously, grabbing a clean razor. if i was gonna do this, i wasn't gonna be stupid about it. i dragged the cold stainless steel over my wrist once, feeling the instant relieving sting. i wanted more of the sting, more of the pain, just to prove how worthless i am. i wanted to cut until my arm was a vision of red, ragged and practically falling apart, like a dog had mauled on it viciously. i dragged it along four more times, all deep and long, each time the pain giving me some sense of disgusting, horrible, undeniable relief.

(tw- self harm over)

then the phone rang. i'd lost myself so much in that moment, i hadn't thought for a second about colby. i looked down at my arm and my stomach did somersaults, seeing the heaps of blood gushing onto the floor, my work uniform, and my jeans. i tossed the razor to the side and answered the phone with my now free hand, putting it on speaker. i hadn't realised, but i had tears and snot streaming down my face.
"sam, seriously, are you ok? you seemed so.. so distant," colby said sadly over the phone.
"n-no c-colby i-i need you h-here there's s-so much b-blood, i c-can't i'm go- i'm gonna pass o-out," i panted, falling to the floor from my sitting position.
"sam, what do you mean? sam? i'm on my way," was all i heard before i passed out, too unconscious to respond.

?

this ones a lil short and i'm sorry if it triggered anyone but brace yourselves for the next chapter 🥺🥺