Memorize (Book One)

Where Good and Evil Come To Terms

"You know what? Stop hanging around me!"

It wasn't the first time Starling was unkind with Ananda. The shock, the loss and the pain had been gnawing at his once solar nature, chipping away his confident and easy-going approach to Life. Starling was damaged, and the worst part of it was that he didn't want to let his light shine anymore. His expression had hardened, his eyes were stern, and he had cut his hair very short just before leaving, which made him look like a heartless Retriever on a grim mission.

"You know what? You look more and more like Epos!" answered Ananda as she stormed out of the Rest Zone where Jay was still recovering, leaving her two friends alone.

"Star, you've got to get a grip! I know a  lot has happened. You've taken a hard blow. But... back there in the Sulphur Lands, someone loves you like only a father does."

"How would you know?"

"Because I've talked a lot with Aura. He'd give his life for you, man. Besides... I used to be a father too. Well, I'm pretty sure I sucked at it, but..."

"No kidding? You? A father?"

"Yes, I remember it now. Not clearly, but I know I've had two kids, Dust and Gem. And I remember their laugh... That's all, though."

"How 'bout their mother?"

"Hera, my soulmate... I recall a lot about her, even if I can't see her face distinctly. Now I know  why I was so badly attracted by my past. We even exchanged our Vows..."

"Sounds like the perfect romance," snarled Starling, "only it's with a woman you abandoned at the other end of the universe, in a story programmed to be terminated. So hopeless. And we're gonna get killed anyway, as soon as we reach the Red City."

"Star, you do sound like the blond rat!"

"Shut the fuck up! If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have met my... I mean, Aura! My life would've remained the same!"

Jay took a deep breath and stood up, wincing at the effort. The Memory Box had sucked up a huge chunck of his strength.

"The hell with you! Life can't stay put! Better knowing the truth than living an empty life. And anyway, you still have someone who loves you: you do have a father, Star. Okay, he didn't raise you from the start. I'd love to get the rats who did that to you and show the... But Aura, even if he was wrong, loves you like a father always should. Grant him that."

Starling didn't answer, then he looked at his friend and asked: "Do I really look like Epos?"

"You do. Listen, we're in the same boat. I risk being killed for not giving up on my past. And you've been tricked and manipulated into believing a fake past. This is going well beyond 'doing everything for the best'. There's something really wrong with GloCo..."

"Bunch of bastards..."

"But at least we met and loved some true people on the way."

"Not sure about Aura. Still want him to go to hell... But I guess what you mean is I've been an asshole?"

"That's the idea!" said Jay, smiling.

Starling sat on the couch, looking empty.

"Easy for you to say. You never give up, you're never defeated. That's how I was too, before. I felt strong, I was happy. Nothing was complicated. See, you've found out that your dream was true. I found out that mine wasn't. I don't know who I am anymore. "

"But it's never been easy. And I never felt strong."

"What is it that holds you together, then?"