Driving Force

chapter 10

"Coach, I don't think I can make it to camp tomorrow. I haven't been feeling well." I lie over the phone.

"Is everything okay, Madison? Is it your seizures?" I hear Vlatko very concerned on the other line.

"No, I think it's just a cold. But if I don't rest it will bring on seizures."

"If you want, we can have the team doctor check you out if you come."

"It's okay, Coach. It should pass over soon."

"Okay, but if you need anything at all, please reach out. Day or night I will be here." He says.

With that we say our goodbyes as I promise to reach out if I do need anything. As I hang up, I hear silence in my house. It's unusual for the week that has been happening under this roof. Cameron has hit the hardest point of her detox yesterday. The entire week for her consisted of screams,vomiting, chills, body aches, agitation, muscle spasms, and plenty more. I've locked her in the room the entire week and there are no windows for her to try to escape from. It sounds harsh but she's through the worst of it. Unfortunately, I can't leave her to go to camp.

I make my way to her door, undo all the locks, and enter carrying a bucket of water and rag. She is passed out on the bed too weak to even move. I dip the rag in the water and wipe her forehead and neck.

"Just let me go." She begs weakly. I statement she has been screaming all week.

"I'm sorry. It'll be okay, Cameron." I repeat sounding like a broken record. "Just a couple of more days. You have been doing so good."

"Please." She pleads before she goes silent falling back to sleep. I stay with her for a few minutes before I leave and lock up the room.

The entire week was an ugly mess that dragged. I am beyond exhausted between taking care of Cameron, going to work, and trying to study for school. The lack of sleep, stress, and exhaustion had caused me to have a couple of seizures throughout the week.

"Hello, Madison." Jessie says over the phone as I finally answer her facetime for the first time in a few days.

"Hi," I reply.

"You are looking a little rough. You doing okay? You haven't called me once this week to help with your school work." She says, her eyes holding a lot of concern.

"I'm sorry. It's been a tough week. I've been distracted." I pull my gaze from her.

"Do you want to talk about it? I'm all ears." Her voice soothes me.

"I can't, but can I ask you for a favor." She nods for me to continue. "Can you just talk to me about anything? Your voice calms me down. I need to calm down." I say letting my usually strong and smiley exterior crack.

"Of course. How about I read us a book out loud?" She says and continues as I prop my phone on the table, lay down on the couch, and close my eyes. Her voice puts me in a trance which leads me to falling asleep. I don't have time to dream as I am right back up as I hear screams. I shoot up from my position on the couch but remember I was on facetime with Jessie and see she was still on the phone looking scared and confused.

"Please let me go! Let me out!" I hear Cameron scream and bang on the door as she has been.

"Madi, who is that?!" Jessie's voice carries fear.

"I have to go, Jess. Don't worry about it. I promise I am okay. I'll call you later." I say and quickly hang up not giving her time to reply. As I hang up, I lay back down as screams fill the house for the thousandth time that week. The sleep from before taking over my body and drowning out the desperate voice of Cameron. 

..........

A few more days pass by of nothing new until the day arrives where I believe Cameron's detox is over. She's still very weak but I enter her room and help lift her to the bathroom where I filled the bathtub. I clean her up, washing her body and hair from over a week of sweat and detox. As I finish up, I move her to the couch where she sprawls out falling right to sleep. I take this time to make soup since this will be the first time she'll hold something down other than water and gatorade. I come back once it's done and wake her up getting her into a seated position. She leans on me as I help feed her some soup. After a few spoons, she refuses anymore and lays down. I take it back to the kitchen and do the dishes as well as the laundry from the room she was staying in and the clothes she had in her duffle.

..........

"Come on, we are going on a walk." I throw Cameron one of my hoodies and sweats a few days later as she is finally regaining her strength.

"So how are Ali and Ashlyn?" She asks as we walk to a nearby park. She is looking much healthier than she was two weeks ago with much more energy.

"They are good. Taking care of Mason. He is three years old now. They miss you a lot and haven't stopped searching for you." I say seeing my words makes her think.

"How about Kelley?"

"She still loves you." I repeat Kelley's words she once told me. Tear well up in Cam's eyes as the words leave my mouth. "She is always thinking about you, but she is holding it together as best as she can."

"I miss them so much." She turns to face me and stops walking.

"What made you leave? Why didn't you come back?" I question her, wondering what her story and thoughts are.

"Would you think I am lying if I said I really don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out. I thought I wanted to start life fresh and all over but by the time I realized what I had was really good, it was too late to turn back. I self-sabotaged even though people tried their best to stop me and I didn't want to reshow my face and disappoint them even more than I already had."