Change For Me

17. an 80

~~~~

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes! we're doing it." Jae begs.

"I'm in," Eric raises his hand and I glare at him. How did I get myself in this situation?

"We need to switch it up." Jae says. I sink into my seat out of pure embarrassment. Our presentation hasn't started and I'm already experiencing the post anxiety. I contemplate whether I want to go along with their plan or not. "I told you to trust me."

"Yeah, and look where that lead me." I point at the horrible looking posted board. I can tell he did it last minute, which doesn't soothe me. I try to tell myself, "it doesn't look that bad", but it's  obvious there's no effort put into it.

"We're doing it." Jae shrugs. I sigh and face the front—the first group is ready to present. I decide to agree as I don't want to argue before our turn.

"If we get a bad grade, then I'm blaming it on you." I whisper loud enough for him to hear, threatening him.

"My pleasure."

~

"Très bien." Madame and the whole class claps for the group's presentation. "Ellie's group, you're up!"

"I can't believe I'm doing this." I thought to myself. I gather the courage to walk myself towards the front of the class.  Once I face my classmates—an actual nightmare—I'm exceeded by my anxiety.

"You may begin." Madame writes something on a piece of paper, making me more nervous.

I play with my cute cards, fidgeting around for a comfortable standing position, and compel myself to look up. I really can't as everyone stares at us. It's my worst fear.

"Sir," Jae begins. I realize he has started the presentation already and it forces me to continue—I can't stop now.

"John," I say next, immediately cringing.

"A," Eric forms the letter with his arms. I prevent myself from jumping out of the window. Is it too late to do so?

"Mac," Jae continues this "chant" he has suggested.

"Do," I'm mentally cursing at our introduction.

"Nald!" Eric yells, changing his voice to a higher octave. The whole class erupts into fits of laughter. It's not because of how funny it is but, of how embarrassing it is for us.

"Well that was interesting." Madame says.

"Told you it was good." Jae whispers in my ear. I roll my eyes because it's absolutely untrue.

"Continue," Madame gestures for us to begin the actual presentation. This will take forever...

~

"An 80!" I exclaim. There's no way I got that mark.

"Cmon, that's a good mark." Jae folds the paper with our mark written on it. He places it in his folder as if it's nothing. On the contrary, my eyes are glued on the blue ink.

"It's good enough." I say more to myself. If I repeatedly convince myself it's "good enough", then it will be—I hope.

In reality, I'm disappointed. Ever since I was young, I've had high expectations for everything I do, especially my education.

An 80 is still a good mark. It's hard to achieve a good of a grade nowadays, so I'm semi-grateful for a mere pass of an A. It's "semi" because I tend to overthink. I'll live with the anxiety for days, telling myself:  "I could've done better", "I should've done this or that", "Why didn't I get a higher mark?", "it's my fault I didn't work hard enough.", and so on and so forth—all of the what ifs.