Change For Me

53. there's an us?

[okay but I think I'm too nice to y'all]

As the only child, I had to learn to be independent at a young age. I rely on me, myself, and I.

I've been used to being abandoned and alone since I was a child. Because of my social anxiety, it was difficult for me to develop my social skills and make new friends. I'm fortunate to have a few devoted friends like Sofie and...

After losing the one thing in which I thought I had faith, everything began to crumble beneath my feet. After my and Jae's outburst, he made it his responsibility to take everything away from me.

I began this year with friends who I thought supported and trusted me, but they all turned their backs on me because I hurt poor Cassidy's feelings.

Throughout the year, I started to truly believe that I am welcomed and belong somewhere, but I am despised both at school and at home. Eva, Conrad, my parents, and...Jae were the people I thought would care about me.

They all chose someone they felt sorry for because I acted out and stood up for myself for the first time.

My greatest fear has manifested itself from my thoughts into reality. I'm alone in the dark and the light. Every time I go to bed at night and wake up in the morning, I am reminded of how I am always last.

"Stop overthinking" Sofie snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Thank you" I murmur, keeping my eyes to the office's floor.

"Ellie, I shouldn't have to remind you to stop overthinking," she says as she looks up from her textbook. "It's been over a month and you're still in pain. I think you should talk to someone about it, talk to me," she pleads.

"Hello" she waves a hand in front of my face. "You're thinking about Cassidy's birthday aren't you?" She sighs.

"She's broken" Dustin pouts.

"I agreed to come with you but are you sure you want to go?" Sofie furrows her brows.

"I told you I have no choice" I shake my head.

"You do have a choice Ellie" Sofie frustratingly shakes her head. "Don't let them take advantage of you"

"Ellie" Mrs.Pearce walks in, looking between Sofie and Dustin with concern. "May you help me with a few things in my office?"

"Of course" I sheepishly smile before following to her office.

"Ellie" she weakly smiles. "Are you okay?" She pulls me in a warm hug.

"Yeah" I bite my lip. "What do you need help with?" I look around her spacious office, blinking away my tears.

"Don't lie" Mrs.Pearce giggles, ushering me to her leather couch. "I studied psychology, I know when someone's lying"

"No..." I whisper. "I-I'm not okay"

"Why are you bottling up your feelings?" She tilts her head.

"I don't know" I look out the window that shines brightly from across the room. "I don't mean to"

"You're too kindhearted," she says softly. "You don't want to burden other people with your problems."

"You should try to openly discuss your problems with the people you trust," she advises.

"It's not that easy" I frown, playing with the sleeves of sweater.

"I believe it is," she smiles, and I turn my head to look at her. "You have two people outside that door who want to help you overcome this, Ellie. You are not alone if you accept you are."