Crossroads (Book Three)

Chapter 39

Lyla

I leave for Africa tomorrow. Somehow the day has already arrived. My flight is early in the morning. I already have a plan to carpool to the airport with Will in the morning. My suitcase is currently sprawled out on my bed as I stare down at it. There's barely an inch of room to spare in it as I try to shove in another piece of clothing. I've gone through my packing checklist three times already and know that all the essentials are already packed.

It was more of a challenge then I had anticipated to pack three months worth of living into one suitcase. I always thought of myself as low maintenance, but I may have to rethink it now as I finally close the suitcase and work up a sweat getting the zipper done up.

I drag it out of my room and to the front door. My apartment is bare, no furniture left in the living room or kitchen. Megan's room is already cleared out and she's gone. She left yesterday to head back to her hometown. We already signed on for the lease next year again to come back to the same apartment. The only thing left in my room is my bed.

My parents have been up on numerous trips in the last six weeks to slowly help me pack away my belongings to bring back to their place to store until next year. They're going to come up tomorrow to pickup my bed once I'm gone. My mom has been checking in on me an annoyingly amount of times everyday since I broke the news of the breakup to her. She wanted all the details and I could tell she wasn't too pleased when I wouldn't spill the beans to her and just simply told her we weren't working anymore.

I haven't heard from Shawn all week. After the night of the breakup he called everyday for the first two weeks and blew my phone up with texts. The first few days I had to hand my phone over to Megan and make her promise to not give it back to me. I couldn't trust myself not to text him back or pickup when he called.

When he stopped by our apartment two nights in a row, I stood in the hallway just out of sight from the front door and listened to him beg Megan to let him see me. His voice was so broken when he spoke, raspy from I'm sure a lack of sleep as I was in the same boat. I had sunk down to the floor both nights to stop myself from running to the front door to him and his arms.

I have had a few sightings of him on campus the past few week from afar, but he always seemed to be heading the opposite direction of me, no doubt probably having seen me first and taking off. I don't blame him. I've been avoiding him too. I'm afraid if I get close to him I'll admit I was an idiot and this whole thing is stupid and wrong then end up begging him to take me back. Neither of us need that right now.

We need to spend some time apart, focus on ourselves and not be so dependent on each other. It doesn't mean that I'm still not hurting. I hurt as much today as I did the day we broke up. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't had strong feelings of regret some days about my decision. There were many late night runs where I ended up on the sidewalk out front of his house, staring up at the front door but never allowing myself to go up and knock on it.

I lay back on my bed. It's already past ten at night and I let out a yawn, feeling the exhaustion of the day overtake my body. I've been up since seven, running around finishing all my final packing and cleaning up the apartment. I hear my phone ringing on the bed beside me and I reach for it, figuring it will be my mom with her final check in of the day.

I pause before answering the call when I see Shawn's face appear on the screen. I hesitate, not knowing if I should answer it or not. It keeps ringing as I hold it in my hand, battling with my head and heart on what to do. I stall long enough that the phone stops ringing making the choice for me. The voicemail notification dings a moment later.

He left a message. I want to listen to it. I need to listen to it. But I'm afraid to hear his voice. I'm afraid to know what he has to say to me. I can only imagine the worst and he will have left me a hateful goodbye message. I deserve it at this point. I push the negative thoughts from my mind and gather all my courage as I click to open the voicemail, entering my password and waiting to hear his voice.

"Lyla, it's me. I was hoping I'd be able to reach you and not have to leave a message on your phone. I really want to see you before you leave tomorrow. I promise I'm not going to try and convince you to stay, I just need to see you before you're gone. Hell, you're probably asleep by now," he pauses and lets out a long sigh. "I just want you to know that I hope you have an amazing time. And that I am proud of you. Be safe over there. I... Well, good luck."

There's a click as the message ends and my finger hits the number nine to save it. I'm not sure why I don't delete it, but I don't overthink it. He wants to see me. I'm leaving for the other side of the world tomorrow and I won't get another chance to see him for at least three months if ever again.

I spring myself off my bed and grab my running shoes, sliding them on as I leave my bedroom. I need to see him too. Even if it's only to say goodbye in person, I need to see him one more time. I'm out my front door and heading for the staircase before I can second guess myself.