Crossroads (Book Three)

Chapter 40

Shawn

I hang up the call and drop my phone onto my bed beside me. I just finished leaving what I'm certain sounds like a pathetic message on Lyla's voicemail. I wanted to call her all day since I know she is leaving tomorrow, but I kept stopping myself from dialling her number.

Of course, now that I finally get the balls to call its ten o'clock at night and I have no doubt she's already sound asleep. I know from overhearing a conversation between Will and Danielle the other day in our kitchen that their flight leaves early tomorrow morning.

I can't believe she is leaving tomorrow. She will be gone. I know I haven't seen her in the last six weeks, but knowing she was still close by kept me sane. Stealing glances of her on campus kept me breathing. Now that she is going to be across the world, panic has set in that I don't know when I will ever see her again. Surely it won't be over the next three months and after that who knows.

The idea that I may never see her again, that she may be gone from my life forever, has me feeling lost. I thought she was going to be a constant in my life that, we would be there for one another always.

The breakup still doesn't make sense to me. I want Lyla. I want us to be together. I want to marry her and have a family with her. That was always our plan, we were both on the same page, or so I had thought. I knew this summer and next year was going to be tough for us, but I never considered quitting, it was never an option that even came to mind.

I would do whatever I had to do to keep our relationship alive, to make it work because for me we were end game. I didn't want anyone else, I still don't want anyone else. But I've convinced myself that this is what Lyla needs right now and I am going to respect it.

I will give her the space that she wants and let her go. I truly believe that we will find our way back to one another. I have faith that we will be together again. Mostly because I know for damn sure I'm not giving up. If she wants some time to spend apart from me, I will give her the time, but I won't give up us. I will wait and when she is ready for us again I am never letting her go. I am going to marry her. I'm going to be her husband and show her everyday damn day that I choose her and will always choose her.

I drag my butt out of bed to change into some gym shorts and a sleeveless shirt. I need to release some of my pent up aggravation and boxing seems to always do the trick most days. I've been using the punching bag downstairs almost everyday this past week. Even though what I really want to do right now is head straight to Lyla's apartment, I have done that embarrassingly enough already and don't want to disrupt Lyla's life at this point. I grab my headphones off my dresser and leave my room to head downstairs.

As I round the corner to head down to the basement, a knock at the front door stops me in my tracks. It's almost ten thirty now as I glance down at my phone and walk over to the door, swinging it open as I feel all the air get knocked out of my lungs.

"Hey," Lyla's soft voice hits me in the chest and breathes air back into me.

I haven't heard it in six weeks and I didn't realize how much I needed to hear it until this moment. She's wearing a black hoodie and some grey leggings with running shoes. I realize she must have been out for run judging by the sweat coating her skin. She smiles nervously as she shifts side to side on her feet, still standing on the porch.

I step aside allowing her space to come in and she does. I'm confused as hell right now as to what she is doing here. A small tiny hopeful part of me is clinging to the chance she might take me back, but I don't dare drop to my knees and beg her right now, knowing it's not what she needs right now, so I wait for her to speak.