A few days later
Omniscient
"You still mad bout this condom situation?" Syd asked Honey who laid in bed with her back to the woman, Honey hummed in honesty. "Why? I told you I ain't know who shit it was, baby. I'll never lie to you." Syd reminded Honey who just laid in silence.
She sighed and climbed into bed next to the woman before kissing her shoulder, she snuggled into her and pecked her cheek. "You my one and only. I promise ain't nobody else."
Honey listened to the words and stared out at the curtain as her stomach started to develop a heartbeat. She turned to Syd and snuggled into her before kissing her jaw.
"I love you." She told Syd in a low tone, sounding as if she had been down all day. "What's wrong?"
"I'm tired." She mumbled between the two, Syd palmed her stomach and kissed the side of her head. "Get some rest then, ma."
Not like that. Honey thought while continuing to stare out into space, her mind roaming at an aggressive rate. She said nothing though, feeling as though Syd didn't understand her so she just kept the things to herself.
She snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Syd's voice, glancing up to see the woman on the phone with Matt. She had been communicating with the boy every day since he had left, he would always call her at 4 and they would sit on the phone for up to 2 hours a day.
Matt would tell Syd about school was, and Syd would tell Matt about how work was even though he hardly understood. "How ya' lizard doing?"
"He's ok. I fed him on my own." He excitedly announced while putting a FaceTime affect over himself. "What you name him?"
"Matthew Jr!"
"Jr? You a dad now?"
"Mhm!" He nodded while cheesing, his little character repeating his actions. "Shit, goodluck then man.." Syd sighed while yawning.
She continued to sit and talk with Matt while watching him play with his things that she'd sent him back with. Eventually his nana was calling him to eat, so he said his goodbyes and hung up the phone.
After their conversation, Syd stared at the ceiling while thinking about the next time she could see Matt. And Honey stared at the ceiling while thinking of how much Matt improved her parenting style.
She was no longer gone away from home nights on in, if she did work then she would come home at the appropriate time, shower, eat, talk to Matt and then sleep.
It filled Honey with a ton of different emotions that she could hardly even keep up with herself. All she could do was think.
~ A Week Later~
Oct 1st
The routine had stayed the same as it was from just a week ago, only Honey was too tired to even get up and work.
She was too tired to do anything. And whenever Syd asked her about it, she just said the same old thing. Eventually it led to an argument between the two, Syd getting tired of hearing the words with nothing following behind. And Honey not knowing how to explain how she felt.
The little human inside of her begged to differ though, almost every second she was alone. She cried. And not just a few tears. Actual sobs and break downs.
She couldn't figure out why or how she could cry so much about nothing in detail, but everything in general. She was attempting to figure out what was wrong in her life, so she could fix it.
But she didn't know where to start, since there were so many things that she considered wrong but in reality it was just another flaw. Everyone has flaws, she could understand that. But she couldn't understand why it felt as though she had so many.
It pained her to argue with Sydney, for the woman to walk away from her instead of pampering her with love, helping her through the difficult moments. She wanted to speak up about it, but feared that it would only anger Syd more.
She seemed to be in good spirits though, so that made one of them. She rolled out of bed with a smile every morning, whistled a tone in the shower, hummed to herself at breakfast, and smiled at herself in the mirror.
Honey observed everything, every little difference. And she couldn't figure out how Syd was so content with life. How she handled her problems accordingly. What made her the way she was.
She wanted to ask her what made her happier, but she only knew that it would cause an argument. Their realities were so different that Honey couldn't even notice that she had only been sulking around while Syd left the house everyday to face the world.
She wiped her tears as she stared at herself in the mirror and sniffled afterwards. On the outside, she could see a grown, hardworking woman who let herself slip into a deep state of depression.
But on the inside, she was still a little girl who needed answers from every problem that she faced from the time she figured out that she was conscious. Things from years ago imbedded in her mind, previous relationships, platonic and romantic.
She remembered every detail of how everyone from her past treated her, and tried to make reason of that. She looked for the opinions of others within herself and she found them laced within her own view of herself.
She worked so hard to make herself what everyone wanted her to be, so bad that she didn't even know what she wanted to be herself. She didn't know if she wanted to be a parent, she didn't know if she wanted to be fully committed to an individual.
That being one of her biggest problems, because she wasn't even committed to herself. How could she be if she didn't know how to commit to herself. She didn't know if she wanted to be happy or comfortable.
She didn't know anything about herself, and that only made her feel even worse. Her fingers slid underneath the cloth and she grazed her hand over her stomach.
After a few minutes of getting herself together, she made her way to the bathroom to get ready for her doctors appointment.
-
i told ya i would post last night, thats my bad.
but hea we go, short chap 🤲🏾.
