you make me sick (for being so perfect)

Seventy Six.

       

When Lauren bursts into her room without warning, Camila is more than a little confused. She sits up, feeling a little underdressed, since she's in her PJs and hasn't exactly left her bed yet, but she doesn't care as much when she sees Lauren's distressed expression.

"Are you okay, Laur?" Camila asks when Lauren throws her bomber jacket on the ground and stares at it angrily.

Lauren huffs, and pulls off the t-shirt she's wearing, and then unbuttons her jeans and strips them off, tossing them all in a messy pile and glaring at it. Then, she pulls her underwear off, drops them on the ground, and with a loud sigh, climbs into bed next to Camila, cuddling up to her and pulling the blankets over them.

"Um..." Camila frowns when Lauren stays silent. "Not that I don't love the strip tease, but what are you doing here? We didn't plan to meet today."

Lauren whines and cuddles up to her, her eyes screwed shut. Camila catches on to what's happening pretty quickly.

"Are you nonverbal, baby?" Camila asks, and Lauren finally nods in response. Camila wraps her arms around Lauren's waist, and with one hand, makes sure to give her girlfriend tummy rubs. "Okay. Did you go into sensory overload?"

When Lauren shakes her head, Camila frowns. She doesn't know what could've made Lauren upset. "Are you stressed?"

At that, Lauren nods, and her grip on Camila tightens. Camila wonders what Lauren could be stressed about, because it's not like her girlfriend got like this around exam season, when Camila was constantly freaking out. Lauren was the level headed one. Lauren had been calm the whole time they were studying together, telling Camila, 'I know I'm going to get good grades, I'm smart, I have a 5.0 GPA, so I don't need to worry'.

With no exams, and it being summer, and the fact they have no responsibilities at the moment, Camila isn't entirely sure what could be wrong, and Lauren can't tell her.

She feels Lauren's cool fingers against hers, and instead of holding her hand, Lauren plays with her fingers, humming to herself, her eyes still closed. Camila spots Nala on the floor, in the messy pile Lauren had tossed her clothes in, and leans down to get her. She hears Lauren's whine in protest as she moves away to get the stuffed lion, but when Camila cuddles up to her again, and presses Nala into her arms, Lauren's eyes open and she beams down at her lion.

Camila kisses Lauren's forehead and smiles. "When you can talk, let me know what's wrong, okay? We can fix it together. Just focus on calming down for now."

Lauren stays close to Camila, and the younger Latina scrolls through her Tumblr dashboard with one hand, and give Lauren tummy rubs with the other. After almost an hour of sitting in almost silence – Camila makes sure to hum along to some songs, mostly a few of her own she'd written, because she knows it makes Lauren calm – Lauren finally shifts and detaches herself from Camila's side.

Camila watches as Lauren gently sets Nala down on one of her pillows, pats the lion on the head, and looks over at Camila with wide eyes. Lauren doesn't meet her gaze, and opts to stare at her neck. "I am upset."

"Well, yeah," Camila answers, "I figured. What upset you?"

Lauren collapses into Camila's arms again with a loud sigh. "I don't- I don't think I want to go to college."

Camila blinks at her in shock. "Lauren... but like, you- you've been so excited to go and study animals. What's changed?"

"Exactly!" Lauren raises her voice and taps rapidly against her knees with her palms. "That's why."

Camila frowns. "You don't want to study animals anymore? Then just... do art."

"No, not that," Lauren cuts herself off with a long hum, but continues, "I like lions. But- but... I don't want it to be different."