Already Gone

Still Have Me

It takes almost three hours to fly from Seattle to Los Angelos. 

The shortest airline route is about 960 miles. 

   Los Angelos definitely wasn't extraordinarily far from Seattle but it was still a trip that would take some time. 

This car ride felt just as long. 

   We sat in silence for the first five minutes. I wasn't surprised that we did. Quite frankly, we were two strangers stuck in a car. I wanted to start a conversation a few times but I was worried about what I would say once I got going.

Deep down, I was furious at my aunt even though logically, I couldn't see why it was her fault. However, the fury did lessen slightly when she broke the silence. 

"I'll be honest, I didn't even know that I had a niece before your mother called asking for a favour," She admitted almost sheepishly. 

   I shrugged nonchalantly, "Then I guess you didn't know that you had two."

"Had?"

   I nodded, "Yeah...just like how I had a sister."

"What happened?" She asked me softly.

"She accidentally overdosed," I replied, my voice matching hers in volume. 

   She sighed, "She was like your mom?"

   I tensed at how she just assumed, "No."

   Neither of us spoke for a beat while we both tried to figure out what was appropriate to say. 

"She was seven," I decided to be the one to talk, to clear things up. I didn't want to hate my aunt, though part of me did, and I sure didn't want her to hate me. I didn't need bad blood between us. I didn't need to make things harder for myself. 

"Oh?" She looked confused. 

   I swallowed, "Stella...that's her name. She was the best. She was the opposite of my mother. She was perfect. I was taking a nap and she somehow found some of our mother's prescription. They were some strong stuff...she was dead before we even got to the hospital."

   That seemed to catch my aunt off guard as she didn't say anything after. When I glanced over, I saw that she was keeping her eyes fixated in front of her. She didn't look sad but she didn't look unbothered either. 

   I tried to understand everything from her perspective and I realized I probably would have the same reaction. My aunt didn't know my sister at all, but Stella was still her niece and I just informed her that she had died. 

How was she supposed to react?

"So...did you and my mom really have a mutual part?" I asked and the skepticism showed in my tone. 

   My aunt seemed to be grateful for the change of topic, not that she said anything about it. I could tell though by how her body and posture relaxed. 

"Kind of," She answered, "We've never been extremely close...she hung out with the wrong crowd in high school and I was a nerd, always focused on good grades. Even when were little, we were never close. We never fought either. Our mother used to get mad at us for treating each other like complete strangers instead of sisters."

"I see," I gazed out the side window and then cleared my throat, "But you guys are still close enough that you would take in her daughter...who also used to be an addict."

   My aunt nodded, "Just until she completes the rehab programme and gets clean, then you can go back to living with her."

"I was never living with her in the first place," I snorted and shook my head slightly, "I was living with Stella. It was just me and her. We weren't living with my mother."