Already Gone

Bad Liar

   I massaged my knuckled with my thumb nervously while I waited for Dr. Robbins to come back. 

   This couldn't be happening right now. I must have fallen asleep on the bus and now I was having a nightmare.

"How are you feeling?"

   I looked up to see Dr. Robbins standing by the door.

"Okay, I guess," I smiled weakly. 

   I wanted to ask her so badly. I needed the answer, even though I knew, I needed to hear it.

"Is everyone else dead? Everyone else who was on the bus I mean."

   Dr. Robbins didn't say anything but she started to walk over towards me and when she was standing by my hospital bed, she finally nodded slowly.

"Yes, they are," She said. "You're the only one who survived."

   It wasn't that I didn't already know that. I knew the moment I first asked Dr. Robbins about the others on the bus that they didn't survive, but it was only now it seemed real.

"They're dead," I breathed out and closed my eyes, "Why am I not dead?"

   I didn't expect an answer but Dr. Robbins still gave me one.

"You were the only one sitting on the right side of the bus so when it tipped, you didn't have as big as a fall compared to the others," Dr. Robbins told me.

"Were they alive when they came in?" I asked, looking up at her, "I mean, did they die on impact or what?"

   Dr. Robbins looked like she didn't really want to talk about this, maybe because she couldn't, you know with the whole patient confidentiality, though I wasn't sure if how much they suffered counted.

Or maybe she just didn't want to talk about dead people, that was definitely a possibility.

"They're dead and I got off with a broken knee and a couple of broken ribs," I shook my head, feeling guilty.

   Of all the people on the bus, I had to survive. It should have been the opposite. I should have sat on the left side while everyone else sat on the right. Maybe then I would be the only one dead.

   The image of the little boy's smile flashed through my mind and I sucked in a sharp breath as I replayed his body smashing into one of the bus windows right after.

"Is everything okay?" Dr. Robbins asked, concerned by my intense inhale.

No.

Everything wasn't okay.

   I nodded, "Yeah, no, I'm just remembering the accident."

"Okay, well," Dr. Robbins pushed lightly on my shoulder, forcing me to lean back, "You should be resting."

"I will be resting then," I promised, not sure how much of that promise I would be able to keep since I couldn't stay at this hospital for too long.

   Dr. Robbins was leaving the room when she suddenly stopped and turned back around to face me.

"Oh! By the way, I wasn't able to reach your mom," Dr. Robbins told me, though I already knew that, "The same guy picked up and he insisted that he doesn't know a Stella Taylor.

   Well, I wasn't Stella Taylor, but that wouldn't be why he doesn't know me.

   I furrowed my eyebrows, "I don't know, she didn't tell me she was changing numbers."

"Do you live in Seattle? An address maybe we can try to find her at?" Dr. Robbins asked.

   The thing with lying was that it really only made your situation worse. You were just digging yourself further down the hole.