Passionate Exchange

Chapter Twenty-Two

My chest grows tight until it becomes unbearable. Sob after sob wracks through me as I crumble against the door. Out of shame, I cover my face with my hands, hoping that if anyone were to wander past, they'd ignore me. I rub at my eyes furiously trying to stop the tears, but they keep coming. My eyes sting but I welcome the feeling, seeing it as a warning, a reminder to never let him hurt me again.

I release a shaky breath and look at the clouds above my head.

You've got this, Madison. Don't let him affect you. This is what I tell myself over and over again. He doesn't deserve to make me like this. I should never have got my hopes up in the first place. With this in mind, I pick myself up off the floor, scooping up my pride along with it.

I don't order a taxi this time, instead choosing to walk. I could use the fresh air to clear my head. Archer won't get any more tears out of me. I had that time to feel sorry for myself and now I've just got to forget about him. It's going to be easier said than done but I know that, with time, I'll be able to.

As I'm walking back to the house, relying on the comfort that it brings when Archer isn't there, I remember what Melissa told me. She said what men do never means anything and that I should just forget about the kiss. She couldn't have been more right. I should have listened to her in the first place instead of getting my hopes up only for them to come crashing down from one simple word...mistake.

That's all it is to him, a mistake that he has already forgotten about. Soon, that's all it will be to me too. I'll think back to this day and know that I deserve so much better. 

I deserve better but that doesn't mean that I want it.

"What are you doing, woman? Learn how to drive!" A man shouts as a woman in a little blue car nearly pulls out into the back of his. He flips her off before speeding away. My eyes meet hers, and she gives me an apologetic smile before driving away too.

I can't help but feel sorry for her, she had no idea that he was coming down the road. She had no idea what she was getting into. Anyone with eyes could see that what happened wasn't her fault. The man must have been doing nearly double the speed limit, yet he was the one who disrespected her, then drove off like he didn't do anything wrong. The man reminds me of Archer.

A droplet of rain lands on the tip of my nose. I look up when another one hits my forehead. My steps falter as I watch more and more droplets fall and hit the pavement. They hit my arms like tiny pinpricks.

I reach into my bag and pull out a grey hoodie that I always carry around for this exact reason, pulling it over my head and pushing my arms through the sleeves. It's collected a few stains over the years. It used to be my mum's. I wear it sometimes when I need to be reminded that she was real, that she wasn't just a figment of my imagination.

There's white paint on the cuff of the left sleeve from the time she took me to a painting class. Most of the parents sat out and simply watched their children from afar. My mum was different, she sat alongside me the whole time. She showed me how to do it properly instead of hitting the brush against the paper. I had so much fun that day.

My eyes scan over a pink thread on the pocket. She was sewing a hole in my school trousers. I was clumsy then and I'm still clumsy now. I dropped my pencil for the fifth time that day and bent over to get it. Long story short, my trousers split in front of the whole class. I was mortified. My mum knew exactly what to do and started sewing them back up. I was fascinated by her. She let me sew a pink thread into her hoodie. It looked terrible; it still does. But she wore it with pride.

There are a few more stains on it since I've been wearing it. There's pasta sauce on the hood from the time my dad and Sadie had a food fight. I tried my best to dart out of the way in time, but I failed and ended up with red splotches of tomato in my hair. I was annoyed about it at the time, but we laughed about it later that night.

It's good to know that the hoodie holds memories from before the accident as well as from after. At least rain doesn't leave a mark, I can simply wash my clothes and they'll be as good as new. There'll be nothing on this hoodie to remind me of this day. I couldn't be happier about that.

I finally make it back to the house. My clothes are dripping wet, so I throw them into the laundry basket before putting on a pair of leggings with an oversized t-shirt. Penny is in the kitchen doing dishes when I come back down. I greet her, starting to put away the clean plates and cutlery.

"Did you find him?"

I sigh deeply, wishing that I didn't. The only thing that finding him showed me was that he isn't who I thought he was. It made me realise how foolish I was to believe otherwise.

"Yeah," is all I say.

"I knew it," she moves her hand a bit too enthusiastically and splatters soapy water along the walls. "Oops." A small laugh rumbles through me as I shake my head in amusement.

"Did he tell you when he's coming back?"

"Nope," I answer plainly. Part of me wants to admit to her that he was too busy ripping my heart out to tell me, but I push that part back. There's no need to ruin the way she sees him too.

She dries her hands off on a towel and rests it on my shoulder. "I'm sure he'll come back soon; he always does." She tries to reassure me, but it does the opposite.

I don't ever want to see his face again. I know he has to come back at some point because he lives here. If I were weak, I would book the first plane ticket back home. But I know that if I do that, he wins. I'm adamant to stay here and not waste this opportunity over something so stupid as a kiss. I'll suck it up and prove to him that I don't care about what happened even though deep down I know I always will.

"I'm surprised he didn't tell you where he was going." I place the last spoon in the drawer. My eyebrows furrow at her words. Now, I give her all of my attention.

"Why would he tell me?"

"You've been spending more time together recently, that's all." She shrugs her shoulders before going upstairs, leaving me standing alone rigid with my jaw hanging open. I shake myself out of the daze and follow her into her room. We haven't been spending much more time together, have we?

"He spends more time with Tyler," I start, trying to understand why she'd think he'd tell me. "He never tells him anything." I don't know how long they've been friends for but I'm sure it's been a while. Tyler seems to have a lot of trust in Archer but, I don't know if he feels the same.

"It's different with you two though." She breathes.

What's that supposed to mean? I search her face for any meaning behind her words, but I don't find anything. It's only different because Tyler's his friend whereas I'm just someone who he has to live with. "Please be careful around him. I know how hard he can be on people and I don't want you to get hurt, especially not by him."

It's too late for that. That's what I want to say but I don't. She warned me the first day I got here about Archer and I didn't listen. If what happened has made me realise anything it's that I need to start listening to the people around me more. "Nothing's going to happen between us, we're too different." I play it off.

He made that clear in the apartment. "He's hurt a lot of people since..." I wait for her to finish her sentence, my curiosity growing with each passing moment. Only she never finishes it, instead, she says "never mind. What I'm trying to say is it would be a shame to watch him ruin you as well."

She switches on her TV and searches for a film as I continue standing in the doorway. What could that possibly mean? Since what? If Penny stopped herself from telling me then it must be something important. I slip under the duvet next to her and forget about everything that has happened today, allowing myself to get sucked into the fantasy world playing on the screen.