Passionate Exchange

Chapter Sixty-Five

I turn my music down, frowning when I hear banging downstairs. The banging is followed by exaggerated laughter that I recognise instantly. I sigh and head back towards the comfort of my room but stop in my tracks once Penny's voice fills my ears.

"Why are you on the floor?" She giggles.

Judging by the fact she only has two friends who she's comfortable with bringing to the house the person she's talking about could either be Brody or Madison. I doubt it would be my parents, considering they spend most of their lives working.

I know I should go back into my room and mind my own business, but I can't. The possibility that she could be talking about Madison overwhelms me and I involuntarily descend the stairs.

The sight in front of me is not what I was expecting. Madison's laid out on the floor with one arm resting over her eyes and Penny's gripping the other, dragging her towards me. I clear my throat to get their attention.

Penny's eyes snap to mine, narrowing instantly. A crease forms between my eyebrows at her sudden anger. What did I do wrong this time?

"Are you two drunk?" I ask. Madison groans. They definitely are.

Penny folds her arms across her chest, dropping Madison's in the process. She cradles her arm and pouts. I struggle to avert my attention back to Penny, wanting to watch the girl I can't have for as long as I can, but I do.

"I know what you did." She spits furiously. My confusion only grows at her remark. Then, I look between them both and it all makes sense. She must have told her. They haven't been on good terms recently so seeing them together can only mean one thing.

"She told you?" I start but shake my head. "Actually, never mind."

I go into the kitchen and fill two glasses with water. I hand one to Penny. She takes it reluctantly before drinking its contents. My gaze moves to Madison and I'm hit with all the emotions once again. I place the glass on the counter afraid that I'll drop it and go to her side.

It pains me to see her like this. I know that I'm the reason she's acting the way she is. She hasn't drunk a single drop of alcohol in her life until this very moment. Everything must have gotten too much for her to handle. First, I betrayed her trust and then she lost her friends too. All because of me.

I push the thought to the back of my head, choosing to focus on taking care of her now rather than reliving the fucked-up things I did to her before. I pick her up in my arms and it feels like all the air has been released back into the room. Holding her like this is what I've been longing for. Only in my head, she wasn't drunk.

Madison's eyes open lazily, and a smile takes over her features. "Thank you, kind sir." She slurs, her arms wrapping around my neck.

"Where are you going?" Penny asks, slamming the glass down onto the counter.

"I'm taking her to her room so she can sleep this off. She's a lot more drunk than you are." I point out with an eye roll.

Madison snorts, "drinking is fun."

I sigh deeply. That's what you think at first. It's all fun and games, something to take your mind off things, until you find yourself needing to consume it. You search all over for some sort of excuse and when you find one you drink until you forget it all. It's not fun. Not when the people you care about get hurt.

When we reach her room, she wriggles out of my arms and jumps face-first onto her bed, sinking into the cream duvet. I can't help but feel awkward about what I did and hover in the corner. She doesn't seem to mind me being here but then again, she's drunk, she probably doesn't care about anything.

I watch her, my heart aching at the sight, knowing that I need to leave. I don't deserve to be here. I did what I did for her and staying here like this is only making things harder. It has taken all of my strength to avoid her for this long. I can't turn back now.

She rolls over, staring at the ceiling. I can't take my eyes away from her. "Do you hate me?"

My gaze softens. I move closer, forgetting everything I just told myself. I sit at the edge of the bed afraid that if I go any closer, she'll realise what an asshole I am and kick me out. The time I have with her is only finite. I want to make every second count. I need this despite knowing she won't remember it in the morning.

"I don't hate you," I tell her.

She props herself up on her elbows. Her brown hair falls behind her shoulders. My hand itches to run my fingers through the soft strands.

She leans in towards me causing my breath to hitch in my throat. Her face is only inches away from mine. If I were to just close the distance, we- no.

"I hate you enough for both of us." Her words hit me hard, and I find myself struggling to breathe. She falls back onto the bed, grinning carelessly as if she hasn't just ripped my heart out of my chest.

I clench my jaw. I hate hearing those words come out of her mouth, but I hate myself even more for being the reason they are. This girl was so pure until I came into her life and tainted her. I don't even think hate was a word that existed in her vocabulary until I taught her the true definition of it.

I should never have started anything with her in the first place. It's only hurting us both. With her hands clasped over her stomach; she closes her eyes. "I lied; I don't hate you." A frown appears on her face. "I want to, but I can't. You're so goddamn frustrating."

My hand crawls towards her, wanting to touch her one last time but I stop myself. Knowing that she doesn't hate me yet dampens the aching of my heart. Against what I know is right, I lie next to her on the bed. We both stare at the ceiling, wanting to say so many things but not having enough words to say them.

"Look at me." She demands but I don't oblige. If I look at her my resolve will crumble, and she doesn't need that. "Archer." She breathes. Her fingers come into contact with my cheek as she tilts my face towards hers.

Every single feature of her face is so familiar to me. Her full lips that are so irresistibly soft I can never get enough, her upturned eyes that I find myself getting lost in every single time, and her freckles perfectly placed on every inch of her skin.

My eyes meet her cloudy brown ones. I notice the tears forming but she blinks them back, trying her hardest not to let them fall. I can't restrain myself any longer. I wrap my arms around her frame and pull her towards my chest. She fits perfectly. An alarm sounds in my head telling me that this is wrong, but I can't stop myself when it feels so right.

Truthfully, I've been thinking about what I did in London every single second of every single day. It's all I can think about. Her face flashes in front of me every time I close my eyes. She was so hurt by what I said. It makes me sick that I was even capable of saying it.

I regret it all.

With this in mind, as well as the fact that she's too drunk to remember this tomorrow, I start out of the blue, "her name was Beth."

"I don't care anymore, Archer." I can hear in her voice that she's given up. Not knowing what else to do, I get up and sit at the end of the bed. I keep my gaze glued to the wall across from me.

"Please," I beg, my voice laced with sadness. "Please, I need to say this."

I take her silence as an approval to continue. "I was sixteen at the time it all happened. Beth was my girlfriend. We hadn't been dating long but she trusted me completely. I always considered her trusting nature a blessing until one night I realised it was a curse." I pause, releasing a shaky breath. She's one of the first people I'm telling this, and it pains me to do so.

"Her trust in me cost her life."