Passionate Exchange

Chapter Fifty-Two

I groggily open my eyes at the feeling of a foreign weight dropping onto my chest, almost screaming when I come face to face with Sadie. Her hair's matted still from recently sleeping yet her eyes are wide open as if she's already had at least five cups of coffee. That's what Christmas does to children. It's like a caffeine buzz.

There's no light seeping in from under the curtains like there usually is which must mean it's still dark out. I can't decide whether it's three in the morning or eight. I hate it when winter comes along, and daylight savings start. Especially when we're at school, you spend most of the time that the sun's out in class.

"Wake up!" She whines, clutching onto my wrist. "It's Christmas!" She beams with a toothy grin, proceeding to jump on the bed, narrowly missing my body with her feet.

Knowing that she isn't going to let me sleep any longer, I throw the duvet off of me and sit up. My feet find their way into the comfort of my slippers as I wrap my robe around myself. My hands itch to pull the hood up, but I don't. I look bad enough as it is.

"How do you have so much energy?" I let out a tired groan.

She runs back over to me and grabs my hand, dragging me towards the door. "Hurry up, I can't wait any longer."

In her excitement to get downstairs and open her presents her grip on me loosens, allowing my hand to slip out of hers. She doesn't notice as she rushes down the stairs, holding the bannister. Are the Gods actually on my side today? Is this their way of apologising for all the embarrassment I've been through?

"I'll be down in a second," I tell her before going into the bathroom.

I look at myself in the mirror and am horrified at what I see. My chocolate brown hair's sticking up in every direction possible. I look like I've been attacked by gale-force winds in the night. My under eyes are dark and puffy, and I'm not even going the mention the drool on my cheek.

I quickly run a brush through my hair, wincing every time the bristles come in contact with one of the many knots. I grit my teeth as I push through the pain. There's no way I'm going downstairs looking like this when Archer's there. Once I've tackled my hair, I splash my face with water, brush my teeth, and slap my cheeks to get some colour back into them.

Darting back into my room, I grab the gifts that I wrapped before we left Portland from my closet before heading downstairs. Penny and Archer are already folding away their make-shift beds so there's room for people to walk. It's not surprising that they're awake at this time. Sadie probably came down and walked all over them.

I place the gifts under the tree before opening the living room curtains. A smile casts over my features when I see the blanket of snow. Excitement bubbles within me at the sight. I already can't wait to go out in it. I may have grown older, but I'll never grow out of this.

Sadie pushes her face against the glass and stares in awe. "Hey, dad. Look," She points a finger at the window, leaving a smudge in its wake. "It's snowed."

"It looks like we'll be having that snowman building competition after all." He chuckles with a steaming hot cup of coffee in his hands. It seems Christmas doesn't give him the same buzz as it does her.

"I bet I can build a better snowman than you," Archer mutters from behind me. His breath hits the shell of my ear, sending shivers running along my skin.

I turn around with a challenging glint in my eyes. "That's a dangerous bet to make when you're talking to the champion," I counter.

He chuckles softly. "We'll see."

*

Archer and I decide to go for a walk in the snow while my dad's cooking dinner. I tried to offer him my help, but he refused. He said that he's the chef here so we shouldn't distract him. It's always the same every year so I don't know why I even asked but it was worth a shot. He likes to have complete control when it comes to Christmas dinner. Plus, he has two guests who haven't tried his cooking yet. I think he thinks he needs to prove to them how good his cooking is.

And, true to his words, Archer did build a better snowman than me. It pained me to admit it aloud, knowing that he would hold it against me for eternity. I can already picture it. I'll be trying to convince him that I'm better at something ridiculous like baking a cake or hanging up a painting and he'll turn to me with menacing eyes, reminding me over and over again that he always wins. Building a better snowman than me is only adding fuel to the roaring fire that is his ego.

I'm not complaining though, while my dad cooks, it gives me time to be alone with him. Penny and Sadie were too busy playing the new board game I got her to even think about leaving the house so it's just the two of us.

"I love the snow," I announce as our feet fall into a steady rhythm side by side. I hold my hand out and watch as a snowflake lands on my palm. The frost tickles my skin slightly. "I used to go out in it all the time with my mum. She loved everything and anything to do with Christmas."

"Did your dad ever let her help him cook?" He asks with a chuckle.

I giggle slightly, a smile present on my features at the thought of my mum. "Sometimes."

I sigh deeply, deciding that I won't get a better chance than this to tell him what happened. I know it's not going to change anything, but I feel like I owe it to him to tell him. I want to be open and honest about my past and this is a huge part of it.

"She died when I was eight from a heart attack. Sadie was one at the time." I pause, releasing a shaky breath. I haven't spoken about this to anyone in a long time. It's not generally something that comes up in conversation. My voice feels like it's stuck in my throat like something is stopping me from saying it. The only thing stopping me is me.

As if sensing my unease, he wraps an arm around my waist, holding me against his side. Warmth seeps through my winter jacket. His touch is all it takes to calm me down. He gives me a reassuring smile.

Seeing him looking at me like this tells me all I need to know. He'd wait a thousand years for me to tell him if I wasn't ready. He'd comfort me through it all and whisper sweet nothings in my ear to distract me from the bad days. He wouldn't judge me or think of me any different. I'd be the same in his eyes.

I take a deep breath, newfound confidence growing in my chest from his gaze and continue. "She was on her way back from work when it happened. Apparently, the roads were empty so by the time someone found her it was too late." A lump forms in my throat but I ignore it, knowing that talking about it is a good thing. "We thought she was running late because she'd gone to the store on her way back but after a while, my dad started to get worried. Of course, I was only eight, so I didn't really understand it all. I watched him though when the police came to the door and he, um-"

Tears dwell in my eyes and I try my hardest to blink them away. I don't want him to see me like this. He pulls me tighter to his side. We've stopped walking now. He rests his head on mine and strokes my hair. The comforting gesture loosens the knot in my stomach.

"You don't have to tell me."

"No," I say with a sniffle, "I need to."

We stay in this position while I tell him the rest. Having him next to me comforts me. I wouldn't be able to get through this without him by my side. I'd surely crumble on the ground. His thumb rubs circles on my hips and I try to focus on that rather than what I'm telling him.

"He told me to wait in the room, but I didn't listen. He fell to his knees right in front of me. That was the first time I saw my dad like that. I always thought he was the perfect person who never got sad but now I know I was wrong. He just hid it from me. I don't blame him though; I wouldn't want my child to see me like that either. He didn't try to hide anything that day, he just hugged me and told me that everything was going to be okay, that she was in a better place. I like to think that she is."

Despite the weight of reliving the memory squeezing my heart tighter and tighter, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've never wanted to tell anyone about what happened to her until now. Until him.

Archer doesn't apologise like I expected him to.

When it happened, people heard about it at school. They all apologised for my loss because they didn't understand the pain of losing someone. They weren't going through it, I was. The apologies got repetitive after a while and I grew tired of them. I always wished that everyone could just forget it happened and go back to ignoring me. They did after a while.

Instead, he holds me against his chest, and I allow myself to let it all out in front of him.