ink - sirius black

artificial bubblegum and fake smiles

April 6, 1977
5:09 pm
Hogsmeade

On the surface, Anneliese hadn't changed much.

She was still argumentative and feisty. She still found ways to tease all of her friends whenever possible. She still was one of the fiercest players on the quidditch team, she still got more of a southern accent whenever she was annoyed.

She was still fine and happy and normal.

But on the inside, Anneliese was struggling with everything.

Yes, she still got mad over small, mildly amusing things. No, she didn't ever let it show when she was deeply hurt by something.

Anneliese was suddenly terrified, terrified that she was selfish and didn't think enough about others. Her whole life's already cracked frame had suddenly been violently smashed into dozens of pieces, all reflecting times when she had only been watching out for herself.

Whenever Remus was feeling down about his mysterious secret he was keeping from Leo, or Lily was struggling with Petunia, Anneliese was there. She was there to make sure that they were okay, because that was what was important.

Not her, because that was selfish and unfair.

When Sirius had written her that letter, he had promised to be there for her. But looking back when half the school had turned on Anneliese, he hadn't. Looking back to that green leather notebook, he hadn't.

And then even after he made that promise to her, he had broken it on the night when she needed him the most after Remus's rage.

Sirius had let her down, just like Regulus had warned her in what seemed like another lifetime.

But she couldn't say anything, because Anneliese didn't want to prove him right. She didn't want to invalidate his emotions, she didn't want to in any way make Black feel like his feelings didn't matter.

So on the surface, Anneliese was perfect.

She did everything right.

She was the perfect caring girlfriend that still knew how to keep Sirius's actions in line.

She was the perfect friend who was always there to listen and give the best advice she possibly could.

She was the perfect quidditch player who was unconditionally encouraging her team and doing her best.

She was becoming popular and well liked for the first real time at Hogwarts. She made Sirius happy, hell, she made all of the teenagers in her year happy. Everyone enjoyed hanging out with her.

But just a thin cut into her skin, she was so desperately not okay.

All of the problems of her past, she couldn't say. Not about the foster home, because that would just add onto Sirius's plate. Not about the mystery of her family, because that would take her attention away from her friends.

All of her fears were much smaller. She needn't worry about the trauma of abusive parents like Sirius or getting the girl like James, and being a muggleborn in the middle of a war was just something she pushed aside.

But she did want.

She wanted to give herself an incredibly painful tattoo but without the ink.

She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs about how angry and hurt she was.

She wanted to hit someone or something to get it all out.

She wanted to get some of that old strength back that Sirius had stolen from her.