cover you up

seven•her

As kids, Cassie and I used to forgive each other for anything and everything. Things that always seemed so big... we always just forgot, realizing it wasn't worth the fight.

Then when teenage years came upon us, I would steal her shirt and receive a half hour lecture, but afterwards Cassie would always give me a hug 'cause she hated being mad at me.

By the time we were in college it all seemed so... useless, all the fights. So we started sharing everything. We told everything to each other, so there was nothing to forgive. I guess I forgot how to fight somewhere between all of that, I forgot how to have a normal, healthy fight where you all get your feelings out without ripping out the others heart and then making up and having everything go back to normal. I can't remember how to do that.

I know all of the messed up things I've done. Yes, and I know I shouldn't have used finding out about Cassie's suicide against him, but in my defense, I felt like he was attacking me. He was doing that thing where he tries to know everything and I needed it to end, but now that he's not here I don't know how to feel. I mean shit, it's been two weeks.

Sometimes I forget why were fighting in the first place.

But the worst days are when I forget how his laugh sounds,

because I can honestly say

I think Eli's laugh could be the cure to all my sadness.

--

I'm closing alone tonight, then Aaron and I are going out to dinner. He found this new vegan resturaunt about two blocks down from where I work. It had been a busy night... well as busy as a music store can get, but it just cleared out considering we close in what is it, like two minutes? After I'm done locking up, I turn around and-

"Holy fuck!" I scream so loud I'm pretty damn sure the whole state could hear me. I didn't know anyone was standing behind me, so I was very shocked when I saw Gretchen, this girl Cassie and I were friends with in grade school.

"I'm so sorry! ...wait Elana?" Oh fuck shes going to recognize me and tell me I need to go back to 'God'.

"you look..." she started to say.

"like a devil worshipper?" I save her some spare time, knowing anyone from my old Catholic school would judge me looking like this.

"Oh, no, not at all! You look punk! I like it... I was going to say skinny." I couldn't help but laugh at her awkward attempt at calling me punk and shrug at her other comment. Nevertheless, I really hadn't noticed my weight loss that much or even cared.

"Oh, well thanks, and uhh i've been working out!" I lie straight through my teeth. Just one more lie. I promise no more, just this one.

"Really?" she eyes up my skinny stomach that is even noticable through my flimsy sunflower dress. I shrug again.

"I dont know, kinda."

"Hey, well, I now we haven't talked in so long and this is kind wierd, but I'm back in town so if you need someone you can call me." she jots her number down on a sticky note pad she grabs from her purse and hands it to me. "I'm serious Elana, I understand it's easy to lose yourself in times like these. So... call me." she gave me a quick smile, said her goodbye, and walked off. It was a weird situation to be put in but a sweet gesture at most, especially because I've never really done much for the girl.

When I walk to the restaurant I can't even think about anything other than Eli. I honestly feel so bad and he thinks he's done something wrong when in reality it's just me; fucked up me. The moment I reach the destination I gasp, there are beautiful lights tied around every inch of the black fence and the entrance has flowers growing on vines tugging at each tables' legs. It feels like a fairy tale. My mouth was wide open when Aaron appeared behind me and put his hands on my shouders.

"I know right." he said, making it seem as if he could easily read my thoughts.

"And my uncle is the head chef that's how we got in here." I turned around and hugged him tight with my arms around his neck.

"This place is fucking gorgeous. We're getting married here." I said jokingly. Me and Aaron?

"I know right! Dude it'd be great, you'd be wearing the tux and-"

"and you'd wear a dress. I think i'm in a better position here, lets do it! We'll be 'unconventional'.

Throughout dinner Aaron and I talked on and off for a while about our spectacular vegan wedding consisting of 36 roaming cats in flower crowns for 'hipster' effect. It was amazing. Now I finally understand why Cassie loved him so much. He's the second best friend I've ever had, well behind Cassie who will always be number one of course.

After we finished our delicious meal we decided to take a tour of the kitchen when some one started playing a cover of Lewis Watson's 'What About Today'. I squealed and dragged Aaron to come dance with me. This song helped me through some tough situations, which I realize in the moment were completely stupid. Nethertheless, I absolutely loved this song. When I was going through a bad break up it played on repeat for days. Despite the few bad memories that came with it, it reminded me of Cassie, I think everything does though, in the end.

Aaron and I danced for the whole song with my head on his shoulder but not a lovers dance, a brothers dance. He was like my brother.