cover you up

seventeen•her

"Cassie drove off a bridge... about three months ago." I felt a familiar break in my heart, a rip that kept tearing slowly, digging out every happy memory. But it felt like deja vu, something inside me felt as though I had known this. Eli kept his hand over mine and it also felt familiar, but I don't know how. Eli was an extra in my life. I've met him on occasion a few times, during celebratory drinks, nights out, I remember him bringing home Cassie on our campus tour. I remember him and Mikey sitting in our living room playing video games while Cassie and I watched. But he wasn't a big part of my life.

Then something finally kicked and I suddenly remembered the creases of his palms, the retainer he still has to wear each night, the curve of his smile, his hands on my hips, and his lips on my skin.

Aaron is supposed to take Gretchen on a date on Tuesday night.

My mother hates me, and I am only allowed to see my brother once every month or so.

My sister had killed herself because she had no hope. And suddenly I was losing mine.

A hand under my chin lifting my head to look into eyes that felt like home. Brushing away tears I didn't know had formed.

"Babe? Come back to me?" With those gentle words he spoke, tears freely flowed out. I gripped his face tight with both my hands and tugged it to mine. I kissed him hard, only tasting salty water but feeling every intense emotion that had built in my mind pouring into this kiss that had only lasted for thirty seconds.

But damn that kind of passion drove me breathless when I pulled away.

"I missed you..." I said simply.

"God, let's get you the fuck out of here so you can miss me some more." He winked before climbing into the side of the bed, getting in a position like a tiger who's ready to pounce. His cheeks flushed and his smile wide, he pulled back and jumped on top of me and tickled my waist and thighs leaving me giggling and in a vulnerable state. He kissed my neck up and down while still tickling me.

"You horny bastard! Get off me!" I said between giggles. I wanted him to touch me, I wanted to touch him, and to be honest his playful bites on my collar bones were really turning me on. I lightly pushed him off of me and he smiled all the way to his eyes.

"We are in a hospital for God's sake Eli!" I said still recovering and panting.

"Let's be punk! Let's break the rules! Save pop punk!" He held up a rock and roll sign but I just pushed it down.

"Babe, your dork is showing." I commented and chuckled slightly at him trying hard to frown.

We settled down and he laid next to me. We spent about a half an hour in silence. Holding hands and just staring at each other taking in how amazing it was that we found each other and that we're together. And it finally started to feel like there wasn't any more obstacles, until I remembered why we were here.

"Eli..?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm anorexic?" He looked at me with sympathy.

"I think anorexic is just a word. And that it doesn't define who you are. But babe, you haven't been eating, and I need you to. Because I don't want you coming back here." I sniffled in struggle. I knew it was what I needed to hear but basically he was saying that I was anorexic, and it made me hate myself.

"You are beautiful, and intelligent, and kind, and you're mine. I will never ever ask you to be perfect because you're as close as it gets, but please for me? Please help yourself."

My doctor made him leave soon after. Then he weighed me, a whopping 90 pounds! I never cared much about my weight and it's hard to show people that now. I just cared about staying fit. I guess that doesn't count though when they've already diagnosed you and recommend that you see the therapist on floor two.

BMI tells the doctor that I'm underweight in most every catagory. They don't believe me when I insist that I've eaten.

It narrows down to the point where people stop caring about your bullshit and shove food in your face.

It felt wrong in my stomach, like it didnt deserve to be there.