cover you up

ten•him

When its four in the morning and you find yourself crying in your mothers kitchen you know something has gone terribly wrong in your life.

My body is shaking and I can't feel my mothers hand on my shoulder, but I know it's there.

"I cant handle the idea of her h-hating me mom." She sighed, crouching in front of me.

"Son, this woman has gone through more pain than you can imagine, she's suffered so much loss. You have to remember that. She's guarding herself from more pain and you can help her you just have to break through that shell of hers. She needs someone even if she says she doesn't. Keep at it, don't let her push you all the way away." my mother spoke in her most calming voice. I knew she was right. I just didn't know how I could do that.

"Th-thank you mom, I better go... before dad comes home." I say, my shaking lessening almost all the way.

"Come home any time. I can take care of your father if you need anything. Just come to me." she smiled and hugged me tight.

Sometimes all it takes is a hug.

I drove out of the driveway and to what I thought would be my house, instead my mind drifted. I thought about my brother and sister and my shitty father and all the things I've done wrong and somewhere in the back of my brain I lead myself to somewhere else. Not my house but hers. Sitting in my car for fifteen minutes with the music on low, I couldn't find my way out of car. The only thing I could this was, what do I do now? My feet aren't giving up yet, they walk up the small stair case that leads to Elanas apartment. I know the code from when Cassie lived here so I see myself indoors and out of the suffocating rainy weather.

The stairs feel different. Or maybe it's my feet that feel heavier?

When did they kick the heat up so high in here?

When did they put that handle there?

I knew all the answers to those questions; I'm crazy. I was not emotionally prepared for this. Still, my body kept inching towards her door. She was my magnet. I took a deep breath in and held up my fist to knock when it opened. A girl stood on the other side, someone I recognized from the bonfire.

"Elana! Someone's here to see you!" She shouted backwards into the room, then chuckled when looking at my nervous expression.

"Kay, hold on!" we heard Elana yell grumpily from her bedroom. I looked around awkwardly glancing at small things in her apartment. She barely had much furniture. Her apartment contained a small coffee table that laid on a rug, a few little seats around it, and one big couch, but that was about it. There was Chinese food boxes scattered, she's eating. I smiled wide at that and the girl just nodded.

"Yeah... I did that." She said grinning.

"Thank you." I said softly because I couldn't do that and I'm so happy some one else could.

"So, you must be Eli." I nodded kinda confused how she knew my name and why she was here.

"I'm Gretchen an old friend from grade school. Listen, I know Aaron won't have this talk with you so I guess I have to... Elana is precious." I nodded, agreeing silently. "So that means she can break easy. Listen, I'm in no position to run her life but I think it's best if she's only around people that will build her up. She trusts you, so don't take advantage of that." I blushed. I felt like this was a 'dad talk' but she just punched my arm.

"I know. I have only respect for her." Gretchen walked to the other side and into the kitchen as Elana walked out with tired eyes. Still in sweat pants, she looked adorable... but angry. Adorably angry.

"It's like five in the morning what the fuck are you doing here?" She exasperated.

"Can we uh... talk in your room?" She nodded and led me to her room. it was a huge room with big patterned beautiful drapes covering two huge windows, unlit candles in every space. There was stacks of books and a huge bed with a really nice bedspread. I noticed all the small details in the room because it's so like her and I loved that.

"I'm turning the lights off cause I want to go back to bed after you leave." She said with an annoyed expression, not looking me straight in the eye.

"We need to talk about Cassie." I said bluntly. She sighed, crawling back into her white sheets. I sat down on the foot of her bed.

"What about her? If you didn't notice, she's gone." She's never used the word death when talking about her sister. It's almost like she can't believe it's real because it hurts her so much just to say it.

"When you were gone that year, when she was here all alone. She was as bad as you are right now."

"Bad? Nothing's wrong with me Eli. It's 5am and I need sleep." Her voice spoke in a grumpy tone.

I crawled up onto her bed and pulled the covers from her face. Her eyes looked watery, just the subject of her sister put tears in her eyes. I climbed closer to her and put my hand on her cheek. My thumb caught the only tear that fell.

"Please don't lie to me El." I said keeping my voice sweet and low, but this is where she thinks I'm taking advantage of her vulnerable state and freaks out. She threw the covers off of her and jumped out of bed.

"I'm not lying to you Eli! I'm fine... I'm perfectly fucking fine for the first time in over a month and I have you to thank for that. So thank you. You being out of my life was what I needed all along. So please leave so you don't screw it up again." She was lying to me. I knew it, I knew it in my heart because if meeting her was the best thing to ever happen to me how could it be her worst? It didn't add up. I sat at the end of her bed running my fingers through my hair.

"Stop! Stop pushing me away. I care about you. I'm not some asshole that fucked you over. I'm Eli, me. The guy that for just a few brief weeks you trusted and had fun with. The guy that has been here for you the whole time! I'm in it for you. I came here to help you. I'm here for you." My body remained in the same position, not looking up just yelling at the ground. I heard sniffling and stood to see Elana shaking. I went up to her and wrapped my arms tight around her body. Underneath me she cried and sobbed repeatedly saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" and every single time I'd kiss her forehead. After a while she wormed out of the hug. But before she did I saw an envelope on her window sill with my name written in cursive. I walked over to it, about to pick it up when she grabbed my wrist.

"You should leave." she says making me frown, I point to the letter.

"Eli is what my mother calls me." She said, pronouncing it like Ellie. I shook my head and reached again, this time her grip was more forceful.

"I need to sleep Eli." I sighed turning around before I left she crawled back into her bed.

"Can we be okay again?" She nodded. my stomach fluttered and I closed her door. Skipping as I exited.