Dragon Lover [Book 1 In The Dragon Series]

26.Guilt

I woke with a groan. My whole body hurts like a motherfucker. I looked around an saw that I was in my room. How did I get here? Oh yeah Zander must of carried me. I felt like I needed a shower. I was taking a nice relaxing hot shower until it hit me. I killed someone. Oh my God I killed someone. I took someone sons life. I took some ones brothers life. I took some ones lovers life. I can't believe I did something like that. I didn't realize that I had start crying.

I Slid down the shower wall as I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt and fear. I felt like I was in a black hole and it could just gobble me up but it feels like it's calling to me. Weird? I Know.
Thoughts swirled around my head. Will a be good enough? Will they hate me? Why don't I just die? Nobody will ever want me. I will die alone. Why is my life so complicated? Why can't I just live a life drama free?

I didn't care if he was trying an kill me. I didn't care if he took another life. The thing I care about is that I killed him with my bare hands. I took my pent up rage out on him. A poor soul, maybe not pure but that's not the point. What would Zander think about me now? I don't think I can face him. What would Chase and Lium think of their sister. You know what's the scary part about everything, is that a part of me loved the feeling of killing. And I don't know if I can control it. I know that part of me isn't exactly Dimond but it is Dimond and that terrifies me. I know Dimond will never intentionally hurt our family. But it's truly terrifying to see you're self killed a person because you don't have control of you're anger. When I fought Sam I totally forgot everything that father taught me for my anger. I just lost control of everything.

*Bang*
*Bang*
*Bang*

"Jasmin open the fucking door before I break it down." Zander yelled. I didn't say anything only feeling the water getting colder. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, all I could do I was sit and cry. Zander burst through the door with a worried look. When he saw I was naked. He off the water then put a towel around me, then carried me bridal style to the room, I clung to him like a koala because I was freezing cold. We didn't talk while I put clothes on. I don't know what to tell him as we sat on the bed. I just hugged him.

 "I-I killed someone." I Stuttered in his embrace.

"I know love." He whispered in my ear.

"Why don't you hate me for it?"

"That's not what mates do, they are supposed cherish their mates and I don't care if you killed someone, I have my fair share of demons in the closet so I can't judge you." He said.
I jumped on him sobbing. What have I done to deserve him. All my life I thought I would never find someone that truly wanted to be with me just for me. But I was so wrong. All the nasty thoughts are gone now thanks to Zander. I hope those thoughts never come back. I looked in his green eyes that has specs of blue in them. They are so hypnotizing. I looked at his pale smooth skin. I looked at his sharp jaw line. I'm sure my eyes have want in them. He looked at me back with the same intensity. I don't know when we started leaning in but the next I know is his lips are on mine. I sat there like a statue not knowing what to do. Before I know it his lips left mine.

"I'm so sorry I know yo-"
I cut him off by smashing my lips into his. He responded fairly quickly. He kissed me with so much passion that I thought I would faint. I warped my arms around his neck while his hands went down to my waist. He pulled me closer if that was even possible and now I'm straddling him.

All to soon we pulled apart for air. His forehead was on mine and he was looking intently into my eyes and I was his.
"Waoh." He whispered. I nodded not being able to speak because I would become a babbling mess.

"We should do that more often. " He said and I again just nodded .

"I'm sorry for not telling about Ace and the training." I whispered with tears glistening my eyes

"Shhh It's okay." I mumbled

"No it's not from now on I won't keep any secrets from you."

"You should sleep we have a long day a head of us." That's all it took him to say for me to sleep.

I open my eyes thinking I would see Zander next to me but he wasn't and I wasn't in my room. I looked around and all I could see was fire. It was everywhere. The smoke didn't affect me and I don't know why. I couldn't even feel the heat. Where the hell I'm I? I asked myself.
I looked everywhere for a sign to tell me where exactly I'm at but all the clues are all in flames. I looked for a place that didn't have fire for me to run. But everywhere was covered in fire.

"Hello?!" My hoarse voice shouted .
I know I might not get a reply back but better be safe than sorry. I closed my eyes, hoping that when I open my eyes I will see Zander. But When I open my eyes, I didn't see fire. In fact I couldn't see at all. It was pitch black. *Woosh* I heard something pass close by me and it gave me goosebumps. "Who's there?!" I turned around looking everywhere for the thing that passed me.

I heard deranged laughter in the dark. I didn't know which direction it was coming from because it sounds like it's everywhere. Then suddenly its stops. It is so eerily quite that you can hear a pin drop. I can hear my heart beating like its a speaker. And I don't really think that's a good thing. Before I could venture out I see Zander. And he is pouring gasoline on himself. "Zander what the hell are you doing?!" I screamed desperately.

"Oh you know, I'm just putting some gas on me, for me to catch on fire. " He said Casually.

"Why the hell would you want to do that." I was so desperate for him to stop what he was doing, I didn't notice the lighter in his hands.

"Please Zander don't do this." By this time I'm particularly begging.

"To late." He said, then he dropped the lighter on the ground where he made a pool of gas.

"No!" I screamed.

"Jasmin?! What happened? " I see Zander beside me.

I took a deep breath before I said anything I will regret.
"Zander I want you promise me something. " I looked at him teary-eyed.

"What is it love?" He asked.

"Don't do anything rash tomorrow." I begged.

"Okay I promise but if anything happens to you then I will break that promise." He said tenderly.

"Okay." I said then fell back to sleep where mom was waiting for me.

word count:1252

Edited:28-07-22