Behind These Eyes

Chapter 41~Shay Dixon

May fifth. The day of the trial. I'm just thankful I'm not eighteen yet. The worst I can get is probably juvie.

Cole on the other hand...if the trial had been a couple weeks earlier, he would be safer. Will Cole end up in jail? Should I even care what happens to him at this point?

I enter the courtroom with my personal lawyer, Whitney Young. I scan the room for familiar faces.

There's Judge Cheryl and the prosecutor, Michael White. Peter Sullivan stands by Cole as his lawyer. Jesse's parents are by the prosecutor, looking worried. I'm surprised to see Sasha in the room and, a few rows behind her, Sadie.

Cole's parents, brother, and sister all sit behind Cole, near the front. My mom and sisters are all sitting near the middle.

I haven't seen Cole since I broke up with him. I stayed inside my house, claiming to my teachers that I was only preparing for the trial. Some of them seemed to understand. Others pointed out that I can still do my schoolwork and they sent me the lessons. Lucky for me, it wasn't that much work really.

That didn't stop Cole from trying to contact me though. He came by my house a few times. Each time, my mom sent him away, telling him I was sick. That didn't stop him from calling me at least three times and sending me several text messages. Not once did I text him back. I didn't know what to say.

I pull out my phone reread them.

Cole: Please let me explain.

Cole: It's not as bad as you think.

Cole: I would rather tell you in person.

Cole: I get why you're mad, but at least give me one more chance to explain my side of the story.

Cole: I would NEVER hurt you on purpose.

Cole: Sasha's a manipulator

Cole: Meet up with me at Dominoes, 8:00pm, I'll wait all night if that's what it takes.

I hadn't met up with him. I wondered if he really waited all night. I jump when I feel a hand on my arm.

"Put your phone away." Whitney mutters. "It looks bad and believe me child, you're going to need all the help you can get."

A wave of pure dread crashes into me, making my heart beat twice it's normal rate. "Do you really think it will be that bad?"

"It's a murder, Shay. Of course this won't be easy to get out of despite it being self-defence. It's best that you say as few words as possible, let me talk for you when you aren't specifically asked."

I hear the bang of the gavel and all the whispering stops at once. Judge Cheryl motions for Mr. White to start.

"We are gathered here today," Mr. White starts, "to witness the murder trial of Jesse Holland. Jesse was 18 and attended Mount Baker High School. He was captain of the basketball team and participated in many sports-in school and out."

Mr. White takes a moment to clear his throat. "I would like to start by asking Miss Dixon and Mr. Chambers some questions."

I tense up and check Cole's reaction. He is staring straight at me, looking surprisingly calm. I turn my attention to Mr. White and Judge Cheryl instead. Mr. White leans forward in his seat and starts firing questions at us.

"Before the fight that killed Mr. Holland, did you, Mr. Chambers, say anything to Jesse? What started the fight?" Mr. White begins.

Cole sits up a little straighter. "Jesse pulled me aside after basketball practice. He told me to get away from Shay, saying that I shouldn't date his ex-girlfriend."

Mr. White turns to me, he looks me over before asking, "Miss Dixon, we're you in a relationship with Mr. Holland?"

I swallow back a lump in my throat, rubbing the sweat from my palms on my jeans, hidden under the table. "Yes sir. I broke up with him on January 15th."

He leans forward, his eyes pricked with interest. "Did Cole ask you out?"

"Yes, March 11th."

"And you said..."

I look downward and then at Cole. He looks like he's reliving the moment I rejected him. I don't want to voice his rejection. Before I say anything, Cole speaks up.

"She said no."

Mr. White shoots Cole with what might be a sympathetic look and then looks at me. I nod in confirmation.

"Now, Mr. Chambers, do you know for sure that Jesse tried to kill you?"

Cole nods. "Yes sir, he pulled out a pocket knife and tried to slit my throat. He also attacked Shay when she stepped in."

The jury seems surprised but Mr. White only turns to me and asks, "Miss Dixon, why did you step in?"

"Jesse had a knife at Cole's throat and I didn't want him to..." I trail off, the words clogged in my throat.

Mr. White nods, not needing me to continue on. Instead he turns back to Cole. "Mr. Chambers, it appears you're on medication. Might I ask what for?"

I look back at Sasha who is staring blankly ahead. I see, in the corner of my eye, Cole staring at me. I can't look at him right now though.

"Bipolar disorder, sir."

Why didn't he ever tell me?

"Did you take your medication the day Mr. Holland was killed?"

Cole nods. "I never don't take it."

"How do you plead to the murder of Jesse Holland?"

Cole's voice comes out strained. "Guilty."

Whitney takes the rest of my questions as Peter does for Cole. We've said our share and now we just watch and wait. There were no witnesses so this makes the trial move a bit faster.

Finally, Judge Cheryl bangs her gavel for the last time. "Case closed. Cole Chambers and Shay Dixon, you are both found guilty of third degree murder. It was self-defence, therefore no crime has been committed. Seeing as there is no crime, there is no punishment. Good day." At that, Judge Cheryl stands up and walks away from the front.

Relief goes through me and I take a step in Cole's direction before stopping myself, I almost forgot about our breakup.

Instead, I thank Whitney before finding my mom and sisters. I scan the room and find Sadie alone, stricken with grief. I debate about going over to her but then think better of it. I'm probably the last person she wants to see at the moment.

Sasha stands near the back, on the phone with someone. Her face seems indifferent, like it always does.

My mom pulls me into a hug. "Thank God they didn't punish you, I'm the only one allowed to do that." She laughs and I hug back, a part of me wishing it was Cole though. Even after all he's done.

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