Residues

Chapter 6

I started hanging out more at Rihan's place. I don't know I felt responsible for taking care of him and making sure that he is not too lonely or sad. And he was there so close to my house. That was the least I could do.

"Why did your parents name you Rihan?" I asked him, biting into a KFC leg piece. (Swiggy Order) "I mean it's a very post-modern name for someone our age."

"They may have thought it is cool." He said. "I never asked them. Why did your parents name you Ishika?

"My dad found it from a baby name book." That was what I was told.

"Do you like your name?"

"Hm... I don't. Really... I mean. I like 'Ishi' more than 'Ishika'. Somehow 'Ishi' feels more 'Me' than 'Ishika'."

"I hate my name." He barked.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's so South Bombay." He says with a disgusted face. I laugh. "Don't laugh..." he hit my shoulder. But I kept laughing. It was after a long while that I was laughing so openly like this...

I visited Suhani too.

I mean, I hated her. But she is my best friend too. And it is not me who she cheated on.

She was a mess too. She had developed a cold in the past few weeks. She sniffled and blew into an old kerchief and put down some old looking biscuits and black tea for me. "Sorry coffee powder is finished." Sounding sick with a cold. "And no milk."

"It's okay." I took a biscuit. It had gone soft.

"I thought you will never speak to me." She said.

"I thought so too," I whispered.

We remained in silence for a while. Then she asked, "So...How is he?"

I wanted to yell at her that if she was this concerned about Rihan she would not have done this to him. But I did not. "He is okay," I said. Then I felt I said the wrong thing. "I mean he has been better. But he is recovering. Vishwa and I keep him company."

Suhani nodded. And sniffed again and wiped her nose with the kerchief.

"Did you see a doctor?"

"No." She said.

"Why? See a doctor." I said.

She was not looking at me and was looking at the floor. "Ishi," she called me in an ominous tone. I felt whatever she was going to say was not going to be good.

"Hm?" I said.

"Siddharth may come in a while. Just letting you know. In case you want to leave."

I never thought she could be this senselessly selfish and cold. She was not like this. I did not know what to say to that.

"So... Are you with him now? Like dating him?" I asked.

"I am." She said.

She looked at me and I may have looked confused. So Suhani said, "I like him a lot." She looked away from me. "He joined my company a year back. And he was playfully flirting with me. He knew I was in a relationship. But still... I may have been a safe space – older 'didi' kind of person to have some light-hearted, no meaning nonsense teasing with." She had a smile on her face as she spoke of the guy. A sad smile, but still a smile.

"At first everything was just a joke, innocent teasing... I don't know when it became serious..." She wiped her nose.

"Did you properly go with him to a place and had...? Like intending that? Without thinking about Rihan at all?"

"No. It happened after an office party. Siddharth dropped me home. Ri was out of station. When he went to Indor two months back."

My eyes went wide. "Here? In this house?"

She nodded. "So... I am letting him move in. I felt Sid should be here than Ri. I could not stand sleeping in the same bed with Ri after that incident. Felt like backstabbing."

"That night, Sid dropped me home and he was thirsty and I asked him to come up. We were talking and then we ended up kissing. He realised the mistake in a few minutes and backed off. He was going to go away. But 'I', 'I' held him back. I pulled his shirt sleeve and... I wanted him to stay. I wanted it not to end."

I was listening now. It felt like Suhani really, really wanted a friend to listen to her side of the story, no matter how unethical it was, it was her reality, and she needed a friend to hear her side.

"It felt like a glass of still water that had been sitting for a while got stirred finally. I liked it. Sid's touch. His urgency. His need for me. It was a long while since I last experienced that. Because things had got so comfortable. So natural. So mechanical..."

Is Vishwa right after all??? Did sexual dissatisfaction lead to this? I guess most cheatings occurs from some sort of dissatisfaction with your original partner.

"So you don't love Rihan anymore?" I asked.

"I will always love Rihan. For life. It's not a choice I can make."

I don't know much about relationships. Relationships seem so difficult. So complex.

Chapter 6.5

"Life sucks"

- Ishi chants one random evening.

"Yup. Life definitely sucks," I say.