Residues

Chapter 28

I had a dream. Yash and Rihan stood side by side. They were even wearing the same clothes – a white shirt, black pants. They were standing in the sky. And they both extended their hand to me. "Come..." they said. And I looked between the hands. And I was unable to choose.

"You betray me?" Yash ask...

"I love you," Rihan said...

And I was still so unable to choose between them.

The calling bell was ringing. Again... I felt so tired. I just wanted to sleep. So, I felt annoyed at the calling bell.

I got up and opened the door. Rihan.

"You did not see her?" I asked. He can't avoid her forever.

"I saw her." He said.

"And?"

"And I came back." He said simply.

I wanted to ask more. But I felt tired. So I went back to my bed and lay down. Rihan came following me, sat near me and touched my cheeks with the back of his palm. "You are still feverish."

I turned away and went back to sleep.

When I woke up sometime in the middle, I could see him in the kitchen. I woke up hearing him talk. He was on a phone call. "I know Ma that I need to put dal and rice. But how much?" Pause. "Mm... Okay. And how many teaspoons of salt and how many teaspoons of chilli powder."

I slept off again.

"Ishu..." He shook me. "Ishu, get up and eat... You need to take medicines after."

He helped me sit up. I was still angry or something with him. I don't remember why. Also, I don't know why he is here and not at Suhani's. "Eat." He held up a spoonful of khichdi for me.

I took the spoon from him and at it myself. It was tasty. Maybe he put butter in it.

He gave me the medicines. I ate them. And then lay back to sleep.

By the night, I was feeling better. The fever seemed to have reduced. And I felt hot and sweaty. But Rihan increased the speed of the fan and sat down beside me. He came closer to measure my temperature. He touched my forehead and smiled.

I lay back down. He climbed onto the bed with me. And put one hand around me. He seemed hesitant. Probably because I was mad at him...

But I needed comfort. I turned to him pulled his other hand and lay in his favourite spooning position. He smiled and settled his head on my neck. And snuggled closer.

When I woke up the next day, Rihan was still asleep. Usually, he is the early bird. It felt fascinating to watch him sleep. I traced my finger over his eyebrow. He woke up. So, I pretended to sleep.

He jumped out of the bed and grabbed his phone. "What time is it?" he asked. I had asked for 3 days leave. So, I was okay. So, I kept on pretending to sleep. I felt his hand on my forehead. So, I opened my eyes. He smiled and rubbed his thumb over my temple, in a rather affectionate way. I felt that familiar quiver inside.

Later I heard him apologise to his boss and ask for leave for the day.

He was washing dishes after a brunch. I was too sick to think straight before. But now... I wanted to know why he is here instead of it Suhani's. And if he chose me over her then why... But above all, I wanted to express my feelings of love and gratitude that he came here, he chose me... even if that did not make sense to me right now.

So, I walked to him and hugged him from behind. Pressed my head to his back. He paused. "Hey..." his voice came out surprised. He was trying to talk to me all this while. But I reminded silent. "What's wrong?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"I can't wash dishes if you do this though." He said with a chuckle in his tone.

"How is Suhani?" I asked.

He freed my hand and turned around. "She is fine." He said.

"But..."

"No, Ishi. She is actually really fine. Vishwa lied to us."

Oh! So that is why he is here. Because she is not unwell. I am... He dried his hands on a towel and touched my cheek. "But I am not here because of that." He said as if he read my mind. "I am here because I chose you."

I took a second to let that sink in...

"Why?" I asked. Why is it me not her?

He just shrugged. "Because this is me."

"Because you want to be faithful and committed to me?" I asked. "This is not a duty..."

"Ishu," He grabbed my hand. "I want to be with you..."

And he looked sincere. And it felt wrong to push him away. And it was not like I was not happy that he is here. That he chose me over Suhani. It just did not really make sense in my head. But I wanted to feel reassured.

"At least for now?" I asked.

"No. If possible... forever."

And my eyes opened wider.

"Why?"

"I can never be the same with Suhani. Things cannot go back to how it was before. What I missed about her, what I yearned for and what was left of my feelings for Suhani was the remnants of what we had. But what we had is in the past. And we can never go back to that before. Also

I told you I cannot be friends with you if we break up, right? And that I can be friends with Suhani. But I can't think of being friends with you because I love you as a woman now. A lot. If I go to Suhani... Half of my heart will be here with you. No... More than half of my heart...

And that will be unfair to her. And that will be unfair to me. And to you."

He held my hand firmly. "So, I request you... Don't send me away. I need you. I love you, Ishu."

I blinked.

"And Suhani?"

"We can be friends with Suhani. Right?" He asked. "or we don't need to. Just forget it."

I chuckled. He tried to kiss me. I backed off. "I have a fever."

"I don't care." He kissed me. And I closed my eyes.

Chapter 28.5

I love her

I will stand with her and work hard to convince people why it is her...

And why it will be her forever...