please don't take my sunshine away...

Chapter Twelve.

Playlist Song: Remember That Night, Sara Kay's

i forgot about this chapter but omg guys you are either going to kill me or bring me back from the dead. y'all lilo fans are gonna like it tho. i actually did not.

Fall 2015

    "Whatever chains are holding you back,
holding you back, don't let em' tie you down
Whatever chains are holding you back,
holding you back, tell me you believe in that," I belt the lyrics into the large venue. The other boys join in around me.
"What a feeling to be right here beside you now
holding you in my arms.
When the air ran out and the sparks started running round
the sky fell down," we all harmonize perfectly and the crowd cheers around us.
"But you've got stars, they're in your eyes
and I got something missing tonight," I look beside me and see Niall singing the lyrics loudly in a lower key than I am.
"What a feeling to be right here beside you, somehow
I wish I could be there now
I wish I could be there now," the music fades out slowly and we all stand there looking out at the sea of directioners.

The crowd screams loudly making my ears ring. Louis and Liam are goofing off at the front of the stage while Niall is taking a water break next to them. Louis' hair is messy and his face is covered in sweat but he still looks beautiful. I smile and watch as Louis wraps his arm around Liam's shoulders and puts him in a headlock. I continue talking to the crowd and watch them out of the corner of my eye.
"I hope all of you had a great night and got home safe!" I yell with the mic up to my lips. I talk about all the different ways that people could be getting home and wish them all good luck. Then the crowd starts to scream really loud and I smile and look back over at the rest of the boys with a smile.

    I watch as Liam pulls Louis in and then their lips crash together. My smile drops and my heart sinks. The second the moment happens it's over and Louis says something in Liam's ear then they both laugh. He walks over and blows kisses to the crowd. I try to keep my cool the rest of the show but my heart aches by the time we get off the stage. The second I step into the small building I run over to my room to grab my stuff and then run over to the bus to try and not meet up with Lou on the way. I feel a lump form in my throat and my lungs feel constricted but I stay as calm as I can. When I get on the bus I look out the window and see Louis and Niall walking over. I sit down on the couch and look at my phone.

    Louis is laughing when he gets on the bus. The laugh that used to make me smile unconditionally now makes me cold to the point where I shiver in my seat. I keep my eyes on my phone and carelessly scroll through instagram not focusing on anything except the laughs and slight conversation around me.
"I'm gonna go to bed," I hear Niall say and then I hear Louis walk over to me. He sits down next to me and his familiar smell hits my nose. He places one hand on my knee.
"Hey," he says softly, placing the other hand on my head and playing with my hair. My heart feels the urge to lean in to him but my mind says otherwise. I stay quiet.
"Are you ignoring me?" he says jokingly, shoving me slightly.

    I stand up and his hand is pulled from my knee.
"I'm gonna go to bed," I say, avoiding his sharp eye contact.
"Okay," he says quietly. I see him look down at his watch and then stand up with me.
"I'll go too."
"Night guys," Liam says, getting on the bus and going straight to his bunk. I stay silent and stare at the ground but I hear Louis say goodnight back to him. When me and Louis get over to my bunk I take off my shirt and climb up the ladder and into the small bed. I roll over and face the wall as I listen to the sound of him getting ready and then feel him lay down next to me lightly.

    He rubs my arm trying to get me to turn around.
"What's the matter darling?" he asks, kissing my shoulder where the large black heart tattoo is. My skin tingles from his touch.
"Why don't you go sleep with Liam?" I say rolling over and looking at him in the eyes with a questioning look. He sighs and rubs his hand down his face. I glare at him.
"Harry," he says softly. "That didn't mean anything. It was an accident," he put his hand on my cheek. I brush it away. I ignored the hurt in his eyes and turned away from him.
"You can't honestly think that I would do something like that on purpose?" he says questionly.
"It's not something you haven't done before," I mumble.
"When Harry?" he says, getting irdable.
"Oh I don't know, Eleanor!" I say climbing over him and out of bed.
"Oh my god Harry," he says, following me into the sitting room.

"We both know that that was a stunt! You can't think that!" he says waving his hands in the air as he does.
"Louis," I say looking him straight in the eyes for the first time since the kiss. "I understand the reasoning behind the whole Elanour thing, but Liam? Really?"
"I can wake him up and ask him what his opinion is about it but Harry you are being delusional! I love you!" he says, poking me in the chest as he says it. "I would never do anything to hurt you and you know it!" His voice is laced with anger and my heart stops beating looking at him.

    I stand still and look at him.
"I can't do this if you can't trust me," he says softly with tears in his eyes. He steps away from me.
"I trust you," I say softly. "I just love you too much to- to see you doing that with someone else." I stutter slightly.
"And I can't stand the fact that I've done that with anyone but you," he says looking at me clearly. A single tear slips from his eye. I step closer to him and wipe away the tears gently.
"I love you Harry," he says so quietly it could be a whisper.
"And I love you too," I say, pressing my lips lightly to his. My hands cup his cheeks and his wrap around me.

    When we pull away I look right into the bright blue eyes I have fallen in love with.
"Just don't go kissing other guys in front of me again," I say sarcastically but seriously at the same time.
"I won't" he says and kisses me again.
   
    We stay up late and talk on the couch. I used to think that relationships were perfect. That when you were in love, nothing else mattered. That nothing could go wrong when you loved someone. I remember that when my mom told me about my stepdad she told me that she loved him and that made everything feel okay. I thought that because she loved him it meant that it was okay that she was moving on from my dad. Little did I know. Love is hard, but you find the ways to make it worth it.

    I love Louis. With all of my heart but love is hard. It can hurt. It hurt today and I know that it will hurt for many more and when we are old and one of us dies it will hurt even more. But I don't want to think about dying because right now I'm so alive. I'm alive and I'm with him. That's all that matters.
We get back in bed and after Louis falls asleep softly beside me I turn on the small light above my head. I look down at him as I do so to make sure he doesn't wake up. He stays still so I sit up slowly and grab my songbook that I keep in the pocket on the wall of the bunk. I flip through the many pages filled with songs I've written over the years until I find a blank white page. I take out the pencil tucked in the spine.

    Sweet Creature 27/11 I wrote on the top of the page. I've written what seems like hundreds of songs over the years and each one of them I could find a reason that it's about him. The words come naturally as if I'm reading the words of the note that Louis had pinned on the door the first time I slept over at his house in 2009.
"Sweet creature," I sing softly to myself while writing down the words on the once clean paper.
"Had another talk about where it's going wrong." I sing thinking back on the argument this evening.
"And we're still young," I look over at Louis' small body next to me. His cheeks are light and his lips a rose red. I feel tears pool in my eyes and let them fall without hesitation.
"Don't know where we're going but I know where we belong," I close my eyes and let the memories flow through my brain.

Our first kiss at the doorstep of his uni house.
"And oh, we started," The first time he held my hand.
"Just two hearts in one home," Telling him I loved him while he slept beside me in my small childhood bedroom.
"It's hard when we argue," He got on the plane.
"We're both stubborn I know," Smashing cupcakes into eachothers faces at the bakery.
"But oh, Sweet creature sweet creature,
Wherever I go, you bring me home," I smile and look back at him beside me. He's my home. I kiss his feathery hair.
"Sweet creature, sweet creature
When I run out of road you bring me home,"

At around three in the morning I write the last line and I brush the tears from my cheeks. I turn off the small light and snuggle up close to Louis. I fall asleep to his soft breathing beside me. Though when I close my eyes he's still there in front of me. Smiling and laughing. The perfect image of my happiness. He is the happiness. Thousands of times he has said those words to me but I have never understood it until now. He is the happiness. I can't lose the happiness.

okay so i know that some of the timing of this is wrong and i don't actually think that harry wrote Sweet Creature while the band was still together but i thought it would only make sense us you hate harry for a chapter. just you wait for the next one.

Thank you all so much for reading.
All the love.
- Lilah Sage