please don't take my sunshine away...

Chapter Twenty.

playlist song: home, edith whiskers

Fall 2015

I tuck my head into his chest and cry silently.
"It's not fair," I whisper in between tears.
"I know," he whispers back with tears in his own eyes. I cry harder into his soft sweatshirt.
"Why did we get this life?" I ask.
"Shhh," he says, pressing a kiss to my long hair. "Never say that," I pick my head up and look at him, his eyes closed and tears dust his face.
"In another life I wouldn't have you," he says softly with tears streaming down his face. "I can't live with that," I reach up and brush the tears from his delicate face. He opens his eyes and looks at me.
"I can't live without you," he whispers. I press my lips to his softly.
"I hope you never have to," I whisper back. He holds up and thumbs up and I do too. I touch my fist to his and our thumbs brush together.

    "I can't live without you," Louis says again, crying harder. I pull him into my chest.
"I promise you Lou, I am never leaving you," I say softly.
"I just can't," he says in between sobs. I hold him closer to me and I kiss his hair. I feel a few tears run down my face. I can't believe that earlier today I was ready to face the world without him. I would have spent the rest of my life searching for home. Even though I knew exactly where it was. Behind me. Living his own life without me. I sniffle and wipe my tears away softly. I can't let him live without me. I can't go on without him. I feel him fall asleep next to me with his face tucked into my arm. I softly pull my arm out from underneath him and he sturs softly and then rests again. I kiss his forehead and then sit up and get out of bed. I look over my shoulder and see him curled up in a ball on the large bed. I smile sadly. I walk over to the door and put on my birkenstocks. I look back at him once more.
"I love you," I whisper with tears in my eyes.

I open the door and walk out of the room and into the hall. With a red carpet underneath me I walk down the hall looking at the numbers of all the rooms before I reach the right one. I knock three times and then I hear footsteps on the other side of the door. I hear the door unlock and then Liam is standing there with a soft smile on his face. It immediately drops when he sees my bloodshot eyes and tear stains on my face.
"What's happened," he asks, pulling me into a tight embrace. I rest my head on his shoulder. No more tears fall from my eyes though. I feel as though they might have ran out. I pull away and Liam looks at me sympathetically. We both walk into the hotel room and I hear the door click behind us. I take off my shoes and walk into the small room. In the large bed a figure is laying with raven black hair. I smile softly as I realize Zayn must have slept the night.

"I see you have company," I say trying to sound happy but my words come out slow and sad.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, sitting down in the beige armchair.
"Don't be sorry," Liam says sitting down on the bed across from me.
"Zayn stayed the night last night," he looks over at the boy behind him. "I couldn't bear to wake him up this morning," I smile sadly.
"But let's not talk about me," he says, turning his attention back to me. I curl myself in a ball on the small chair. "Tell me everything," I look back at him and see empathy in his eyes.
"It's just all falling apart," Liam stays quiet and listens softly. I continue.
"I woke up this morning to Louis gone. I had had a stressful night sleep and I didn't have anyone there," I bit my lip to try and stop the tears from coming. "Simon called me," I hear Liam sigh and I look to see him with his head in his hands.

"He was telling me about this girl. Briana Jungwirth. He said she was pregnant. He kept asking if Louis had told me or if I knew about it," I sniffled. "He told me Louis cheated and got her pregnant," I hear Liam cuss under his breath. Then the room goes quiet.
"I shattered my phone. Louis came home and said he didn't do anything. I ran away. Then I got stuck in a crowd of fans on the street and had a panic attack. I couldn't breathe. Louis and Paul came and got me. Then Louis said he didn't do it again. And he told me he loved me," I sniffled again. Just a few minutes ago.
"He told me he can't live without me," I sob softly into my sleeve. I hear Liam stand up and then his strong arms wrap around me.
"But who do I believe Liam?" I ask quietly.
"You need to trust yourself," he says. I nod sadly.
"I do know one thing though," he pulls away and sits back down. "Lou is the most faithful person I know. And Simon is the biggest piece of shit," I nod along. 
"I believe Louis," I say. "But in the past month he has hurt me more than healed me,"
"I know," Liam whispers sadly.
"I can't lose him all together. I can't live with that," Liam nods.
"We have to leave," Liam says. "We have to find a way to get out," I sniffle again.