Mrs. Avery

Chapter 10

Aggie felt like she was having an out of body experience. It had just occurred to her that she had come to Nile to wash her hands of this place. Finally be done with it after all these years. Momma had been her last remaining connection and here she was legally tying herself to two more. She was willingly adding weight to her chain. It was like she saw the riptide and then just walked into it, smiling all the while.

The kids were introduced to her and then they were off to collect their things. Larry discretely went back to Momma's house to hide the alcohol, while Agnes tagged along with the children.

Standing in James's flat she rubbed the base of her thumb between her eyes. She felt like she was 1,000 miles away from this situation watching on a television screen or through a window. The kids were repacking their bags and James was helping them. Caroline was babbling about something, but Aggie was watching the kids. Wondering what kind of moron would give her custody of 2 children. Then she remembered the judge. He was more about odds. A stable person that had the space for them would likely not mess them up, but he didn't really know Agnes. She wasn't capable of such things. She was a down right mess outside of the office and she had accepted the duality of her existence. She was built to exist in an official setting. She thrives there. Yet here she was rubbing her head because she thought maybe she finally snapped.

James caught her eyes briefly when she lowered her hand and Aggie quickly put on the collected mask she wore when telling Caroline how this situation would proceed, but it was too late. He saw it and he knew. She was feeling everything he felt the day the kids became his. He knew exactly the race in her mind while she also felt disconnected. He felt it all back then. And he felt bad for her, but he also saw the same version of her that paced around rooms when it was time for her to pick a college, a future. It was the same face she made when she decided to leave him and for a moment he wondered if she was that conflicted back then too. And then he shook the thought from his head and focused on his kids.

He couldn't trouble himself with Agnes now. Whoever he thought she was, she clearly wasn't and maybe she never was. He thought he loved this somewhat manic woman, but when Chris and Molly died and she couldn't bother to show up, he was certain she was never the person he thought she was. He would be lying to himself if he said he didn't wonder about her sometimes, like maybe there was an explanation for her bullshit over the past 10 years. Then he looked at his daughter shoving things into her backpack and the curiosity vanished. He didn't want to be tricked again. He just wanted to protect his kids from her, but she was the best option at that point and he just couldn't separate them or take them from Nile. He felt like he was failing Momma at that point, but he didn't know what else to do. He had never been the sole decider before and it was rockier than he imagined.

Even though, it was a selfish thought, he considered asking his parents for help, but he got that heavy sick feeling in his stomach for even thinking about it. After his father's health had declined, it just wasn't an option. He wasn't getting better like they thought and it was stressful for his mother. To ask more of them would be cruel. So here he was, handing his children off to a woman that disappeared from his life only to suddenly appear again.

Agnes remained in a fog and James remained in a state of fear and self hate. Neither one of them knew what to make of this. Agnes wondered if she had jumped too quickly for this solution and James wondered how he could even begin to fix this.

When they arrived at the house, Agnes tried to shuffle in first to ensure there wasn't any liquor or clothing left lying around, but was pleasantly surprised when she opened the door. All the mess had been cleaned up: the liquor was gone, everything was in its place, and Signs, Momma's favorite Sci-Fi thriller, was laying on the coffee table in front of the TV. Larry was standing in the kitchen reading instructions on the popcorn. He had actually been just sitting at the table after he had finished cleaning and hiding away the alcohol, but when he saw the lights pull into the driveway, he had hurried over to the kitchen to look busy? More natural? He wasn't sure.

Agnes mouthed "Thank you." In an exaggerated fashion when she saw how much he had done. He smiled in return.

James immediately went to get the kids settled and put to bed before coming downstairs to confirm appointments with Caroline and Agnes for Monday. The whole time Agnes's brain was repeating, "Oh wow, this is actually happening." And she couldn't get it to stop.

Caroline couldn't stop smiling at Agnes through the process and only when she left did Agnes feel free from this strange shell of expectation. On the surface it looked like she was doing this good thing with confidence, but she was absolutely terrified.

James had shown Caroline to the door and then returned to the table to sit with Agnes and Larry. Silence hung over them like a cloth. Larry wondered if he were the source.

Aggie broke the silence. "Are you going to stay here tonight?" She asked James.

He brought his eyes to her. "I can, yes."

"I think they'll want to be with you tomorrow and if you're here it'll probably help make this transition easier for them too."

"Well, like I told Caroline. I'll have this sorted soon and you can go back to your life."

Agnes let out slow sigh with wide eyes. "Oh-kay then. I want to be in their lives and I'm just trying to help, you know."

"There were better ways for you to help." She widened her eyes again, but didn't offer a response. She figured he was still upset about how this panned out today and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Well anyway. You can have the couch or umm, Momma's room down here." She paused and got quieter as she continued. "I haven't been in there yet, but -"

"I'm not anymore ready to go in there than you." He said. "I'll take the couch." He couldn't stop himself from being angry with her no matter how much he tried. Her mother had died and he knew she was hurting, but there was no reason to make a display of helping with the kids. He wasn't sure what her goal was. Did she just want to look like the hero; was it an ego thing? Either way it just made him suspicious of her. She could have helped before it got this far and she didn't. She waited until today of all days.

"Okay. I guess we will dig into the logistics of this tomorrow."

"That works," James answered rubbing his face. He was exhausted and went to go get a blanket for the couch.

Larry leaned towards Agnes. "Would you like me to go home then?" He whispered.

"If you're uncomfortable, then yes, but otherwise, I would like it if you stayed." Agnes already felt uncomfortable in her mother's house and just didn't want to feel alone too. It felt like James was icing her out and she just didn't have the heart to fight that out with him right now. She wanted to have Larry for support, but didn't want him to feel obligated.

"I'm fine to stay, but where should I sleep?" He asked. Agnes glanced at the door to her mother's downstairs room and then shook her head. She could tell that would be just as weird for him.

"There is an air mattress upstairs and plenty of space in the room for it. Would that work?"

"I'm okay with it if you are." He said. They had shared hotel rooms during their business travels. Last minute bookings or storms that had stopped them in their tracks had led to these circumstances and maybe the first time it was strange, but now it was just a shoulder shrug. It was strange for her to look back now and realize how comfortable they had been with each other and for how long.

They pushed in their chairs and walked upstairs. Discussing when they should contact Mitch about the changes to Agnes's schedule for Monday.

James had settled onto the couch and watched them ascend the stairs together. He tried not to get ahead of himself, but already knew he was going to have a discussion with Agnes about this.