Mrs. Avery

Chapter 43 (six months after death)

They never really talked about that day, the day they spent lying in bed together. This seems to always be the solution for them when the answer is unwanted. The result of it was lingering goodbyes and wistful glances, but nothing more. They were rounding on their very first Christmas with Agnes, which was surprisingly stressful. She didn't expect it to be easy, but if they gave the kids off any more days then Agnes might flip her fucking lid. She was getting manic again and she couldn't handle the constant nagging that kids seemed to be working double time on and then one day she just kinda fucking snapped.

"Kids, we have at least 4 pairs of scissors. Where are they?"

Neither of them answered.

"Hey? Earth to Liam and Juli." She said walking in front of the TV.

"Hey, we don't know." Juli spat, a little more contempt flowing through her today.

"Okay, well I didn't move them all so who was using a pair last."

"Maybe, you were using them last. Why would we have them?" The amount of attitude almost made Agnes explode.

"Okay, that's it. Everyone upstairs." She turned off the TV.

"Why? We didn't do anything."

"I don't care." Agnes almost screamed.

Liam never sharpened up so quickly. He closed the little game system he was playing. It looked like he doing very poorly at Tetris, but she wasn't sure.

They filed upstairs and Agnes indulged in what she considered to be a full blown meltdown. She went to the table and chucked wrapping paper across the room as soon as the children were out of view.

"I can't care anymore." She said almost hysterical.

And then like the timer to a bomb, her work phone started ringing. She started to uncontrollably contract her muscles. She tried to breathe deeply, but her eyes just started to water.

"None of this feels real." She said quietly as she stood over the phone ringing and vibrating against the table. "So none of it should matter." She went on. "But it does, it all matters, but it's all fake." She started to shake a little bit. She needed to get out of the house. She glanced up the stairs. She was going to scream and she couldn't have them hear her. She felt like her life was upside down, but if you blinked then maybe it wasn't there at all. It didn't make any sense and it all happened because of scissors?

She walked outside and could see her breath. There was some snow on the ground and she thought maybe a coat would have been pertinent, but that idea felt vague. It was like everything she needed to do was crawling around in her brain, but those things didn't really matter so why wouldn't they leave her and finally she did just scream and swung her arms and she swung so hard it threw her weight and she fell to the ground. And then she just laid there and cried because it wouldn't stop. It wouldn't fucking go away.

"You're fine." She lied to herself as she covered her face. "You're fine." She whispered again. She tried to take deep breaths, but she ended up making herself cry again. She finally sat up in the snow. She ran her hands back through her hair until she was holding on to the back of her neck. She let out a very slow shaky breath. She groaned standing knowing that she needed to go a back inside, but this felt like the world was asking everything of her all at once. She tried pressing on anyway.

She sat back down at the table with one hand she was propping up her forehead and with the other she was digging into her leg. She thought she was getting the crazy under control. James, on the other hand, had a long day at work and had opted not to come over that evening, until the kids called. He picked up the phone to hear "Dad! Ma's losing it."